Hi. I'm 21 and the primary caretaker for my grandmother with Alzheimer’s and have been for 3 years. I try to be good and set high expectations for myself in taking care of her since it's primarily just me and I'm not in a position for caregiver assistance. But, I feel so worn out constantly. I've gotten to the point that I don't even spend time with my grandmother. If I'm not tending to her needs, I find myself in another part of the house and I hate that I do that because she feels isolated. She never was social that I can remember, but she was always with her husband (my grandfather) until his death, so she's used to always having someone by her side. She's in a wheelchair and doesn't navigate herself anywhere so generally don't worry too much about her getting herself into something dangerous.
I want to spend most of my time with her like I usually do, but I think about her impending death and how scared and confused she feels and then I distance myself because of how scared I am that one day, she'll be gone. I just want to be good to her like she was to me growing up. What should I do? (sorry if this was a lot to read!)