My sister refuses to seek medical care when she is sick. For example she had a UTI and put off going to the doctor until it became an emergency and she was in the hospital followed by rehab for almost 2 months. She was septic and is lucky to be alive. She doesn't want to inconvenience anyone and doesn't manage her healthcare insurance to cover her bills. It's like she is self-sabotaging but doesn't seem aware of it. It's very frustrating and painful for the family. If we say anything she gets angry and we alienate her. She says she is taking care of herself and that she's not stupid. Are there any magic words to stop her behavior. She will not get therapy because she doesn't see her behavior as the cause of her crisis. This has happened 3 times.
Sometimes all you can do in some situations is call 911 and let the team analyze her situation.
Maybe put a large sign on her refrigerator that you are her I.C.E. contact (In Case of Emergency). Or you can maybe call her local police department (not 911 but their non-emergency number) and get your name in their system as her ICE. Or when you report her to APS maybe they will retain your contact as her ICE. Then follow up at the ER or hospital. This is as much as you can do. I'm so sorry that you have to stand by and watch this distressing situation unfold.
You have already learned that.
Not everything can be fixed.
In many cases, not addressing things will work; they will go away. In more dire needs times they will not go away, but rather will worsen and make more serious care necessary at best, and cause injury up to and including death at worst.
Such is life. We can advise and recommend. When someone is mentally incapacitated and incompetent in their own affairs we can even act to get them placed in care. But we cannot do the impossible, which would be making people do things "our way".
You can't change her mind.
YOU can't do anything.
If she is of sound mind (and that may be in doubt) she has the right to make her own choices.
If however she is showing mental decline in other areas that is cause for concern. But if she has always treated her health care in this manner and there are no other "red flags" then it is not a change in cognition.
You might want to ask her what her health care wishes are should she get to the point where she can not make decisions. Dows she have someone that is able to do that for her? If not then that also is a matter of discussion.
How old is she, and does she have any substance abuse issues that might be affecting her ability act rationally?
This sounds like dementia and/ or a mental illness .
What may happen is at some point you end up calling APS to report her as a vulnerable adult not able to properly make decisions and care for herself.
The other thing you can try is the next time she is in the hospital or rehab tell them what is going on . However , these days they will not always do cognitive testing in these places . They discharge after the admitting medical diagnosis is managed enough for discharge and they tell you to take her to a neurologist for cognitive testing for dementia . This becomes a problem because she may refuse to go , as she believes there is nothing wrong . Refusal to go to a neurologist for cognitive testing is common. This is why people end up calling APS.
Best of luck to you.