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My 97 yr. old Mom was taken off hospice and over the last several months has slowly refused to take a bath, let me wash her hair or give her a shower. The same goes for her using the toilet. She only seems to want to go once a day if that. She wears incontinent supplies.

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I don't know how mobile your mom is. I get mom to get up to move a bit or go to the bathroom by saying it would otherwise be bad for her butt to sit too long, reminding her she used to get pressure ulcers there.

I have long given up on giving Mom the traditional shower or bath. Her over the top resistance and resentment was not worth the physical and psychological battles to keep her clean and fresh. So far, she's luckily been compliant with an occasional wipedown with warm (face) towels using a rinseless body wash and shampoo that I follow up with towels rinsed with warm water only--the water-only wipedown is because the rinseless mix with warm water gets cool easily and the water-only wipedown can be done with towels freshly rinsed under warm running tap water so she doesn't get cold plus I'll also slather on body lotion after the water-only wipedown as double method to keep her warm (the heater clicks on and off for the duration of the wipedown; turning it on too high is unbearable and besides, having wash and water-only wipedowns followed by body lotion helps my peace of mind (not too many chemicals on her body) and she tolerates it.

Best of luck...
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Ebees1 and Spedgal, have you thought that it may be time for caregivers to be brought in? During my personal journey with my dad I learned that one of the 1st signs of dementia is lack of personal hygiene. Have they been diagnosed or checked for that. I personally feel that the inability to use the toilet for what ever reason is a condition beyond home care. I guess when you hear of all the diseases that can be contracted thru fecal matter I believe it is time for professional care. Best of luck to both of you during this very difficult time, hugs for all yous do.
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I don't have an answer, but do have the same question. My mother's currently receiving housekeeping services through a local agency. The agency contacted the family today and said they would be filing a report with the Adult Protection Agency for neglect if nothing is done. What are we children to do? We try to get her to bathe, but she will not and she also limits her trips to the bathroom to just a few times a day and instead will choose to soil her incontinence pads. 

My mother lives independently and when my brother bought his new house, he built an apartment for her.  The bathroom is huge and has multiple shower head and seats in it so she wouldn't even have to stand to shower.  It is also wheelchair accessible, so she can take her walker into the shower if needed.  No matter what we do and her children, she refuses to bathe.

Help!
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Ebees1, it is my understanding that there are professional caregivers, who work for Caregiving Agencies, who only do bathing help for elders or someone with disabilities. These caregivers have a knack for getting their clients to bathe, shower, and wash their hair. It would be money well spent :)

I see that your Mom lives at home with you. Usually what happens is that the adult/child dynamics kicks where where once again Mom is the adult/boss and you are back to being a teenager. Thus, Mom isn't going to listen to you, but she might listen to someone wearing an uniform.
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Hang on. Someone should be able to answer your question.
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