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Mom passed away late last year, my nephew and his family were living in my mothers house to "take care of it" (i.e. Caretaker). It took over six months to get them out of her house, but now (I assume) they are living with my brother, his wife, her kids and his other child (eight others total). When I was finally able to inspect the house, they left tons of junk and three door frames now need repair because they have been sprung from forced entry. The neighbors indicate that they had lots of fights/arguments and are so glad that they are gone. Needless to say, my entire summer has been consumed with getting the property back up to its original condition so that it can be sold. Unfortunately I had to take six weeks off to recover from an injury I incurred while working on the house.


The major problem I now have is my sibling and his bad attitude. Seems he "likes to p*ss me off" per his wife and has done so by taking possessions that I had wanted and now has drained/closed the joint account that we both had with mom. These funds were being used to hire help (i.e. haul junk away, paint the entire interior of the house and contractors/handymen to fix damages). I have kept all receipts and records of when, where and who was paid for each job, now my brother has undermined me by taking the funds I had earmarked for finishing up the work, anticipating and planning with my realtor to place the home on "the market" in October.


Here is where my current problem lies. My brother is on the deed to the house with me (mom had a life estate & we are now the sole deed holders). He has done absolutely nothing to clean up or fix up the house. I have seen him "drive by" on occasion while I was there working, but he is non-responsive to anything I try to do to "reason with him" about this house. I have consulted with my attorney, spoke with the realtor and even had a conversation with his wife. When we were still on speaking terms he indicated to me that his doctor was ordering some additional tests because they suspected that he had "early onset Alzheimer's" (he's in his mid 50's) or some other neuro-degenerative disease. I really, really don't want to go to court about something that seems so logical. Is it possible that if he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia that this unreasonable behavior is one of his symptoms? It seems that his anger is directed towards me, yet I am the one who took care of mom for her last ten years with us. I visited her, celebrated birthdays/mother's day etc. with her and although he lived closer to mom than I, he would not visit unless I asked him to come "celebrate" with us. I know that mom had difficulty remembering who he was, but how was that my fault? I really don't understand why he is being so vindictive towards me when all I want to do is release "US" from the responsibilities of keeping up another house and having a little extra cash in our bank accounts when everything is settled.


My attorney has advised me to have a conversation with my brother and explain to him that going to court is expensive and in the long run, both of us will lose a good chunk of the profits from the sale of the house to court costs and legal fees. This is the worst conundrum I have ever had to deal with and makes the ten years of taking care of mom fond memories. Oh how I wish mom & dad were here to help! Any suggestions are welcomed!!

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I think it might be difficult to reason with a person, if they have Alzheimers or some form of dementia. Does he have a Durable POA? I'd rely on legal advice and try to get your affairs settled ASAP, if possible, since, brother probably isn't going to get better. Sometimes, it helps to ask a person, Do you want to pocket more money or less money in this deal. Just let me know.
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rovana Sep 2018
Maybe talk to his wife about more/vs. less money?
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Keep track of everything you are paying out of pocket. When the house sells you get paid out prior to any division of the proceeds.

My brother is younger, and sat on important paperwork that he had to sign as Dad's POA since February. There was a March deadline for the paperwork to be completed without huge ($100K plus) penalties. He signed it on Labour Day weekend. He will be covering the penalties and interest out of his share of the estate when it is finally settled. I will not be out of pocket because he was unwilling to do his job.
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Sometimes there is no making sense of a sibling's anger toward you. Sometimes it's based on some perceived childhood wrong or jealousy. My oldest brother told me he was angry and bitter towards me because it was so unfair our father let me play middle school sports and be in several choral groups during high school. My father immediately spoke up and told him he couldn't play sports because he didn't have the grades the school required, that it wasn't a decision he (Dad) got to make.

My brother is more than a decade older than me with a higher IQ during school years but like many gifted students didn't consistently make good grades - report cards filled with As-Ds in any one term. I also had inconsistent grades in elementary school but never worse than one C in any one term. By middle school I developed enough discipline to make the straight As. Dad never made a big deal of our grades as long as they were at least Cs. I didn't get anymore praise for the straight A reporting periods than for the ones with Bs and a C. Dad did get on my brother when he made Ds and Fs and limited some of his privileges until his grades improved, like a boy scout trip. My brother also got into some trouble for minor misbehavior/pranks at school. Because I had good grades and didn't get into any trouble I was allowed to do just about anything I wanted - played sports, went on church youth and school trips, etc. I was so much younger I asked brother #2 and some cousins if our parents were tougher on brother #1 than other parents were being a their kids with similar issues - no one seems to think so.

Brother #2 told me a I shouldn't listen to much brother #1 has to say because he cooked his brain on some of the drugs he took in his 20s (during the 70s). I'm not sure how much of that is valid but I do think he has some long standing mental/emotional problems. I can see how he has some justification for thinking our parents treated me "so different" but I don't understand (1) how that could be _my_ fault, our parents were the decision makers; and (2) how he doesn't accept any responsibility for the impact his own behavior/choices make on our parents' decisions. Brother #2 is just 14 months younger than brother #1; he also got to play sports because he always had decent grades too. But brother #1 is not angry about brother #2 having privileges he didn't - just me.

Like your experience, this bitterness really came out and impacted care giving for our parents. I'm expecting it to make a mess with settling any estate too. I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that I cannot really understand my brother's feelings and reasoning. I accept it's a problem that has no solution. I try to limit our contact as much as possible so to not aggravate his anger, use defensive measures to protect myself and our parents only where really needed, and to be as courteous and kind as I can possibly be when we do interact.
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disgustedtoo Sep 2018
TNtechie;
I was #2 child, actually was the first birthday present for #1. #3 was much younger than me. While growing up, I was the target of his (#1) physical and verbal abuse. As we got older, this diminished some as we were doing our own things with our own friends. After college, marriage, etc, we were never really "together" - living far apart, get together once in a while for family gathering, etc. So, this nasty behavior was apparently "gone".

Fast forward to getting mom into a safe place and cleaning out the condo to rent/sell. He came up to help a few times in 2 years, staying for 1-2 weeks (bulk of the work, excluding moving furniture, really fell on me, plus being primary contact, doctor appointments, most visits, SS, pension, finances, trust, coordinating major repairs needed, etc fell on my plate.) Sometimes he became a bit testy during these "trips", but I (unfortunately) chalked it up to stress, trying to get more done than we had time for, etc. His last "visit" to help was in May. The plan was to stay at my place for the 2 weeks and we would work on clean up/fix up together. He could visit mom as well during down time, as condo was a hike, mom is 15 min away. He lasted from Sunday afternoon to Friday evening. He got mad as hell over stupid things (an hour or day later it was like it never happened when these "incidents" occurred.) That evening he crossed the room and threw me to the floor, twice, bruising my ankle badly and hurting my leg. I told him to get the F out of my house and he will NEVER be welcome back! During his time "packing" he kept coming back and throwing verbal insults at me. He showed up with stuff from mom's place Mon, Tues and Wed, but I refused to acknowledge he was there or let him in. He'd sit out there, no call, no text, just sit out there for an hour+ and then leave the stuff. Sure, I'm going to welcome THAT back in... NOPE!

I realize now this is WHO HE IS and ALWAYS has been. I did check with his daughter, to find out what the deal was with his first divorce (we heard almost nothing - sounds like maybe this is what happened then too! We will never know as sadly she passed away after some surgery many years later.) However, his daughter told me that he's done similar to her, even as a late teen and young adult! I was aware of how he treated her as a child when they or we were visiting (5yo, his tone of voice AND what he said to her was totally inappropriate - I suspect she grew up with this crap all the time!)

So consider your brother is who he is, tread lightly around him (if you really have to be around him), or do like I did - no contact. Forget the high IQ business - it really means very little... Ted Kaczynski (unabomber) was considered some kind of genius, yet what did that get him? People can be all kinds of "smart" but not have a clue or waste their talents just floating along on that "smartness"! Although drugs could play a role, it sounds like this predates the possible drug years.

FWIW I actually spent some time looking up sibling abuse after the incident in May. Not rivalry, ABUSE! It is a real thing, and although they say it has not really been studied as well as it should, they indicate that sibling abuse is more rampant than any other abuse! The problem is too many people (parents included) chalk it up to sibling rivalry or "boys being boys"... The behavior is typically not evident when parents are around, so they tend not to put much credence in anything reported by a child. That does NOT explain someone who drives a fist into a sleeping sibling's stomach in the middle of the night, does it?

No, do not second guess yourself about him. HE is the problem. Keep on with that limited contact or better yet NO contact. In our case, he lives 2 days drive away, is not likely to visit mom again (while here he went twice and refused to go again because "he didn't know what to do with her."), so it is not like he'd come here to see her!
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Is it possible to have a sit down conversation with your brother and his wife? Or could you meet with just his wife if he’s not open to meeting with you, and tell her what the lawyer has said and perhaps she can communicate and reason with him? If those steps fail and he’s not going to be reasonable I’d proceed with your lawyer to the next steps and let it cost your brother
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Thanks to everyone who has reached out to help. Last time I called my SIL she let it go to voicemail and I suspect he has told his wife not to talk to me. TNtechie I believe you have hit the nail on the head (so to speak), when my brother was still talking to me, he did bring up a bunch of complaints from our childhood. Blamed me for our parents not wanting to pay for contacts for him (I could not tolerate wearing hard contact lenses) or dental work (he says mom & dad used to say to him "why couldn't you have been born with pretty teeth like your sister"). Ridiculous reasons, with absolutely no rational.

So, what to do? I really hate to spend the money to go to court to force his hand on selling moms/our house and with winter coming I suppose I could use that time to finish fixing the place up so that it is better than ever. I'm in Michigan.......does anyone out there know how much taking my brother to court will cost??
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Penguinb Sep 2018
get a copy of any attorneys fees, beforehand, make them state in writing their fees.
I was charged for every phone call, email, question, postage, filing court records.
I now understand how that works, $2030.00 later, and it is still not closed.
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Greed, control and you will probely find your brother is a narcissistic. We had ful” POA and the exector of my uncles will sued us for spending to much of his money on him.

i hate her more that I’ve ever thought I could hate anyone, this aunt is 72 years old never cared or participated in any care for our uncles as she lived is the USA, greed narcissism, waited on him dying, so she could swoop in and take all.
I lost my home in Scotland as I had no moeny to pay her, we had receipts for ever thing we bought and paid for. So I say POA is not worth a penny and if you have a greedy narcissistic aunt that wanted it all this is what narcissist do, and I’m talking about 600k that she ended up with but that wasn’t enough for her. I hate her and have to believe in Karma, May she rot in hell, and her 2 daughters.
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I hate to be blunt, but quit reasoning with a whimpering sibling and take him to court, cut your loses and move on. I say this as I may be gearing up for a similar episode with a (freeloading) sibling. Thankfully legal is on my side, but my lawyer did say sibling could be a momentary disrupter.
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well you could talk to other lawyers so get different opinions on it as long as they do not charge you .. try to make sure they are not taking your money to when it comes down to it ..make them prove that what you will get is right do not let them tell you one thing then come back & they screw you to .. maybe try to sell the house in spring if not soon .. it is good you keep the records .. i have no ideal how much it cost to sue him but the lawyers should know ..good luck
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Minimize the opportunity for drama and insults by communicating primarily through text and email. When all correspondence is "on the record," this will streamline this painful and arduous experience.
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I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with your brother. I suggest you do your best to "dodge the bricks" until you have this property finally sold. Just accept the fact that people can be irrational and insulting to those who are doing their best to complete the tasks needed to reconcile the estate. You will have to continue to assume the role as "the grown up." Do your best to be dispassionate as you interact with him - this might diffuse some of his provocative behavior. If it becomes necessary to take legal actions, do so without hesitation - however, be sure to keep a running journal of your expenses along the way and send a copy of this by email or certified postal mail to him frequently. Whenever you are being forced to take legal actions or spend money - take this position of "I have no other choice but to . . ."
Minimize face-to-face or telephone conversations - primarily use text or email. This will allow you to keep a "paper trail" that might be needed later in legal proceedings and also reduces the level of drama. In all correspondence be sure to document your invitation for your brother to act logically and rationally - clearly describe/suggest what that behavior looks like as this will give him a noble reputation to live up to. As decisions are made, it will be clear for other parties to see who is being reasonable and rational. Even if your brother is struggling to think clearly or make rational/logical/responsible decisions - you have no other option but to wade through these muddy waters for a time. There is a chance that he might be influenced by your courage and grace. Either way, it will help you keep your sanity along the way.
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Lawyer.
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Why don't you just sell the house as is and split the profits with your brother as directed by the deed? Court costs can escalate so easily. If you get a lawyer, you will have to pay fees anyway and that expense will come out of your pocket. Just sell the house, take your share and be done with it. Your brother has problems that you will not be able to solve and fighting over the house will just add additonal stress to you both.
You did well well taking care of your Mom. You will have always have the satisfaction of knowing how great you cared for her and during that time you also included your brother which is an axtra kudo to you. It is time for you to pamper yourself now! Good luck!
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Its family .do we want to ague fight over stuff ? No just let it go its not worth fight over ..Its family ..dont want to argue over matereal stuff ..whats more important family or the house . ??
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Let it all go. It's not worth it. Sell the house as is, take whatever profit you get out of the sale and move on with your life. What's more important? Your sanity or the riff that has built up between your brother and yourself? You will have a happier life if you give up control and move on to better things that will make you happier because you would be free of the whole mess.
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Can you get a professional (lawyer, realtor, accountant?) to be the person contacting your brother? He may not be as uncooperative with someone else.

I agree with the advice to sell the home as is. We went through this a couple of years ago and the extra money you may (or may not) get isn't worth the hassle of renovations that the new owner may not even want. You can sell the home with broken door jambs. Take the possessions you want, call someone to empty out the rest and put it on the market.
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cheryl4209 Sep 2018
She cannot sell the home if she is not the sole owner. That would be fraudulent.
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You said you and your brother are “on the deed” but that can mean several things. If you both were on there with Mom, then you will have to open Probate to even be able to sell the property. That will require an attorney. Be prepared for brother to tell you “no” to Probate. That means a legal hearing to appoint an Administrator, who gets paid by the way. I have an EXACT scenario going on right now in my family.
If by chance the house had already been deeded over to you and brother with no one else on the deed, if it is 50/50 you still won’t be able to sell without his cooperation. You will then have to “sue “ him in Court to ask for a forced sale based on your lopsided financial burdens for the house.
Either way, DO NOT put another penny in the house. It might be all for naught.
One other possible option , if you and your brother are the only people on the Deed, is to pay for a professional Market Value Appraisal and then make a formal, offer , in writing, to your brother to buy his half out.
All of the above require legal services by an experienced Probate Law attorney.
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suiee7005 Sep 2018
If house is life estate then no probate is necessary since it is an automatic transfer upon death ..the attorney that will handle closing when house is sold will take care of the deed
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Legally, being a co-owner (which is how Mom left her house to you and your brother in a life estate), you cannot sell the house without your brothers consent and signature on all real estate documents pertaining to the sell.
You should NOT spend your personal money on the house or property because you may not be able to get your money back at the time of sell because you did not have your brothers written permission to do so even if you have all the receipts. Always protect yourself personally and financially.
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time with your brother. Sometimes a death of a parent does bring out feelings & anger of siblings that we often cannot explain or understand. Just try to remember all the good times you had with your Mom and know you did what was good for her. You may never be able to resolve this problem with your brother and you may watch the house fall apart but he still won't agree to sell. At some point you may have to simply walk away.
I wish you well with your brother & the house.
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Try to reason with him. My friend's legal court battles with her brother took over 7 YEARS to resolve, with much of the money going for legal fees.
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My advice is to sell the house as is ...get junkluggers or similar company to haul away what you don’t want & they give you tax receipts...split 50/50 with bro & then start your new life. Hugs 🤗 to you ...if mom had life estate, that means she was allowed to live in the house as long as she wanted if was safe...now you can sell.
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cheryl4209 Sep 2018
Correction: Either sibling can only sell their undevided interest. You cannot force anyone to sell their half without filing for Partition.
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Your brother might be mad at you because you might have evicted your nephew out of the house. Then again it could have been because he trashed the place. My advice for anyone reading this. Don't let family move in! My aunt stole and trashed my grandmother's house. She knew it ws temporary. I don't know why they feel entitled to trash the place. Perhaps they thought it was an outright gift, and got mad when they found out it was to be sold. Then they figured out they werent getting a free house or any $ from the sale? werent getting it, or any $ ? Greed always stares families apart.

I hope you took pics/videos of all the damage he did.
Your brother might feel you saddled him with another family. I dunno if that is the case. But it would explain the increasing hostility. Maybe he is paying for a second family. That could be why brother took the money? I'm sure nephew is whining to him.

I wouldn't kill myself working on a home that he's going to get half. Not when he can't lift a finger to fix it. I'd sell as a flipper or as is.

How can you sell a house if he is on the deed? Can he refuse to sign once sold? Not sure how that works. I'd send an email stating your not fixing it. Fixing it costs $ and your time. Your not getting paid, just injured physically and mentally. Perhaps brother thinks your fixing it for free to get more of the proceeds? Who knows.

You could try to take the nephew to court. I'm sure he could be made to pay for trashing it, if you have proof. That will sever all ties with your brother permanently. He's going to take the sons side.
What if you said he has to go to every meeting with the realtor? Why should you do all the legwork selling it? I bet if you said your not paying the taxes and let it go he would step up.
I'd tell him he can't have it both ways. Be hostile and not lift a finger to fix it, but wants a payout after you fix it up to get more money.
Can you talk to the wife without the brother, or will she be hostile too? Maybe an email will be better than face to face?
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katfishkate Sep 2018
My nephew knew that after grandma passed away, he had 90 days to find another place to live.....mid March he was supposed to be gone. He wined to his father who extended it to June 1st.......then it took another couple of weeks after that till they were "almost"moved out. My nephew is non-collectable, can't keep a job and used my mothers house as a "drug house" (have pics of what we found as well as all of the Junk he left behind). The neighbors are glad that he is gone because of the "strange traffic" that took place while he lived there as well as the frequent fights/arguments.

My brother has admitted to others that he intentionally took some of moms possessions that he knew I wanted "just to P*ss me off" and has put some of them in storage (other items he took to the dump or sold in a garage sale). Any emails that he has sent to me are full of profanity and false accusations. I really don't know this person anymore! My mother loved her house and the state that my nephew left it in is beyond deplorable.

I can't just walk away. As I said before, I have spent this entire summer working on this house. The junk is gone, the interior walls are freshly washed and painted (after repairing the numerous holes) and most of the hardwood floors have been cleaned and refreshed. I plan to see my attorney this week to begin whatever action is necessary. Wish me Luck!
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Partition. (1) Find yourself a good property attorney, ie one who specializes in Real Estate. (2) Visit your local lender to get pre qualified for a reasonable amount to buy him out. (3) File for Partition.
Do not back down. Most of these cases are settled along the way. Your siblings will be forced to respond and either accept an offer from you for their undevided interest, or as you said, lose a lot of the value to court costs. The court will either divide the property— splitting it geographically or sell to highest bidder.
Either way, you will be rid of this low-life relationship.
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Write the whimpering sibling off, and cut all ties with him
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I don't really understand how these things work in probate. Is there someone "in charge"? Having receipts for everything you've paid for won't do you any good unless there is someone to adjudicate. If you are equally empowered with him, you will have to, as others have said, legally buy him our or quit claim to him. I don't know how that works. But people empty accounts all the time. There are many posts on this board about similar injustices. Protect yourself. Don't expect to get anything much. Your mother set you up for this by having you both on the deed and allowing him to (somehow) have access to those accounts. This is her consequence but it results in it dumping on you, so just try to minimize your exposure and protect your health. You will NOT get out of this without hard feelings from your brother. It sounds as if there is no reasoning with him any longer. So I would agree with others that you need to get some good legal advice and get ready to close the door to that side of the family once this is over. I agree also for you to put no more money in this. It's not a family home any longer. It's not a memory. It's business. Sell it and move on.

When my mother died over 20 years ago, I was executor of her trust and had to sell the house right away to pay off the over $70,000 in credit card debt (in 1997 dollars!) that she had accumulated as she paid for my brother's living expenses. The house had been allowed to become a disaster as she could not afford even minimal maintenance as she put her retirement money, too, toward helping him. (She was a complete enabler.) She would have been fine financially if it weren't for supporting him and his family.

So I sold the place ASAP and had to split the remaining proceeds with him 50/50. Was it fair? No. Did I have any legal recourse? No. The way I looked at it then is how I look at it now. If the house had burned to the ground and everything in it had been destroyed, I would not have gotten a thing. So anything I got out of it was better than nothing. "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." That's all you can do.
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If he simply ignores working on the sale/signing or is circumventing, it will likely be best to contact the attorney who set up the life estate to determine what your options are. We also have a life estate, but are selling it now - mom is still alive, so it is a different circumstance. My hopes are that non-local brother will feed his "share" back into the trust fund for mom. Attorney said we cannot force him to do so, but as for selling, we got all the paperwork ready for tomorrow's closing.

I would think that there could be legal ways around getting him to work with you and sign paperwork. Granted it will cost money to do that, but it will cost more to hand on to the place! As others suggested, hopefully you have kept good records on what was spent to fix it up (deductions!) and if you spend any money out of pocket, you should get that back at closing. However, you would HAVE to get this worked out before putting the house on the market. Usually if someone wants to buy, they have a set date for closing, and it usually is quick, so you won't have time to work it out then. Also, people buying won't want hassles to deal with for closing - so yes, get this dealt with asap.

As for him taking the funds from her account, the attorney can probably help there too. Yes, it belongs to you both after her death, but it should be equal. You, hopefully, have records to show how you used funds. If he doesn't, what he "took" should come off his share of the proceeds of the sale.
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Get the best legal advice you can- and proceed in the quickest manner to be done with this, I would not surrender or feel any guilt .He will not care- these type of self centered self absorbed never do, Hit him where it hurts. That's the financial and the money part-  get as uch as you can and move on. Good luck!
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Katfishkat
It's not a conundrum you're in, it's called you're up sh**'s creek without a paddle.
1. Get a different attorney
2. I say this all of the time on these posts but it helps SO MUCH that you can actually know more than the attorney!!
RESEARCH YOUR STATE LAWS!
a. Do you live in a Common Law State v Community Property
b. This is something people NEVER think about: RESEARCH SECRATARY OF STATE RULES AND REGULATIONS FOR ANY CHANGES IN THESE REQUIREMENTS!
My sister had Mom redo the beneficiary deed in Nov 2011 BUT new regulation(s) requirements became law in July 2011!! The NOTARY DID NOT COMPLETE THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTATION SO THE 2ND DEED IS INVALID! Research opinions of attorneys who deal with these issues. NOT every so called family or elderly law attorney truly understands the law....my step-sister's attorney tried to bully me, but didn't have a leg to stand on which I had so much fun watching her squirm at my Court hearing!!
c. TALK WITH A PARALEGAL WHO WORKS FOR AN ATTORNEY/HAS OWN BUSINESS HELPING PREP COURT DOCS ETC. THEY KNOW MORE THAN THE ATTORNEYS. JUST LIKE ON MEDICAL TV SHOWS, THE NURSES KNOW MORE THAN DRS (our daughter is an RN, my step-brother-in-law is Chief of ER as well as a Medicine Professor @ Large for Mich State....these shows depict exactly how it is in real life!)
d. Did you know that RNs are actually graded at the same standards as if they were in high school biology while Drs are a pass/fail grade system?
3. GET A MEMBERSHIP WITH AN ON-LINE WEBSITE LIKE JUSTANSWER.COM. Don't laugh, $49 a month I could ask as many questions as I needed, scan docs to them. You can request an attorney who works, knowledge of the laws in your State 24/7. LegalZoom.com isn't worth a tinker's da**. There was an advertisement on AgingCare and that's how I found Justanswer.com. I've had a membership for over 3 yrs and just like an exceptional paralegal, these attorneys have a plethora of help. They even helped me understand State Statutes etc
3. Request ALL current RECORDED docs from the State Recorder's office. It's going to cost money....I've spent $200+ on recording fees as well as copy fees. You'll need certified copies....these cost extra.
You can look at the documents on-line 1st as they are public records.
4. How was the beneficiary deed naming you 2? Mom would have only been on the deed. You/brother should have been on a beneficiary deed, otherwise both of you are like husband/wife if you're on the "deed".
Is there a quit claim deed involved? Your Mom would have been the ONLY signer/person on this doc
5. Did Mom leave a Will? If not, then EVERYTHING should have gone through Probate as she would have passed enstate meaning she did not leave any instructions as to how she wanted things done. Even IF she had one, it still goes to Probate for the Court to review as a Will is only the WISHES of the decedent.
6. Your brother is a player. Yes, people younger than 50 can suffer Alzheimer's, dementia or both. RESEARCH AND TALK WITH A SPECIALIST IN THIS AREA OF MEDICINE ABOUT WHAT YOUR BROTHER HAS TOLD YOU
7. IF the accounts were JOINT meaning any 1 of you had "rights" to the money, you're screwed and would need to take him to Court. IF Mom was the account holder and she gave both of FINANCIAL POA, you have a better case as POA stops immediately upon the person's passing. IF the 2 of you were "AUTHORIZED SIGNERS" the bank should have been notified about the death as well as in the case of POA.
IF these mitigating factors were not done, you have a better chance of a settlement for the money, especially since you have the records....cudos!
8. IF your brother allowed his family members to live in the house WITHOUT your permission as well as not charging rent, you can and most likely do have a case against your brother. He maybe a beneficiary, but it must be decided between the 2 of you as to who is living there (background checks), as well as a signed rental/lease agreement. This would have stated that upon leaving the
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Katfishkate con't the property it must be in the same condition at the time they moved in. A deposit should be listed i.e. 1st/last month's rent as well as being able to go to small claims Court for damages.
Family members are the WORST when it comes to this. My sister lived at Mom's for 10 yrs and never lifted a finger to keep house or maintain things like the sprinkler system. I'm doing the same samethings you are as I am Mom's guardian/conservator. The sad thing is technically the money comes out of her money, but I have a guilt complex about that so I pay ALOT out of pocket for now; I pay the bills from her money.
My step-siblings were all concerned when I became involved about whether Daddy would get the house (Mom's sole/separate property), her retirement accounts etc should Mom pass before Daddy. I thought that was very odd to start off with these questions. They are upset that it doesn't work that way in my home State as it is COMPLETELY COMMUNITY PROPERTY. Daddy only gets 50% of anything during the marriage, not before. He was an "authorized" signer on the account (I told Mom not to do it, let him have his own account), therefore he COULD NOT add anyone to the account....really pi**** off all of them. THREE BANKERS told her, BUT the last one after I told her to open an account for she and Daddy so I could transfer funds over, she had Daddy sign any inter office debit for $21.892.08 moved to the new account then told him how to setup on-line banking so SHE HAD THE ACCESS DENIED TO HER, moved $8.800 to the account for the 1st month rent to the assisted living group home I had to place both as well as having asked me for $2.200 from the get go. This last one, she told me the bank opened the account without a deposit (I'm retired retail banking officer...doesn't work that way, but I love my step-father and transferred anyway. There is more money she got thru Daddy's Alzheimer's and using her DPOA fraudulently. Now, every sibling step or blood cannot do ANYTHING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!
The Judge asked me about the money issues and I said that anyone with half a brain should be able to read the entire notations on every transaction. I told him she put the money in a Trust as she signs all the docs as POA AND TRUSTEE now. This woman is a college GRADUATE in education, she's messing with the wrong person.
I hired an attorney whose practice is 75% Elderly Abuse Law. Notice to Appear have been filed and my step-sister will have alot of explaining to do in Court/on record! I am an interested party, so I can attend the hearing and OMG, I provided the attorney with COPIES OF ALL OF THE TRANSACTIONS relating to just the $30.000+ as well as emails I was copied to back the $21.8992.08!!

So, my very long answer to you is, DON'T TAKE THE WORD OF THE 1ST ATTORNEY YOU TALK WITH. Keep calling others, research their area of law % they do, find a paralegal who helps as a business on the side in this area, keep your records VERY DETAILED, hope you have pictures of the destruction, truly get a membership with on-line service like I did and lastly...RESEARCH EVERYTHING, EVERYONE UNTIL YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GOING BLIND!

It felt really good taking step-sister's attorney, Court appointed Fiduciary for Mom AND the Judge to school in this matter. The best part, I had a GREAT paralegal helping me and I REPRESENTED MYSELF. I did all the leg work, that's tough, but I only had a $725 bill for the paralegal's work/help any time I needed her. I DID NOT HIRE MY ATTORNEY UNTIL AFTER I WAS APPOINTED BY THE COURT.
GO GET HIM GIRL!! YOU CAN DO THIS, I DIDN'T THINK I COULD AT FIRST, BUT THE MORE I LEARNED THE MORE CONFIDENCE I HAD IN MYSELF.
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Keep all of your receipts and a log of hours spent at the house working on repairs. Document everything and take photos of damage before and after. Don't know if you'll have to take family renters to court or file suit to get reimbursed against the estate. Sounds more like your brother wants and expects you to do all the work so he can benifit from it. Good luck.
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Good luck getting money taken from account. If you were both joint tenants with your mom on the account he has every "legal" right to withdrawal all funds and close it. Unfortunately it was not set up as a POD 50% per beneficiary. Count your blessings he did not overdraft the account because you would've been held responsible to make the bank whole again if he didn't. This is the reason my SIL is not on my MIL accounts, she would use them as her personal atm.
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Hire a contractor to renovate the house. Your relative will be responsible for half the bill.
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rovana Sep 2018
If relative does not agree to renovation, can they fight their share of the bill? In other words, do you need their consent first?
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