I'm new here and came just to ask this. I need help. I'm newly 18, a junior in college online doing independent psychology research. My grandmother lives with my mom and me (she moved in ten months ago), and I can no longer deal with her. She has non-alcohol fatty liver disease, and I think she's in the advanced stages, but she won't tell us anything. She has ascites (recently drained 3 liters, and it built right back up) and gigantic hernias. She ignores her diabetes.
That's not the problem. If she were sick and talked to us about it, I could deal with that. She won't tell us anything; she guilt-trips my mom if she doesn't spend 100% of her time with her and explodes at me for not talking to her, which I don't do because she does this more when I talk to her. When she attacks me, it's often about my autistic behaviors or something I literally do not do. I don't know what I'm supposed to about that. She complains incessantly about anything we do and refuses to talk about anything other than her memories or things she saw that day. It is offensive to her if my mom and I discuss something abstract (e.g., politics, my research). She ignores us when we ask her a question, victimizes herself every chance she gets, and blames us for everything bad that happens.
She won't talk to us about her health and can't keep anything straight about it. She lies to her doctors. She overspends. She makes food and leaves the dishes everywhere, and then yells at us for doing it. Some days, she acts fine and is offended that we think she's not and then turns around and refuses to do something because she's so weak. It's like gaslighting.
Having lived through multiple abusive situations (with my father and a "friend"), I cannot handle this. It's negatively affecting my mental health. I'm scared I'm going to have another bipolar episode because I am constantly bombarded by manipulation.
What do I do? How can I cope with this?