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2 stints to dry out & come home, now we are starting a 3rd we are at a loss and need help. We found her last night covered in her own excrement and urine. Just wanting a bottle of wine. She refused to get up and get a bath. We called EMS to come and get her, almost had to go to the magistrates office to involuntary commit but she finally decided to come on her own. She had been in this chair so long that she had no skin on her back and butt. At the hospital they said her urethra was totally clogged. In the hour and half she was there she had already urinated 2 full foley bags and working on a third. She is talking competently, still wants her wine.
They said she would probably get dried out and some rehab and go home. This is the 3rd time for this. She is not capable of making decisions as far as staying home/sober. She still drives and will go to the store and get it. She goes so far as to go to the store buy lots of groceries and wine and leave all the groceries in the car to go bad. She is not eating and refuses to eat. We do not have power of attorney health or otherwise. We are not sure what to do or where to turn. We live in NC. Any suggestions?? How do we get guardianship or whatever we need to make decisions?

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For gawd sake captain, My husband is 72 and he works every day and is very involved in the physical work of remodeling our home ie: painting, carpentry, heavy lifting. My stepson drank himself to death - yes he died from liver failure at age 39. Does that make him have lived his life the way he wanted? Should we just assume that everyone lives on "their own terms" and gets to die happy from drinking themselves to death? My step son regretted the liver damage and his wasted life when he got sober in the hospital, but the damage was done. He died. I believe that your mom is a different story. She was (is) terminally ill from other reasons out of her own control. I certainly don't have an answer for this one, but the loved one of the alcoholic must take care of themselves first and worry about the alcoholic relative second.
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hospital dx'd my mom with hydrocodone addiction . one hospice nurse said it was shameful and the docs involved in prescribing so many of them should be held accountable . a ( imo ) smarter hospice nurse knowing mom was dying from dementia , heart failure , copd , kidney cancer , made the statement " so flippin what ?' and upped her painkillers to something considerably stronger .
gizmo , i fail to see the difference between your elder comfort medicating herself to death or hospice doing it for her . 75 yrs is older than many people want to live depending on their physical and mental health and QOL ..
id rather die at 75 on my terms than at 95 as a miserable shell lying in a NH ..
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The name of the medicine is antabuse. What would make her take it? If she won't stop drinking voluntarily, why would she take a medicine that would make her throw up every time she takes a drink?

You could try to have her declared incompetent due to her past history. Then she would be made a ward of the state if you do not wish to take on the full responsibility of a self destructive alcoholic. I personally think its a lost cause having been through it myself with relatives.
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Next time she finishes rehab the doctor needs to put her on the medicine that will make her sick when she starts drinking again.
How are you related? Does she have a Power of Attorney or Living Will written up? Contact Adult Services in your community to learn more of what is available to help you in order to help her.
Good luck.
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Also - the hospital should have a social worker who could put you in touch with the right people in Adult Protective Services or the equivalent, though honestly, someone there probably should have called in a report themselves already.
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What do you mean by "talks competently?" Does she know where she is, why she is there, and the correct date and day of the week?
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You can do almost nothing to convince her to stop drinking. She probably has nothing else left she likes, except that bottle of wine. That is no one else's fault but her own.

Turning over her guardianship to professionals is the only way. You cannot let her ruin your life.
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I wouldn't help someone in this situation. First, I would make a thorough report to the appropriate agency, and then I would walk away.
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I have had ETOH touch every aspect of my life as well as professionally working with it...get Adult Protective Services involved...they are there for this purpose & are most helpful
There is always the Adult Council On Aging too.

See what the primary care physician has to add?
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The only thing that you can do is to take away her wheels and confine her to a home in which she is a prisoner. They call this false imprisonment and you can go to jail for it. I've been through this with my MIL who died drunk in her own vomit and excrement at age 52, my ex-husband who had a wrck drunk and was jailed for 6 months and went to rehab (he's the only one of these that sobered up permanently) and my step son who ended up in the hospital and died of liver failure. She will only quit when she reaches her own rock bottom. Sometimes it's death. My suggestion is that you either join AL-ANON or walk away. I walked away from my ex before he got so bad (his current wife thanks me for all I did for him before she met him), my MIL and stepson I was still trying to help when they died.
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Is this a relative of yours?

How old is she?

Because you said she has no skin on her legs or bottom due to sitting in the same place all day everyday I'm wondering if anyone checks on her on a regular basis?

You said she was competent but you also said she isn't capable of making decisions for herself.

Is there someone who has POA or an Advanced Directive for her?

I don't know if you can get guardianship. Can you tell us a little more about her? What's your relationship to her? Does she have any physical illnesses? What would you like to see happen? Her moving in with you? A nursing home?
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