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What happened? Did you actually abuse her or was it part of caregiving or a misunderstanding? No judgement, just the facts and we can then help and listen.
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Vickyt - come on - give someone the benefit of the doubt before jumping down their throat - ....

URM - if you've lived with this woman for 20 years then you might be considered married by common law. I urge you to seek your local legal aid office to find out if you meet that criteria. If yes, the you - as her "spouse" have some rights - like making decisions for her and the right to her inheritance when she passes away, unless of course she does a will giving it to someone else.

Each state is different but in 5 states that I'm familiar - there are certain things that = marriage:
1. did she ever sign her name to a legal document and use YOUR last name with your knowledge? It could be something as simple as a lease on an apartment, a car title or a credit card application, even a hotel registry
2. did you file a state or federal tax return as "married filing jointly" or "married filing separately" and you both signed your names, it might could even if she signed her maiden name.
3. did you ever list her as your spouse on any legal documentation with HER knowledge?
4. As them about the number of years - in one state if you live together for 11 years and one day - you're married even if you don't have any legal documentation to prove it.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find some way to get the best care for her and continue your loving relationship.
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All I can say is shameon you for abusing her. If you abused her, you should go to jail. 20 years of caregiving or 20 years of abuse. terrible thing you did
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