Follow
Share

My sister refuses to seek medical care when she is sick. For example she had a UTI and put off going to the doctor until it became an emergency and she was in the hospital followed by rehab for almost 2 months. She was septic and is lucky to be alive. She doesn't want to inconvenience anyone and doesn't manage her healthcare insurance to cover her bills. It's like she is self-sabotaging but doesn't seem aware of it. It's very frustrating and painful for the family. If we say anything she gets angry and we alienate her. She says she is taking care of herself and that she's not stupid. Are there any magic words to stop her behavior. She will not get therapy because she doesn't see her behavior as the cause of her crisis. This has happened 3 times.

In the US it is legal to have untreated mental illness.

Sometimes all you can do in some situations is call 911 and let the team analyze her situation.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to brandee
Report

The next time she says she doesn't want to be an inconvenience, tell her that is exactly what she is because when you have to leave your family to take care of her at the ER, it's an inconvenience to the whole family. Everyone has to change their plans/work to accommodate her health needs because she gets herself into a position where she needs more care/oversight than she would need IF she was taking care all along. Not only are you and your family inconvenienced by the unexpected events, but you also have the added stress of worrying if this time they won't be able to control the sepsis, which also affects your work and attention you need to give to your immediate family. Tough love sometimes is needed to wake a person up as to how their health care, or lack thereof, affects others.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to MTNester1
Report

From my own experience with my husband, a UTI can cause confusion and dementia like symptoms. This would worsen her usual reaction to events. The other suggestions given here are good.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to salhart
Report

Unless you are her DPoA or legal guardian you have absolutely no direct power in this situation except to meet her in the ER when she inevitably goes again and tell the discharge planner that she is an "unsafe discharge" and is uncooperative with care, denying she has any problems. Then ask to talk to the hospital social worker about getting a court-assigned legal guardian for her and transitioning her directly from the hospital into a facility.

Maybe put a large sign on her refrigerator that you are her I.C.E. contact (In Case of Emergency). Or you can maybe call her local police department (not 911 but their non-emergency number) and get your name in their system as her ICE. Or when you report her to APS maybe they will retain your contact as her ICE. Then follow up at the ER or hospital. This is as much as you can do. I'm so sorry that you have to stand by and watch this distressing situation unfold.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

She has anosognosia it sounds like. There is nothing you can do.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to southernwave
Report

There is truly NOTHING you an say or do.
You have already learned that.
Not everything can be fixed.
In many cases, not addressing things will work; they will go away. In more dire needs times they will not go away, but rather will worsen and make more serious care necessary at best, and cause injury up to and including death at worst.

Such is life. We can advise and recommend. When someone is mentally incapacitated and incompetent in their own affairs we can even act to get them placed in care. But we cannot do the impossible, which would be making people do things "our way".
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

You can't convince her.
You can't change her mind.
YOU can't do anything.
If she is of sound mind (and that may be in doubt) she has the right to make her own choices.
If however she is showing mental decline in other areas that is cause for concern. But if she has always treated her health care in this manner and there are no other "red flags" then it is not a change in cognition.
You might want to ask her what her health care wishes are should she get to the point where she can not make decisions. Dows she have someone that is able to do that for her? If not then that also is a matter of discussion.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

Is this behavior a lifelong thing, or has it cropped up in recent years? If it’s recent, that kind of suggests some cognitive decline could be happening.

How old is she, and does she have any substance abuse issues that might be affecting her ability act rationally?
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to SnoopyLove
Report
Takeahike2002 Dec 6, 2025
She has always been this way but has been healthy. She just turned 70 . She has no substance abuse issues but has diabetes which she was treating by going for long walks cause she didn't want or couldn't afford meds. She gets angry if I say too much or make suggestions. It's very heartbreaking. We feel very helpless
(1)
Report
You may not convince her of anything .
This sounds like dementia and/ or a mental illness .
What may happen is at some point you end up calling APS to report her as a vulnerable adult not able to properly make decisions and care for herself.
The other thing you can try is the next time she is in the hospital or rehab tell them what is going on . However , these days they will not always do cognitive testing in these places . They discharge after the admitting medical diagnosis is managed enough for discharge and they tell you to take her to a neurologist for cognitive testing for dementia . This becomes a problem because she may refuse to go , as she believes there is nothing wrong . Refusal to go to a neurologist for cognitive testing is common. This is why people end up calling APS.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

There are no magic words to convince a person to use common sense. If your sister hasn't already learned from her costly mistakes, as most do, there may be some other issues at play preventing things from registering with her. Such as mental illness or dementia, a traumatic brain injury, a personality disorder, etc.

Best of luck to you.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter