What to do? This is going to be terribly long, and I'm sorry.

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What to do? This is going to be terribly long, and I'm sorry.

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I'm a nanny of about 4 years. My latest position started about 1yr ago, for 2 teenage boys with ADHD, while their dad (my boss) works out of town, 7 days in a row, and then off for 7days. I work 14 days a month. When I interviewed, it was agreed that I would watch the boys, cook for them and their elderly g-ma with mild dementia, and clean his house, for 10.00 an hour. Average nanny here makes 10.00, average house cleaner makes 15.00, but figured I would give him a break on housecleaning. I was also to do med reminders for his elderly mother. As time went on, my boss has slowly added on to my duties. Now I am grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, taking boys to doc appts if sick or for check ups, laundry etc. I also recently found out that the eldest son has low level aspergers(think rainman). Homework with the eldest boy is a nightmare. Not long after I started, it became quite clear that his elderly mother was much worse than what he said. She constantly wanted to drive her car(she had wrecked it w/ the boys with her prior to me working for them, and my boss said she is not to drive, ever. I had to hide keys and listen to her complain constantly about wanting to drive. He now takes her car when he goes out of town, but she still frets over it constantly. I am there for 1 hr in the morn. to get the boys off to school and then I go back 15 min before they get home, until they go to bed at 8:30. I get them fed, homework done,have them shower, and settled into bed. I am on the road an average of 2-3 hours per day for an average of 6 1/2 hours for $65.00 per day. The elderly mother saw a neurologist who ordered her not to drive. She then saw a psych doc who ordered the same thing, and yet she still has her DL, so she still thinks she can drive! After reading the psych eval, her dementia is MUCH worse than what my boss said it was(which I knew from her actions and our interactions when I am there). The eval also states that she is not of sound mind to take care of her own medical, or financial matters and shouldn't be cooking unsupervised etc, and she is not to be left alone. Apparently my boss eluded to this psych doc that I "live in" while he is gone at work, which is a flat out lie. I have told him on numerous occasions that I don't feel it is safe that she is alone with the boys all night, without me there, and that I am afraid she is going to burn the house down. He scoffs and says he doesn't think it is time for that yet(he doesn't want to pay for live in care). She hides stuff in the oven all the time and then forgets its in there. She forgets to feed and potty the dog. She wakes the kids up in the middle of the night, and they are tired all the time. During last summer, I was running them back and forth from his home to her home(her, the boys, the dog, food, clothes etc) because she preferred to be at her home where there is a pool. I cleaned the pool, topped the water off, put chlorine in it etc. She owns numerous rental properties, has retirement,has her social sec, her deceased husbands social sec, owns her home(prob worth $300,000.00),lives at my boss's house. They take numerous vacations every year. My boss takes the boys skiing every time he comes home from work, they keep their boat docked at the marina at the lake all summer long. They are not hurting for $. Now it has come that I am taking his elderly mother to doctor appointments when she's sick, taking her to check ups, because he doesn't want to do it on his days off, taking her to hair appts etc.My boss has even said to me that it is becoming more about caring for his mom, than it is about the boys. I said you're right!!! I am running 18 hour days from the time I have to get up, til I can finally go to bed, and I am wore out. I have fibromyalgia, a fused neck, a pinched lumbar nerve, bilateral sciatica, bilateral carpal tunnel,, tmj,migraines, ministrokes, inflammation on my brain which could belymes, lupus, ra or possible MS. I have white spots on my brain. I'm currently going thru testing right now. Severe insomnia, chronic pain, blahblah. I have lots more wrong but its just to much to write. I don't want your pity. I just need suggestions as to what would be fair to ask for in my situation. Something more in line with the amount of work that I amdoing.maybe a daily rate, a 7day weekly rate and/or a 7 day live in rate???? Thank you for your time! Sorry so long! Ps-i do not get any sick time, no personal time, no vacation time, no health ins or dental ins. And I never agreed to be an elderly care worker. It just kind of evolved. I do love this family as if they were my own. Thanks!

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Will write more in a bit. I can't go to Florida yet. I have to have repairs done to my mobile home that I was never able to move into and get it sold and a job found down there before I am able to move. Thanks guys. Will be back! 😊

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try to be nice, but I think I'd go to florida now. You miss the rest of the winter.

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Nanny, $10 per hour. Cleaning and cooking $15 an hour. Elder care $25 per hour. Those are going rates. Doing all 3 jobs, in my opinion is worth a lot more than the cumulative amount of all 3. If you left, he would never be able to replace you. I'm going to tell you something someone told me when I was getting taken advantage of. I was embarrassed and insulted at the time, but now that I'm removed from the situation, I see more clearly whet they mean. It's unprofessional to give away your services, and it makes the recipient devalue you. You say you were hired as nanny and you threw in cooking and cleaning. You were hired to make sure his mom took her meds, now you are basically her caregiver. Your job description has changed and it's time to re-negotiate. I know you need the job and that probably makes you feel powerless. Speaking from the opposite perspective, having a sick mother also makes you very vulnerable and needy, and invested in keeping a good caregiver. I think you should tell him that you were hired as nanny at $10 an hour. If he also wants a maid and a caregiver for his mom it will cost $35 an hour. Then let him talk to down to $30. And please don't let him tell you you're not spending the full 6.5 hours caring for him mom. Believe me, you are. You have to be constantly aware of where she is and what she's doing. Even at 30 dollars, he knows he's getting a bargain. Also, if he asks you to stay late, he has to keep paying OT. If you are really a W2 employee, he has to follow your state's labor law concerning time and a half. If he refuses to pay more, quit, and see how fast he calls you back when he can't get anyone else. Good luck.

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Thank you, I really try to be a good person. Usually to my detriment, lol

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You sound like you are a very Thoughtful person. Under the circumstances, I would ask for a raise or quit. I am sure you could get a better job at better pay the next day. If they have that much money and won't pay you what you are worth, why work for them. Look around first and give him notice.

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Sounds like you were hired on as a nanny and the duties have continued to evolve into an almost undoable nightmare.. Bless your heart...All I know is, when I first began doing this my veterinarian and I were talking because he and his brother were having to pay a 24/7 caregiver for their Mom..His brother was a lawyer so they had plenty of money too...But he told me they paid $85,000 / year ...$47,500...and I don't think that is unreasonable whatsoever considering what all this kind of caregiving involves...I'm not sure how well received that would be to your boss but he is clearly getting a bargain and he knows it and he won't change unless you give him an ultimatum ...since your responsibilites have changed substantially, your pay should as well...if he doesn't come through, give your notice...bless you..and good luck.

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LiveLifeFull....I don't think its the amount of hours but the amount of money that you are allowed to make. I "think" it varies from person to person tho. Could be wrong tho....

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Her eval states: Mrs H receives daily assistance and monitoring from either her son or her grandsons nanny, who lives in, and manages the household when her son is out of town 2 weeks out of the month for work. Major neurocognitive disorder(dementia) Moderate impairment. Adjustment disorder with depressed mood. Mrs. H is cognitively incapable of making effective decisions to protect her medical, personal or financial well being, at this time. In home caregivers(already in place) or placement in an assisted living facility. She would be an unsafe driver, andDr. P has revoked her driving privileges. (She still has her drivers license tho!)

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Good luck. You need to find a home health care job in Florida that pays you what your worth

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He did not even ask me if I would take care of his mother. I was hired as a nanny only and I agreed to clean his house and to make sure his mother took hermeds at the appropriate times. She is bored and lonely. I have had to stay the night a few times due to snow or ice storms. Now she asks every evening if I amgoing to stay the night. I feel bad for her, truly I do. I love this family very much. They boys are very good and she is a sweet old lady but I can't keep taking on more and more work when I can barely do what I amdoing now. I am running myself down. My health is getting very bad. I'm very scared with the brain issues that I have going on that have yet to be dx'd. I'm with the VA and it is such a cluster f going there, you have no idea. I'm just very tired. Probably just like 90 +% of the people on here. :(

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I'm in south central PA. My problem came from him continually adding more and more duties as time went on. He also didn't tell me about his eldest sons aspergers and told me his mothers dementia was mild. It is moderate at the least. I'm going to write what her psych doctor said in her eval(is that allowed)??? He feels that she does not need 24 hour care and I(and the psych doctor believes) that she does need it(and the psych doctor was apparently told by my boss that she is getting 24 hour care). What would happen if she burned the house down while I am not there, when the psych doctor has in her notes that I am supposed to be there 24 hours per day, while my boss is away???? Who will they come after for that? ME!!!!

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The zookeeper, how many hours can someone work part time with ssdi or ssi

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Always ask for more that you want, you will get what you want. $10.00. What part of the country. Here in the N.W. that would be $30.00 easy or $35.00 per hour. Just tell him the realities. It is easy to get stuck in the if I mention something he will look for someone new. You know what let me try to find someone. You sound very capable and if you like the job, that is great. I am not clear on how many young worker there are.

Stand up for Caregivers, and the principals that good caregivers are worth a lot. I mean that because once I stated to one community that my rate is $45.00 for two hours that was spread around the community, and next thing I knew I had many people contact me. You are worth your weight in GOLD.

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K, thank you so much, I appreciate you all taking the time, helping me with this issue. I greatly appreciate you all! 😊

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You have to start at the local, usually state level, with a state disability claim. The benefits will last for a limited amount of time, depending on your condition. SSDI and SSD are federal programs, and kick-in for permanent disability, hence the long application and waiting times. The sooner you establish an onset of disability date, the better. You have several conditions that could qualify you now for disability. Whether you are permitted to continue to work some hours depends on your doctor a medical review of the disability entity in your state. You can actually have permanent federal SSDI or SSD and continue to work part time. The idea that all recipients of disability have to be "unemployable" is a myth.

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I'm do know what SSDI is. My mom has been on it for a very long time due to a trashed back and failed back surgery. I have a trashed back too, just not bad enough for the VA to do surgery(don't think I would want them to do surgery on me anyways, lol). It has always been my understanding that you cannot be employed at the time that you apply for disability with social security. Once you are approved and receiving ssdi, then you are able to work(if you are physically able), and are allowed to make up to a specific dollar amount per month. That's just always been my understanding....thank you for your thoughts!

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I think you're confusing unemployment benefits with disability. You can still receive disability checks and work. There is a maximum income bracket when under disability. I Remembered googling it when a poster said that you cannot work if getting disability checks. False.

Keep this in mind, the current job you're doing can irreparably worsened Your medical conditions. No workman compensation for you to fall back on. The medical expenses will come out of you and not your employer. What if you pushed yourself physically so hard, your health deteriorated so badly, that moving to Florida becomes out of your reach. Weigh the pros and cons of this job and your health. Know your physical limits. He has you good and tight. And he knows it. I'm so sorry. Very difficult position you're in.

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How can you prove you are disabled when you are still working???

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No, you don't need to be unemployed -- you are no longer able to do the customary work/job you've been doing, and that is the definition of disability. Please remember that you are not alone - there are many of us that have similar situations and circumstances. I also have a mobile home about an hour away from mom's home, and I've been trying to live in 2 places for a while. My car sounds just like yours - no heat when it's cold, no A/C either. And my financial situation is very similar. Just remember that your health and taking care of you is more important than anything else. I hope you find your way through this and find happiness along that path. You deserve it.

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I have thought about that, believe me. From my understanding, you must be unemployed in order to file. It is impossible for me to be unemployed for the time that it will take in order to be approved. I have no spouse or bf to help me. I have been living with my mother and step father for 5 years, because I cannot afford to move out. I own a small mobile home an hour away that needs repairs, that I cannot afford to do, in order to move into it. If I could get the repairs done, then I would need to find a job in the area where it is, so that I am not driving an hour each way. I have a 15 year old vehicle that has no heat, no a/c in the summer, a slow oil leak, and more importantly a very bad transmission leak. I am putting almost 50.00 a month into it, just in transmission fluid alone. I have good credit scores, but because I HAD to file for bankruptcy back in 09, due to my now ex husbands $100,000.00 year long spending spree for toys for himself, I can't even get a newer, used car. I just applied for a car loan, but have not heard back from the dealer, so my guess is that it did not go through. My financial situation is very bad and there is no end in site.

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Elle: perhaps you should also start looking into permanent disability benefits. If your employer was handling your payroll correctly and paid into your state fund, you could be eligible now. In any case, start your Social Security Disability application process now; it can take years to get approved, and then there's a mandatory waiting period of 24+1 months before some benefits, like Medicare coverage, kick in. But you would eventually get backpay to the date that is determined the onset of your disability, which could be several years of backpay in one great big lump sum. Your fibromyalgia should qualify you now.

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Thank you for your thought. I am unable to housecleaning full time (or even on a part time basis, enough to support myself). My health is very bad. I can barely do what I do now. I have to rest often. I was cleaning for a couple friends on my off weeks, but it became too much, especially now that I am having all of these doctor appointments that I now have to go to on my off weeks. Many of which are 3 hours away, one way, which is exhausting. Its hard, because of my fibromyalgia. Everything is hard becausemof the fibro. Most nights I pray to God to just let me peacefully die in my sleep, but he never does, so I just keep, keeping on....

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Other jobs may not pay any better but they might have less responsibilities. When you are driving on the job those are working hours. do what you were hired to do and no more. if you wnat to drive grandma around that's fine but she should be paying you for her care. As far as house cleaning etc, you were hired to care for and supervise the boys. I see no reason you should not do things like shopping and house cleaning as long as you are paid for those extra hours. Don't hold your breath on getting a W2 from this man he does not want the IRS to know he has been employing a household worker and not carrying workmens comp and unemployment insurance. Once you are out of the house consider reporting him to the IRS. As far as the elderly mother is concerned again when you leave consider reporting her situation to Adult protective services. If you are strong enough have you considered earning money by housecleaning. You can probably get $15 an hour for that. Type up some flyers and slip them in the doors of your most afluent neighborhood and see what happens.once they trust you they may want you to take on extra jobs like housesitting while they are on vacation. Don't expect a reference from this man so if you can get character references from well known members of your community that should help you. i am thinking drs lawyers priests etc and if you worked recently another employer. You are being exploited like an undocumented alien. Once you get to Florida there should be plenty of opportunity for jobs helping elderly people.

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I've been looking, believe me, lol There hasn't been anything posted that pays any better than what I am making now, and they are even further away than what I am driving now. I look every day. I'll keep looking tho. I am currently waiting on my w2 from my boss, and will be giving him a detailed list of all overtime worked last year and for this year as well. I will be bringing up a raise as soon as I get those from him. I'll let you guys know how it turns out. Thank you all!!! :)

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I believe you could find a better job, and make more money, through the summer, and then move in the fall. I wouldn't ask for a raise. I'd give notice and leave.

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Good move. Good luck, you deserve it!

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Yes, I agree, but I truly do not see myself working for him any longer than this fall. My plan is to move to Florida before winter hits again. My poor body just cannot take another PA winter. With my fibromyalgia, it is he**. :(

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When negotiating a new salary and compensation agreement, please remember to keep in mind that his mother's condition will continue to deteriorate, and that many of the things she may be doing for herself now, you will eventually need to do for her. Make sure that as those duties you will be taking on increase, your compensation is also adjusted. You are clearly working for a cheapskate, like my sister, who refuses to pay for needed caregivers or provide care coverage for all the time mom is left alone. You are right - his mother already needs a constant caregiver to keep an eye on her.

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Oh....for 7 days on,7 days off. I'll explain why I ask this in a bit. Thanks!

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What would one expect to be paid for 24 hour live in care for elderly care only(there is no personal care for her....she can bathe and toilet herself). I do pluck her chin hairs and clip her toenails occasionally. I would expect to cook and clean. A home helper/companion type situation, with 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night? And taking her to doctor appts, hair appts and shopping during the day. Nevermind any duties related to the children. Thank you!

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What to do? This is going to be terribly long, and I'm sorry.

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