Follow
Share

Wealthy mom, 87, has had 3 close calls with marrying pauper social companion. She always agrees it would have been a big mistake. Her short tern memory is bad, her judgement is very impaired. She agreed to sign any papers that allowed us to make all the decisions in her life, as she occasionally realizes the troubles she invites. ( financial scams, etc)

Is there a step short of declaring her mentally incompetent? That would be heartbreaking for her. Thanks

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
He's 93??? Yipes, his driving days should be coming to an end soon. I agree, hire her a driver.. maybe a young and hunky one?? LOL
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Hire a driver.
If she is wealthy, hire a whole team of services she needs.
What, exactly, is a social pauper?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Take her on a long, unannounced vacation where there is no cell phone service.
While gone, have the locks changed on her home.
Tell her, that if she continues these risky behaviors, you will detach 100%, with love.
BTW, when you were a teen, how did she deal with any "poor decision making", or risky behaviors?" I am not saying there had to be any. Tell her you are not willing to become her parent or her keeper. Hire a bodyguard that she likes more than the flake you are worried about.
Sounds like she is her own worst enemy.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Yogagirl, my point exactly!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

GardenArtist, Good point! My nutty cousin let another of her beaus move in and he helped himself to her checkbook that was just left out on the kitchen counter.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Gypsy,

Check your DPOA. If drafted by a competent attorney, it may well have broad powers that cover the other issues you mentioned. You shouldn't have to get two POAs for financial affairs. And again, the issue of mental capacity will enter the picture.

And for heaven's sake DON'T let the guy move in! You wrote that he's a social pauper - that should be reason enough not to let him move in. Do you have any idea of the information he could steal and what he could do with it if he was allowed to move in?

And how do you plan to get him out?

To allow this to happen would to me be unspeakably cruel to your mother.

Given what she thinks of him, I would think that spending several hours with him would be enough.

If she's lonely, find some activities for her so she doesn't need to look to this guy for socialization.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Gypsy, Don't let move him in either. My wealthy cousin did that and it took a lawyer, a payoff, and a marshall to remove him. It was a real mess. Once they move in, they can refuse to move out.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

A POA will not stop her from marrying someone. Pursue full Guardianship. It's the best way to protect her from predators.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks for your comments. That helps immensely. I have financial POA for assets in her investment accounts, but will get the durable right away for other things: house, oil well income, etc. Mom admits to marry him would be a huge mistake because she only likes him for short bits of time ( he's boring, he talks too much about himself") - but he drives....she thinks he will drive forever. I suggested he move i n for a month and if at the end of the month, they still wanted to get married, I'd bless it. (She will not like him around after about 4 days) But they are Catholic and their priest will not allow that = an 88 yr old and a 93 year old "can not live under the same roof without the benefit of the sacrament of marriage." I think I'll write the current pope - he seems like a reasonable guy.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Generally you could accomplish a lot if she were to give you powers under a Durable Power of Attorney, but the question would be whether she has the mental cognizance to execute one. The short term memory and impaired judgment may or may not be indicative of a lack of mental cognizance. Some people, including a few I know, have had impaired judgment for most of their adult lives.

What you can do about the companion is get a PPO against him, if there are more solid grounds than mistakenly accepting a marriage proposal. Or if she really wants to marry him, have a matrimonial attorney draft a tight pre-nuptial agreement leaving him nothing. And make sure he knows about that.

Financial scams are another issue and are more problematic, but if you were granted authority under a DPOA, you could handle her finances for her, close her credit card(s) and take away the means by which to be scammed.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I don't know the answer. What I would do is look into the requirements for a conservatorship. This way you would be able to handle the financial affairs and maybe there won't be the need to declare your mother incompetent in other areas. I am rather naive on most of these things, though, so don't know if it can be done without causing hurt feelings.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.