What did you do? I work full-time and unfortunately I have custody of my mother who is 86.

My Aunt, for whom I am POA, wore 4” heels every day for as long as she was employed. Her feet were so damaged by the time she got to Assisted Living/Memory Care that she could NOT wear anything but the 2 1/2” wedge heels that we finally found for her.

So she fell, but at least she walked. Care of a determined 92 year old does not always mean finding a good answer. For me, it meant making the best choice available from a bunch of not so happy ones.

‘No matter what she has said, you may find at some point sooner or later that her needs for many kinds of care has exceeded your ability to meet them, and at that point you will have to do with love, what is best for her safety, physical welfare, and security.

Many of us have reached that painful and difficult place.

If your mother IS acting like a 13 year old girl, consider whether you’d entrust life decisions to a child that age, if you dearly loved them. Then act accordingly. In her dementia, she is losing her ability to make safe decisions for herself.
‘Making the best decisions for her is painful and difficult, but if you are acting out of love respect and concern for her, and for yourself, you will never have any reason to regret the choices you make.

I hope you have POA. Makes things a lot easier.

What did I do, I placed Mom into a nice Assisted living near me. When her money ran out, she was placed in a LTC facility. By that time she was in the last stage of her Dementia. She paid privately for 2 months giving me time to get Medicaid set up and it started the 3rd month.

You are now the adult and Mom is the child. She no longer can reason. She suffers from short term memory loss. So isn't going to remember you told her something the next day or the next minute. And, she should not be left alone. There are ways to get help. Medicaid in home may give u an aide if Mom qualifies for the service. If I was working full-time, I would not want to be carrying for someone suffering from Dementia. Too unpredictable. I woould place her.

Yes, get rid of those shoes.

Are you working from home? Or are you leaving mom with a neighbor?
First. Remove any clothing that is not safe for her. Pants that are long, shoes with higher heels, slippery bottoms, ones that are difficult to tie, shirts with sleeves that are too long.
Pick your battles with some thing, go easy on the stuff that is not important.
What is the reason the doctor said no coffee? Is decaf acceptable? Can she have 1 cup, 2 cups or none?
If caring for her at home has gotten to the point where she is not safe your 2 options would be to hire caregivers that will monitor her closely. Or placing her in Memory Care.

I had to put my father in a nursing home as he was no longer able to be alone anymore and I had to work as well. It was the only option and worked out very well. The nursing home took very good care of him and he was happy being around other people.

Sounds to me like you have way too much on your plate with everything your mom has going on, so it's probably in your best interest, and more importantly hers, that you find the appropriate facility to place her in. That way she will get the care she needs, and you can still work your full-time job, if that is what you want. The fact that you said that "unfortunately I have custody of my mother" is very telling to me that you shouldn't be the one caring for her. And if you're working full-time, who is her caregiver while you are at work? I'm praying that you are not leaving her alone, as someone with any kind of mental decline should never be left to their own devices. That is asking for trouble for sure. More than just her wearing the wrong shoes or drinking coffee; which by the way, you can just throw the shoes away, if your so worried about her falling in them, and I don't know about anyone else, but if anyone(including my Dr)ever tries to tell me that I can't drink my coffee when I'm 86, all hell will break loose. At that age I will be drinking and eating whatever I please.
But now in all seriousness, please look into having your mom placed in a facility, so she can be looked after 24/7. If she doesn't have the money, you can apply for Medicaid for her. That will be a win win, for you both. Best wishes.

According to your profile, "I am caring for my mother Verona, who is 86 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, arthritis, cancer, depression, heart disease, incontinence, mobility problems, osteoporosis, parkinson's disease, stroke, and urinary tract infection." If this is the case, and you work full time, then who's actually taking care of your mother who's suffering from all of these ailments and wearing shoes she shouldn't be wearing and drinking coffee she shouldn't be drinking? Having custody of an elder means you are responsible for providing care for them. If you work full time, then either have your mother placed in a managed care facility or hire in home help to come in and care for her while you are gone. That's what you do when you have a mother who suffers from dementia & does not realize that her behavior is harmful to her.

Does your mom have dementia?

Can you just take away her fall risk shoes? Looks like she'll keep wearing them if they're available.

Does she live with you? But your work full-time and therefore are gone 40+ hours a week?

Throw out the shoes?