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I think she has dementia.

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As I understand the posts above, poster lives in the house from which she is being asked to leave by FIL's wife and poster's husband is on the deed to the house. Poster does have legal standing because it's her home too and her husband is one of the home's owners.

That said, document in writing/email to her children your concerns about her health. Perhaps on the days her children come to visit, you can ask them to perform the chores she is unable to perform for herself.

Was your relationship with her always this strained? Is this new behavior?
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Dwyla12 Dec 4, 2018
Yes this is new behavior yes strained
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Dwyla
How old is the granddaughter? This is not a one person assignment you have taken on. Nor a good atmosphere to raise a child.

You are not related to either of the people you are caring for and you are not the POA so if you don’t have a contract with someone that actually has the authority to allow you to remain in the home, I think your position is insecure.
Does your husband also live in this house?

Depending on your state rules for Medicaid, your husband may or may not wind up with the home.

He needs to see an elder attorney well versed on your states Medicaid laws who can advise him on the proper steps to take. Just because it’s in a will doesn’t mean it will happen. The will only comes into play after your FIL passes. While he is living he has a responsibility to pay for his care and his wife’s care. That could compromise any property he owns unless he has unlimited private funds.
Even after he passes, in many states, MIL has a legal right to remain in the home as long as she lives. That may not be the family story but that’s the law.

You have no legal standing in this scenario. If you are being paid by your FIL, make sure you have a care contract.

If you think the MIL has dementia you should ask her daughter to get her medical attention. She needs to see a neurologist for testing. With medication she may be able to tolerate you in the home.
If she has dementia you have to educate yourself on how to best communicate with her.
Do some research online. Look up Teepa Snow and watch her videos.

If she doesn’t have dementia then she for sure has the right to ask you to leave. And even when a person is diagnosed with dementia that doesn’t mean they are incompetent. The rights of the individual are protected even when it appears they are no longer able to make healthy decisions.

You have a complicated scenario with a multigenerational blended family. Try to get firm legal and medical information to base your decisions on. It’s not easy doing what you are trying to do.
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Dwyla12 Dec 4, 2018
No body pays me I get nothing my husband stay with us too her children only washes here and they get to much money to have Medicaid she can't walk he wants me to stay here all the time he run up and down the road with his brother in
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Then the house is not husbands yet. Its still his Fathersunless he is on the deed as owner. So, she has been living in the house and she sees it still as hers. She feels she has a right to tell you to leave. FIL should not be driving if he has ALZ. I hope there's a will saying the house goes to your husband. If FIL has ALZ he cannot change his will or make agreements.
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Dwyla12 Dec 4, 2018
It has to stay in family and the deed is still in husband and father in law name there is a will and she knows that when he does her daughter has to come and get her and remove her from home the oldest boy has power of attorney over him and her daughter has power of attorney over her
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If you think she has dementia, you try diverting her attention. “Ok. I’ll leave in a bit. Let me get the groceries put away and I’ll make you a sandwich.”
If she’s really upset you leave unless she or FIL are in danger.
Then you tell whichever person is her POA of your concern.
What are her other health issues? What about FIL? What condition is he in? Is this a long term relationship?
How long have they lived in DH house? Why are they? Why are you “doing everything”??? Whose bright idea was this? Do you work outside your home? Have children, grands?
Give us more info for better answers.
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Dwyla12 Dec 3, 2018
We live with them but when father in law dies we get the house she wear diapers and had 2 strokes can't work by her self father in law has alhimers but he thinks I should stay there everyday he still drives he is 82 she is70 I have my granddaughter that lives with us she does eat enough to stay alive she has 4 children just one of them comes on wensday and Friday and Sunday to wash her he has 5 boys I moved in to help him with her
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Need more info. Do you all live together? Or are in-laws living in a home husband owns?
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