Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
1 2 3 4 5
Also, did anybody suggest that you should make an anonymous call to Adult Protection about the grandma? Because you should. This guy sounds like he isn't going to deal with anything he just isn't totally forced to deal with outside the office. That lady needs a social worker to ensure she is safe and cared for.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I haven't had a chance to read all the comments, but I would quit. Give 2 weeks of notice.

Trying to go to a dynamic with a contract and invoice after the casual verbal agreement situation might not be possible.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Well its emailed to him....now we wait and see what he says, lol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I want him to write this up for both of us to signing front of a notary and have notarized:

I Ryan of Chestnut St, hired Elle of Saint Clair Rd. in April 2014 as a nanny only. Ms. Elle is not currently, and never has been a "live in" nanny. Ms Elle is not held responsible for loss or damage to any personal or real property by an act of God, in the commission of a crime, or an accident. Ms. Elle is not held responsible for any bodily injury up to and including death, by an act of God, in the commission of a crime, or an accident, to my mother, Mrs Mom, my son Matty, my son Shawn nor to anyone else on my property. These terms and conditions apply should my family reside, whether temporarily or permanently at my mothers home, located at blah blah.

I worded it this way, due to him telling that psych doctor that I am live in and I went to work yesterday and the back door was unlocked. I also worded it this way because I want proof that I was hired as a nanny only. When he files for taxes, he will take out soc sec, medicare, UNEMPLOYMENT, federal and state. I won't confront him about my wages until after I get my W2, so if he says no he will not pay me fairly, I can then have justifiable reason to quit, as he kept piling on my duties without raising my pay. I will have something written in there too about permission to use his car and that I am covered under his insurance. Lmk if there is anything else I need to consider. Thank you!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Twizard.....those are a lot of my thoughts as well.....I will write what I had thought of last night in my next post.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ps, your employer is a jacka$$ who knew exactly what he was doing to you and for himself. He has covered his bases very well, and he has the perfect patsy scapegoat.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you use his car, are you covered by his insurance? Don't use your car. Under the circumstances you would be a paid transportation person, using your car for commercial purposes and not insured for that. You would be liable, but your insurance company would not be liable.

Next, if anything bad happens when you leave, you are in a lot of trouble. You have prior knowledge of his claim to authorities that you are live-in paid caregiver for BOTH kids and mother. You know this is not true.

You have proof he has paid you, but you have no proof of what your real duties are. This man can claim, if anything bad happens, that you left your client or patient uncared for when you were supposed to be on duty and present. You will be the one answering to the authorities, and he will shrug his shoulders and say he thought he had left them in care of responsible person.

You also do not have written permission to use his car for errands, do you? So, but if accident happens, he can claim that you took the car without his permission, and again, you could be in trouble.

This man has taken a very secure position and you have placed yourself in a very vulnerable status. You say you are with VA. Is your contract for this man with them, or are you getting benefits from them?

When I was taking care of my mom, my mom tried to hire out my services to other needy elderly for a brief time. Fortunately, someone advised me to seek council. I was glad I did. You can get paid as an elderly caregiver, BUT the job comes with liabilities

You have NO proof of what you were actually hired to do. And I doubt you could actually lie under oath and claim no knowledge of his mothers eval contents and his statements. And thusly, you imply he is telling the truth, or you admit you know he falsified reports.

Dangerous ground for you to be walking on. You are driving them around in his car, and you are leaving them alone at night, and he can claim he didn't know you were doing either.

And if you take them home with you or put them in your car and get paid then that is even more liability. Please be careful.

My own experiences (a lot) and others on this site can tell you that relatives will turn on relatives, and, people you thought were nice will turn mean and nasty if they think they will be held liable or they can pass it onto others (you?). Please be careful.

You can easily find work as a caregiver, and you can do it while collecting disability and as a veteran, you can actually get training assistance to get certificates for working in this field.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I have three pieces of advice. One, get contract in writing, what you are required to do and what you are not responsible for. Keep in mind that some states require prof license for some of what you are doing.

2. Put in contract reimbursement for parking fees, gas used, and mileage for tires, oil etc, since you are using own car.

3. Put in contract time off periods, duty times, etc, and perhaps negotiate living no space as part of salary. 20 per hr + rental property, + car mileage and gas reimbursement and parking fees, etc.

One further thing. Check the laws of state you live and n. You may be held liable for some things if you leave kidsalone with her and know that she and kids are now endangered. You are a paid caregiver and that carries liabilities in some states.

Get that contract looked at by paralegal or attorney. You are in precarious position as not relative, paid to look after boys, and there are labor laws in this country.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm with the VA and I am required to see a counselor for my sleep meds and depression(who wouldn't be depressed with all I have going on). But really I don't tell her much because it is a government agency and I don't want the government involved in my life any more than what they already are. That can have an effect on me even being able to own a handgun for self protection. Seriously. I'm going to write something here in a minute. I think I may have figured something out to help my situation. Possibly anyways....my brain never shuts the h*ll up. Insomnia is great, lol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Honestly, there is so much going on here and clearly you are a compassionate and caring women caught in a difficult situation. Contact a local counseling center and get connected with someone who can help you take just one step closer to a healthier place. Cost should be nothing and you will will find some clarity in talking out your situation. Even if there ends up being a cost you cannot afford contact a local church and ask for help. I know my church offers help to those in our community at least once, even if they don't attend. And they have resources and referrals that could be helpful as well. There is always a next step and always someone who will support you in taking that step.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Nuts.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My first question is why are you tolerating this without saying anything? You should not be doing all that stuff for the same $10 you were hired. You are being taken advantage of because you are allowing him to take advantage of you without any objections. A simple caregiver for an elderly person without dementia would be $10----for someone with dementia, it would definitely be more. My mother has a couple of friends that have live-in helpers/companions, and they are being paid $1000 cash per week. In my area, house cleaners get $15-$20/hour. And taxi's charge per mile or per trip, along with having to carry special insurance for limousines in case they get into a wreck & one of the passengers gets injured. Tutors to help children with their homework sometimes command up to $50/hour.

I would be extremely careful about running them around in his car, too. You're not a taxi driver.

Don't worry about if nan burns the house down when you're not there---you have no responsibility for that if you're not there. Don't worry about what he told the doctor about live in caregivers for mom.

Either you've got to sit down with this guy & tell him how ridiculous this whole thing is or you could try the passive-aggressive approach, which is to cease doing everything except what you were hired to do at the beginning. (Why would you "give him a break" on the housework if the average hourly rate for a house cleaner where you live is $15/hour, and you're only being paid $10/hour?) Stop doing the laundry, stop helping the boys with their homework, stop going grocery shopping, stop cleaning up after the dog, stop running them to appointments, do not stay overnight without first agreeing that you will be paid your normal hourly rate for the entire night, (and if he tries to chew you down by saying that you'll be sleeping or something, tell him it doesn't matter----any time that you are spending in his home that you're not spending at yours is called "work") just stop doing whatever wasn't discussed between the two of you at the beginning. When he sees that there's no food, there's dog crap everywhere, there are no clean clothes, he'll say something to you pretty quickly & then you can address the issue with him.

You have to tell this man that he is in denial about how bad his mother is & that his son's Asberger's makes things extremely difficult for you.

You're doing everything so that he doesn't have to do anything when he's home for the week. Let him take care of running mom & the sons to doctor's appointments, washing clothes, cleaning up after the dog, grocery shopping, etc. There is absolutely no reason why you should be doing that. In fact, you should give him a list of the things you need for the week from the grocery store & tell him to do it. This guy is either the cheapest SOB alive, or he is in denial about how difficult doing that much work is for you. With all of your health issues, I think this has a lot more to do with not being paid enough for all that you're doing. If you were being paid a fair wage, like $25/hour, it would be okay. But, you're essentially working for practically nothing.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I would have quit a long time ago. Let him try to find ANYONE else to fill your shoes. Glad to hear you have plans to ditch this abusive man. And yes....it is abuse!!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I'm exhausted just reading what you wrote. It is inhuman for anyone to expect one woman to do all this work. You should reread what you typed - how long can you keep this up before you collapse from exhaustion. I'm sure you're struggling with depression too. I said it before, this man is an absolute jerk! Even if he paid you $30 an hour, you cannot continue to work like this. You're caregiving three people - that is more than a job in itself. Add too it the rest of your responsibilities and it's obvious you won't be able to keep up this ridiculously demanding pace much longer. Even if you were in perfect health, it couldn't be done. The fact that you have multiple illnesses makes it impossible to continue. Surely there are other caregiving jobs "out there" that you can apply for where you'd only be taking care of one individual. It's this man's responsibility to provide proper care for his family - not yours. Please for your sake - put yourself first in this situation. Find a job even in a nursing home, where you aren't taking care of people at two locations. Her problems are more than enough for one individual to handle. He is absolutely, without a doubt, taking advantage of you. You're a good woman - be good to yourself!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I agree with the other responders-- your employer's expectations of you for $10 are simply laughable. In my area in Northwest Washington state, local home care agencies average $25 per hour. I think you deserve upwards of that! Your employer is getting a great deal.
You might want to try keeping a log of your duties, especially related to the grandmother. It sounds like the son is DEEP in denial and has no clue whatsoever about what his mother needs. Maybe the next time he's home for a week you can take a few days "off," leaving him the list of all that needs to be done, so that he has to walk a mile in your shoes, so to speak. Maybe then he'd wake up to the real problems going on with his family. You might even use this list as a bargaining tool. Or give him information onfair market values for other care options for his family--show him how much he should be paying for this level of service he's getting from you. For example, "I contacted Agencies A, B,C, and D, and they quoted me an average price of $28 per hour for the type of services needed by your children and mother."

But in all honesty, ellelenn, I think all of this is simply too much for one person. If you need to walk away from the situation, you should not feel guilty. His family is his responsibility, not yours. It sounds like you are getting burnt out and it is affecting you in too many ways for any amount of money to make it worth your health and well-being.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Ladypamelade: I wake at 5am to be at work by 6:15. It takes me between 30-45 min to get to work, depending on the weather. As soon as I get there, I cook breakfast for the boys. I wake them at 6:30. They dress for school, eat breakfast, brush teeth etc, then they get picked up for school. Usually their Nan(elderly g-ma) is awake(she lives with them, in my boss's home. She has her own home about 1 1/2 miles away which is sitting empty because she cannot live alone). I set her meds out, hide her pill minder so she doesnt double take any meds, cause she has no clue what day it is)make sure she has a cup of tea, and I leave at 7:15 or 7:30. I then drive back home 30-45 min, to take care of my animals etc. I then have to be back to work (same commute time), by 3:15, before the boys get home from school. I get them in, and settled into homework, which is a nightmare with the oldest, due to his aspergers. I then start supper. I feed and potty their dog, because their Nan usually forgets and the dog will poop in the house, which I then have to clean up. I get everyone fed, dishes loaded up, kitchen mess cleaned up, boys messes cleaned up etc. This is a daily thing. Nan usually has trash allover every day when I get there. For some odd reason, she saves trash. Milk jugs, pop bottles, yogurt containers, doughnut containers. Its strange. I ALWAYS have to run the dishes in the dishwasher, even if it isn't full because Nan will put dirty dishes away in the cupboards. I learned that lesson the hard way. I do laundry nightly, as well as work on house cleaning. Normally have to grocery shop the second day of work, as there is usually one meal there that I can make. So implant my meals and make my grocery list the first day. Its a pretty much constant thing going on there. By 8 pm, the boys have to shower, and then to bed by 8:30. I then leave, with the same commute time. I get home by 9 or 9:15, take care of my animals again, and can finally get to bed by 11 pm, to do it all over again the next day. I clean a little each day, but normally have to do a load of laundry every day, have to clean the microwave and kitchen messes up every day. Have to clean the bathroom mirrors every day and the toilet seats and floor, of urine each day, because the boys don't understand the concept of lifting the seat and aiming, lol I do use my boss's vehicle for errands or doctor appointments. I hope that clarifies. 😊
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Suggest day care for Gma. Do not work a split shift, negotiate that away. Get going on job searches in Florida ASAP. Go onto social security disability website and get started on research. Check your social security calculations on line with SSI. Call the unemployment department as see if you are eligible for unemployment from this employer. You may be able to live on unemployment long enough to get to FL and find an easier job with 1 or 2 low-maintenance children and no grandma. Maybe some of this will or won't work but it would be moving in the right direction. Good luck!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My heart goes out to you, the situation with the mother will only get worse and you cannot imagine that until you live it. Make a solid exit plan, take your time. You have been through enough, time to be treated fairly. I wish you all the best.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I think a move to Florida is an excellent idea. With your experience I am sure you could get work helping elder with running errands, possibly driving them around, all for much less stress and you would also have free time to yourself. In the meantime, you need to tell this guy that you need a weeks paid vacation next time he is in town he can take care of everyone himself. Let him be a real dad and son and see how much work it is. Maybe it will open his eyes. Also defnitiely tell, not ask, him that you need more money to continue doing this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

On average, caregivers receive $10 per hour, however that is for light duty. You should be earning a much larger sum, and it would be nice if he had someone as backup to give you a break. $18.00 per hour would not be unheard of, I see cost between 15-30 per hour for duties like you describe. I think your boss is in denial about his mom but he needs to get on board. She will continue to decline and without proper supervision she could burn down the house with her and the kids in it.. That would be a tragedy.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

$21 an hour isn't enough for the incredible work and responsibilities he expects you to handle. He's a cheap jerk! He knows he's taking advantage of you and he doesn't care. Surely you can find a job that doesn't demand so much of you AND not only should he be paying extra for the gas you use, but he should give you his mother's car to drive her to appointments. She's not living in his home; so you are running/driving back and forth between two homes? Ridiculous! Find out what the going rate is for home caregivers and tell him that from now on, he is going to have to pay you at least $30 and hour with time and a half for anything over eight hours. In the meantime, look for another job - this job is going to destroy your health. He is responsible for his two boys and his mother. I'd like to see him spend one week doing everything you do - then maybe he'd realize what he's demanded from you is totally unreasonable. Don't do this to yourself; you should have someone taking of you. I'm sorry for all the negative and hurtful things that have happened to you. You're in my prayers.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Did I mention he is a pilot? Lol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm with the VA, so my insurance requirements are met thru that.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

have to do the repairs to the mobile home prior to June of this year, or the lot owner will make me move it , which will cost me approx 5,000.00, which I don't have. Repairs HAVE to be done. :(
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I don't make enough to pay taxes anymore. I had someone figure my taxes when I was employed. I can't help anyone with tax questions. sorry!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Holy cannoli, girl, you may love these guys but they are 1) bad at math or 2) big time taking advantage of you and taking your loving hel for granted to the nth degree!! Nevermind being in denial about dementia too...arrgh. BTW, this is the last week for open enrollment for PPACA (Obamacare) and you ought to get yoirself if you don;t have insurance. With your income, you will be in the subsidized group for sure.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I informed my boss last week that if he was claiming his childcare expenses on taxes, I needed a w2, in order to file taxes and that he will need to get it to me before he files, unless he wants the IRS to audit him. Lol I will be giving him a copy of my wages that he has paid to date, as well as what he owes me in OT wages for 2014, which will need to be paid prior to him filing taxes, as well as all OT that I am owed so far for 2015, as well as the wages that he has shorted me so far this year. For some reason he has a difficult time understanding that if an hour=10.00 then 1/2 hour=5.00 and 1/4 hour=2.50. Not too hard.....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

HI again. Christine 73 as a lot of good points. Is he paying into your social security? Unless you are drawing it already. You have a cheap jerk for a boss. High time to leave Dodge, as they say in the westerns.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

ellelenn. Maybe you can sell it 'as is' to someone who likes to work on things. Advertise it that way. You might spend all the money on it and still not sell it. My first husband was in the army and we lived in mobile homes near army bases until he retired. Just a thought. Good Luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes. Think, too, of what a living wage could do for your mobile home repairs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter