My mother is almost 90, and lost my dad about 1 year ago. She's steadily going downhill mentally, and I'm at a loss. When I ask the doctor to evaluate her, she puts on a huge show and passes the tests with flying colors. Meanwhile, she doesn't know what day it is, can't remember anyone's name, is at a constant loss for words and her behavior is becoming more erratic on a weekly basis. The doctors laugh and tell me she's just fine and in great shape. With me, she's a totally different person entirely! She's extremely narcissistic with no empathy or compassion whatsoever. Which leads her to judge everyone and have no real friends. At the same time, she's been voted the 'resident of the month' at the ALF, and the caregivers think she's the sweetest person on earth. They tell me how 'lucky' I am to have her for a mother, and how they'd love to take her home. This slays me, frankly, because she is THE most difficult person on earth. I'm the 'bad guy' and everyone else is the 'good guy'. I'm rambling, I think, because I'm at a real loss. She is able to put on this tremendous phony show for 'outsiders' but she drains me emotionally every time I talk to her, which is twice a day. Is this dementia? The angry outbursts and yelling at me? The constant cutting others apart and complaining non-stop? I don't know if this is a combination of dementia/early onset Alzheimer's and narcissism or what! All I know is that she is an energy vampire and we're having 'disagreements' more and more lately. Yet she's all that and a bag of chips to the rest of the world. I'm frustrated, and getting angry myself. In the past 5 years she's been here in Colorado, I've done everything in my power to make her happy, to no avail. I know I can't 'make' her happy; that's not possible. But this new and erratic behavior is unnerving me to the point where I dwell on it for an hour or more after each phone call. I know........cut down the contact. But I am all she has (only child) and she's using me as a sounding board/punching bag, figuratively speaking. How do I go about getting this woman diagnosed, or medicated properly? Lately, she's making herself sick and staying in bed over the slightest little ache or pain, and dramatizing everything to the point of insanity. What steps are prudent to take? Thanks in advance everyone, this forum is a life saver for me.