I’m alone (woman, 67). I have no family that cares. I’m bipolar. I have no money savings. I have no long-term care, no spouse. What’re my options now? How can I plan?
I'm sure you're in good company. My guess is there are a lot of more of us in this generation than anyone would've guessed who are alone and struggling with mental health issues, plus physical problems associated with aging. Your best bet for planning your future may be to contact your state offices and find out what kinds of health benefits and other services are available for people in your age group and income bracket. Also, talk to your PCP or P-doc; they may have suggestions re. long term care in your area.
I have bipolar too and am living alone and loving it, with hardly any close family left alive. Also, I'm sole caregiver to my 91 year old Mom. Therefore, my worries are centered on taking care of her -- my personal life and health have become irrelevant. However, seeing my mother as an example, I don't care to live to be 91 anyway.
I have two cousins that parents are siblings. Both have Bi-Polar, both do not take medication because it makes them feel "wonky" as one discribes it. One was not diagnosed till her 40s by that time she was an alcoholic and used it to self-medicate and from what I understand, still does. The other he uses Marijuana to medicate and seems to help him keep it controlled. He has had the most interesting life. He ended up teaching and retired. He lives alone and seems to be OK with it. He lives on the West Coast family on the East. So hard to "drop in" in to visit. We text and talk a lot. I think its all about personality. One person is a go getter the other not so much.
I respect you very much and more often than not agree with your advice as well. Sometimes a bit of tough love and the metaphorical 'swift kick in the a**' helps a person a lot more than a big fluffy pile of support that they can feel sorry for themselves and wallow in. There's a difference between helping and supporting someone who needs it and enabling that person to become like a helpless infant who can do nothing for itself. The OP is an adult who can advocate and help herself. Not a homeless person on the street, or a demented elder who doesn't know what day it is, or a helpless infant or invalid who can do nothing for themselves. Millions of people have bi-polar disorder. They also live productive lives. They go to work, they have relationships, friends, families, hobbies, etc... They take care of themselves and manage their condition. This person is someone wallowing in self-pity who blames others and the world for why she has a lousy life yet won't take any responsibility herself for it. Nothing can help a person like this until they are ready to help themselves. @cwinter. I think Sample was joking with the 'some young honey' comment and trying to lighten the mood a little bit. You're being a bit over-sensitive.
I do agree with you about "tough love". Many a time I wish I had spoke up to a friend because it was always "poor me". When you suggested something there was always an excuse why she couldn't do it. This OP is asking how she can change her situation. I don't see any whining and crying at this point, hasn't even replied. We can point her the way but she has to take the initiative. When she doesn't and its still "poor me" than u give them a "swift kick in the a**".😊
Seems you need to streamline your life so your affairs are easy to manage. Put your bills on auto-pay. Make friends with younger people. The goal is to find the "child of your heart" who is willing to accept responsibility as medical surrogate and financial surrogate. If you can't find anybody who can do this, then the state will step in when you are no longer able to manage your affairs. They will place you into assisted living or killed nursing care that will accept whatever assets you have to pay for your care. Then, they will help you file for Medicaid to continue to pay for your care.
Sometimes, having a family doesn't guarantee that they will take care of you. You have already been given some good suggestions. Make sure you don't stop the treatment for bipolar disorder. Take good care of your body and try not to worry too much. You're not that old yet.
leene67: Perhaps you should see your primary care physician about your issues including your leg swelling. Perchance did you have your Medicare wellness exam with your PCP?
I recently learned about Guardianship Services from my Elder Law Attorney and we have incorporated it for the surviving spouse. They, in turn, report to the Attorney who oversees their expenditures. Google that.
You might want to contact a Senior Living Social Worker to see if you qualify for Medicaid. Contact "A Place for Mom" to see if they can refer you to a social worker in your area.
Who do you see for treatment of your bipolar. There are often support and therapy groups that are low cost or no cost or cost by income. Check with the MD who gives you your medication prescriptions. Reach out to your local Council on Aging and to any mental health support groups you can "google" in your area. This will give you "community"? Are you a person of faith? This is another source of community. What interests do you have in art, in writing, in sewing, in other activities. It is my experience that people with bipolar and some other personality disorders are VERY VERY VERY bright and talented. Read every single book out there by Kay Redfield Jamison. Bipolar for her life, she is a world recognized psychologist specializing in Bipolar and other disorders. Start with her book An Unquiet Mind: a Memoir of Moods and Madness. Work and save and save and work. Try to form connections, being honest about who you are and what you are dealing with. You will find a world of people who are dealing with the same thing. Don't judge yourself. Simply do the best you can to make yourself as secure as you are. You can enter aging in a beautiful old trailer in a beautiful park for less money than you imagine it would take. Look around and plan. Keep moving. Walk and walk. It will open the world, force your body out, get you out of your own mind for a bit. I have this disorder in my family in a dear family member. My heart goes out to you. I know the burden you deal with and what it is to have it layered into the burdens we all face. Remember, you are not alone. There are others. If family has moved away from what they cannot fully understand and accept, then you are left to make your own family. I recognize that none of this is easy. But there is also no choice. You must accept the cards dealt and play the best game you can. I surely do wish you the very very best.
PS into edit a bit after others reminded me of your previous post. You are going to need to stay in close touch with your MD and with your counselor. That is going to limit how fast you can get moving. If you are recently s/p bariatric surgery there are also support Forums and groups for YOU. You are dealing not only with your chronic illness but with new and acute changes, and you are minus something you used to comfort yourself in the past. You must be your own advocate. No one can do it for you. Get in touch with the M.D.s and be the squeaking wheel they give a thousand phone numbers to to get rid of you; then all all those numbers.
You mentioned a few days ago about your legs swelling and your weight gain. I believe my response was to contact your bariatric doctor and go see him. As for your compulsive spending, I think I told you to grow the hell up. That still stands. Why not try it? Seriously, why don't you actually try some 'adulting'? You might like it. Stop whining about how no one cares and no one will help you. You're an adult. You obviously have permanent income which enables you to spend, spend, spend. Stop acting like a baby because you didn't get rich off your crafting hobby. Stop using being bi-polar as an excuse to stay wallowed in your own self-made misery. Help yourself. Advocate for yourself. You're not worthless. Your life is important too. You have something positive to contribute to the world. Forget about what your brother or anyone else thinks or does. What matters is what YOU think and do for yourself. So, put the fork down, get up off your a** and go see your bariatric doctor. Then cut the credit card in half before you spend your way into being homeless and make an appointment to go see your psychiatrist or whatever mental health professional deals with your bi-polar condition. Then make keeping that appointment your top priority.
Compulsive spending is part of being Bi-Polar. Its sort of the manic part of it. She needs support not a put down. I have 2 cousins who suffer from it. I think my sister did too but she died at 43 before ever being diagnoised.
Planning was when you were younger. You probably have ss and may qualify for Medicaid. Suck it up and live the best you can. you might get lucky and find yourself a young honey
Rubbing her nose in planning when you were younger shows a real lack of empathetic support. "Suck it up?" Try understanding the fear, loneliness and isolation this woman is feeling. There are a ton of predators out there just looking for a victim. "Some young honey" is likely to be such a predator. When you find yourself in a difficult situation, I hope you remember how insensitive to another in need you were.
You asked a similar question a couple of days ago. At that time your legs were swelling and I suggested u call ur Dr., did u? I also suggested Office of Aging. You can also go to Social Services. Medicaid caseworker can help you with options. There are resources out there. These two agencies can get u started.
Oh, so you reprimand others for asking a somewhat similar question before too, thought you only did it with me. Good, I feel better now and will start disregarding it when you do that again :)
Many states offer an Elder Waiver program that helps them get care that allows them to stay in their homes longer. Talking to a social worker is a good idea. You may also want to find a certified elder law attorney that will take you on pro bono and give you some guidance. You will need, at some point, a DPoA or legal guardian. If you don't arrange this, the county will step in to acquire guardianship of your when you become incapacitated to make decisions in your own best interests.
I suggest you ask your primary care doctor or psychiatrist for a referral to a social worker. They will be able to offer some options for your area.
Are you responding to your meds? Do you have a retirement income to go along with your social security? You may qualify for HUD housing but that leaves you on your own. What kind of help do you need?
Some states have Elder Source you can apply to and if eligible in home help, meals and other services are provided free of charge. They usually have a waiting list so call and apply now. The assessments are done with you over the phone. They will reach out to your doctor for information.
I have bipolar too and am living alone and loving it, with hardly any close family left alive. Also, I'm sole caregiver to my 91 year old Mom. Therefore, my worries are centered on taking care of her -- my personal life and health have become irrelevant. However, seeing my mother as an example, I don't care to live to be 91 anyway.
Best of luck to you!
I respect you very much and more often than not agree with your advice as well.
Sometimes a bit of tough love and the metaphorical 'swift kick in the a**' helps a person a lot more than a big fluffy pile of support that they can feel sorry for themselves and wallow in. There's a difference between helping and supporting someone who needs it and enabling that person to become like a helpless infant who can do nothing for itself.
The OP is an adult who can advocate and help herself. Not a homeless person on the street, or a demented elder who doesn't know what day it is, or a helpless infant or invalid who can do nothing for themselves. Millions of people have bi-polar disorder. They also live productive lives. They go to work, they have relationships, friends, families, hobbies, etc... They take care of themselves and manage their condition.
This person is someone wallowing in self-pity who blames others and the world for why she has a lousy life yet won't take any responsibility herself for it. Nothing can help a person like this until they are ready to help themselves.
@cwinter. I think Sample was joking with the 'some young honey' comment and trying to lighten the mood a little bit. You're being a bit over-sensitive.
You might want to contact a Senior Living Social Worker to see if you qualify for Medicaid. Contact "A Place for Mom" to see if they can refer you to a social worker in your area.
https://www.policygenius.com/health-insurance/a-state-by-state-guide-to-medicaid/
Mental Illness and Medicaid Info
https://www.simpleintervention.com/what-mental-health-services-does-medicaid-cover/
Are you a person of faith? This is another source of community.
What interests do you have in art, in writing, in sewing, in other activities. It is my experience that people with bipolar and some other personality disorders are VERY VERY VERY bright and talented.
Read every single book out there by Kay Redfield Jamison. Bipolar for her life, she is a world recognized psychologist specializing in Bipolar and other disorders. Start with her book An Unquiet Mind: a Memoir of Moods and Madness.
Work and save and save and work. Try to form connections, being honest about who you are and what you are dealing with. You will find a world of people who are dealing with the same thing. Don't judge yourself. Simply do the best you can to make yourself as secure as you are. You can enter aging in a beautiful old trailer in a beautiful park for less money than you imagine it would take. Look around and plan.
Keep moving. Walk and walk. It will open the world, force your body out, get you out of your own mind for a bit.
I have this disorder in my family in a dear family member. My heart goes out to you. I know the burden you deal with and what it is to have it layered into the burdens we all face.
Remember, you are not alone. There are others. If family has moved away from what they cannot fully understand and accept, then you are left to make your own family.
I recognize that none of this is easy. But there is also no choice. You must accept the cards dealt and play the best game you can. I surely do wish you the very very best.
PS into edit a bit after others reminded me of your previous post. You are going to need to stay in close touch with your MD and with your counselor. That is going to limit how fast you can get moving. If you are recently s/p bariatric surgery there are also support Forums and groups for YOU. You are dealing not only with your chronic illness but with new and acute changes, and you are minus something you used to comfort yourself in the past. You must be your own advocate. No one can do it for you. Get in touch with the M.D.s and be the squeaking wheel they give a thousand phone numbers to to get rid of you; then all all those numbers.
As for your compulsive spending, I think I told you to grow the hell up. That still stands. Why not try it? Seriously, why don't you actually try some 'adulting'? You might like it.
Stop whining about how no one cares and no one will help you. You're an adult. You obviously have permanent income which enables you to spend, spend, spend. Stop acting like a baby because you didn't get rich off your crafting hobby. Stop using being bi-polar as an excuse to stay wallowed in your own self-made misery. Help yourself. Advocate for yourself. You're not worthless. Your life is important too. You have something positive to contribute to the world. Forget about what your brother or anyone else thinks or does.
What matters is what YOU think and do for yourself. So, put the fork down, get up off your a** and go see your bariatric doctor. Then cut the credit card in half before you spend your way into being homeless and make an appointment to go see your psychiatrist or whatever mental health professional deals with your bi-polar condition. Then make keeping that appointment your top priority.
you might get lucky and find yourself a young honey
You asked a similar question a couple of days ago. At that time your legs were swelling and I suggested u call ur Dr., did u? I also suggested Office of Aging. You can also go to Social Services. Medicaid caseworker can help you with options. There are resources out there. These two agencies can get u started.
Are you responding to your meds? Do you have a retirement income to go along with your social security? You may qualify for HUD housing but that leaves you on your own. What kind of help do you need?
Some states have Elder Source you can apply to and if eligible in home help, meals and other services are provided free of charge. They usually have a waiting list so call and apply now. The assessments are done with you over the phone. They will reach out to your doctor for information.
Good luck and I hope this gives you some peace.