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My 88 year old Dad lives with my husband and me. He is constantly sick. Heart problems, he has fallen and broken his hip twice, has stomach issues and has about 8 doctors now. Two weeks ago he called an ambulance because he had severe stomach pains which turned out to be constipation. He has a walker with a seat and walks around moaning. He keeps a garbage pail on the seat in case he vomits (but he never has) Every night he makes an announcement that ":tonight is his last night on earth" and then "we have to call an ambulance" When an ambulance does come he starts telling the paramedics about his being retired NYFD I have tried to take him to CARES to be with people his own age but he won't go. I want to put him in a nursing home but he won't go despite the fact that it s a really nice place only a mile away and we'd go to see him every day. Whenever he is in the hospital we always see him every day and bring him food from home. I still work full time and so does my husband although he works from home.Dad can't even take a shower by himself any more.
I do not have a good history with him. my mother passed at age 57 from cancer and he refused to take care of her leaving her 80 year old mother to care for her dying daughter. When his own mother was ill he put her in a nursing home. After my mother was dead a month he started dating my friend.
What can I do? I am having chest pains now and cannot afford to lose my job. I have no brothers or sister and I have no children to help me

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thank you for your informative responses:)
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First--agree with the first poster's advice to have your chest pains checked out--this is URGENT! Do it now!

Second, you are a loyal daughter to take of your dad despite your feelings about his past behavior. I know it isn't easy to do.

The next thing I would do in your place is to hire someone from an agency (there are many out there) who is trained in caring for elderly patients. Even though your husband works at home, he should be able to focus on his work, so having someone look after your dad's needs, including showering and preparing meals for him as well as providing some companionship will give your dad an outsider to tell his stories to, etc. AS much as his finances allow, he should pay for this

That can help to relieve much of the stress you are feeling in the short term.

Finally, once you have some immediate relief, if you have geriatric care managers in your area, interview several, find one who you are comfortable with, and have them work with your dad to get him into an appropriate facility. I worked with a GCM on my parents' care and she was able to talk to them without all the family "baggage" that we all have. Let a GCM do the persuading to get him into a facility. They should be aware of all the available options to make your life, and your dad's, easier.
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Your dad is taking advantage of you and your husband.
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comocat3, parents of your Dad's age rarely, if ever, volunteer to move into a retirement community because they have a very old stereotype about assisted living/nursing homes.

One thing to do, if your Dad is mobile enough, is to have lunch at a couple of places to see what the place offers... maybe if your Dad sees people of his own generation he might be more interested. That way he won't be so bored and probably wouldn't want the attention of paramedics to tell his stories of when he was a fireman, as he will have dozens of new ears to hear his interesting stories [bet he has a few] every day.

Now, regarding yourself... stress can can cause major health damage, I know, wearing the t-shirt right now [also have no brothers or sisters, and no children] so everything is automatically on our shoulders [there are pluses and minuses being an only child].

Your Dad will think since you are his daughter that you should quit work [he wouldn't ask a son to do that].... on average if a working person quits work he/she will lose, over the years, between $285,000 and $325,000 which includes not only loss of salary, it also includes the net worth loss of the health insurance; loss of money being put into social security/ Medicare; loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k); profit sharing; etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]
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Vstefans is on the mark. Take care of your health, like...NOW! Then get dear ol dad into a care facility. He is going to be disagreeable, hateful and pitiful no matter what you do. Don't worry about it. Do it for his sake and yours.
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Step 1: Get to a doctor for your chest pains. Do you know for sure they are non-cardiac? Don't assume they are stress or anxiety related, or even GI related unless you have very good reason to believe that...e.g. always relieved by taking a Zantac, non-exertional, etc. Don't even read the rest of anything on here until you do that and can tell us it is not your heart. Your husband does not need to lose you!!

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STOP SCROLLING DOWN AND GO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHEST PAIN!!
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NOW!!!
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Step 23 or so, after you have checked out your chest pains: If he is legally competent, he can refuse to be admitted. On the other hand, if he is legally competent, you can refuse to take care of him. You probably don't want to do that, but one thing you almost certainly should do is stop bringing him food and seeing him every day when he is in hospital if it is for attention-getting purposes primarily rather than serious life-threatening complaints. And, the next time he is in the hospital, get in touch with a social services person and tell them what you have told us. He needs a cognitive evaluation. Maybe you could talk him into going "for rehab" initially since you are worried about him falling and being weak and unable to shower. He is sounding like the hypochondriac who cries wolf a lot but whose tombstone will read "I told you I was sick" because he has real health problems now too.
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