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I am 73 yrs old and my son is 52. We live on a small piece of land in my trailer house. He owns 1/3rd of this land. The problem is that he has brought drugs, hard liquor & pornography into my 1972 trailer house; and when I complain, he destroys something I value. He has given me a list of what he expects showing I am to carry ALL financial responsibility. I feel threatened and carry my purse with me at all times, even have hadden some valuable jewelry. I am depressed much of the time feeling hopeless and helpless. Is there anything I can do to stop this before it gets physical and/or my mental/physical abilities decline to the extent I would not be able to?

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Ps: don't waste money on a lawyer. Just file a complaint with the police- you are hostage by fear and intimidation.
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I told my son- leave or I will have you evicted. Ultimately I called the police on his ADULT butt. Get that into your head- he's an unproductive adult. Have no guilt- drug addicts are notorious at the guilt and fear card. And if you fear him- call 911 and surprise his removal. Also- the Senior care department of welfare will help if you need. Get him out- he is an old man himself- and has a teenager entitled mentality.
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Well, today "was" the day I was going to see the lawyer. It was also the day I was going into town to get some animal feed and medication for myself. However, it started raining during the night and now is raining cats & dogs. If my son goes into town, I will at least have an opportunity to "call" APS as well as call a lawyer; so as to make an appointment....maybe get a bit of information I am needing.

Thank you all for your support. The kind understanding you have expressed toward a son I love dearly is much appreciated too.
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Please get help from APS soon. Document everything that is happening. The fact you are socially isolated is concerning too. While we all want our families to "keep on keeping on" the reality is hard decisions MUST be made to keep everyone safe...parents and caregivers. You are lovely! So let's thank God for all HIs faithfulness in the past and His provision and now accept changes MUST come so you have peace and dignity and not strife and danger. Go to the local APS office and report everything. They will protect you.
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Sorry for your troubles....
I think you need to keep in mind that whenever drugs are involved, it's bad...really bad...and your son isn't really the person you remember...drugs changes people and can make them do anything...including hurt their own mother. I think you need to get him out of your life and get yourself in a safe situation , especially before you are unable to do so. Can you hire a lawyer? And always have someone around when you speak to him. Ask elder services for help...they may be able to help you for free or low cost. You don't have to put up with this, but in order to handle it you will need to do the work...he's counting on you NOT doing anything and just taking it. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Please get someone to help you. Good luck!
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You are all so kind and I do so appreciate your seeing the good in my son. It is definately there.
Well, I do realize this 1972 trailer is old; but my Heavenly Father gave it to me and it is still keeping us warm during the winter, cool during summer and withstands the storms we get. Yes I could contact local adult community services and maybe even find a place for myself in some type of home for the elderly. (I suspect my son would like me to resolve this situation in that way.) However, even at my age I can still tend the animals (milk, medicate, trim hooves), raise a garden, tend the fruit trees (prune and spray). I walked over the pastures yesterday; so I know I can use the brush mower to mow the grass for winter hay. All I'd need do is rest often and let my buck pull the sheets of hay to the barn once it has dried enough. I can still process goat and chickens for the freezer, even slaughter them if I have to. (My son has done all the slaughtering so far; but I have done half of the gutting, skinning, etc.) So leaving this homestead seems foolish to me at this time.

Yes I do realize I've been an enabler to some extent. I just never found a way to get past helping my son when he needed it. Saying "no" to him has been very hard. However, I'm finally learning he would take all I have and not even understand how it would be affecting me...or maybe he would and just not care. (I don't know which hurts worse, his lack of empathy, which hurts himself in the long run, or his lack of concern which hurts me.)

Yes I have asked my son if he wants me to make some calls and find a therapist for him to talk with. I would go too if it were "family" oriented. He says no. Neither of us attend a church. I have no relatives and never go anywhere to make friends, though a nearby lady says hello now and then. She is my son's age and has always been kind and polite...a good neighbor to have. I do not want to burden her with my problems as she has her own to deal with.

Realtime, I wish we were close too. I could help you with some of your chores and, when you felt well enough, you could help me. The world world would be surprised by what a couple of old women can do by themselves. (When I first got to this area, I was in my early 50s and mother had been told she was in the last stages of parkinsons and would probably die within the year. I started a garden and helped mother out to it to help me work it. Within 2 months, she was going out by herself to work it and was even putting her harms over her head to hang clothes. I truely believe a positive attitude and willing spirit can take us thru much more than just our bodies can do on their own.
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Dear Elderly73, I wish we were neighbors! I would love for you to drop in for coffee! I admire so much what you have done to make a life on your property, care for your mother, tend goats, build buildings, take care of the garden! It sounds like the popular dream of "living off the grid." (Although, at 71 myself, I know I wouldn't be able to do it much longer. Can you?) You're in a terrible situation. You have to get back your freedom and peace of mind, and that means you have to kick your son to the curb. You have to be a tough cookie to have accomplished so much, so you'll have to do it one more time. The big issue is how to assure your own safety and protect your property while you do it. The advice you have had---call a lawyer, call adult protective services, call the police---is all good, but you need protection during the process. A bodyguard, basically. Are you alone in the community except for your son? Is there any neighbor, friend from the past you have lost touch with---any resource at all---who could stay with you while you get this done? Don't worry about your son's share of the property --- you can deal with that after you have dealt with the immediate threat. And honey, the way you describe it, you're being threatened!
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The 1972 trailer is a worthless fire trap, and should be condemned. Your son is also a serious threat to your safety. Forget the lawyer, go see the sheriff and he will find you safe haven. He can connect you to county services for the aging.
May your angels guide you.
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I am glad to know that you are going to a lawyer. I hope this can be resolved without a lot more trauma.

You worry about what you are doing wrong. In my mind it is wrong to enable someone to continue their poor and self-destructive behavior. He is all grown up. He is responsible for himself.
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Too bad, I know you love your son and these issues and his demands and disrespectful treatment make you heartsick. Agree you should see lawyer and seek some legal advice on the property and a peaceful solution. If you can't afford an attorney, check with your local senior center or AARP where you might find some free legal advice or sliding scale advice from a senior volunteer.

Next, you say he's religious, is there a trusted church counseling group or pastor who could help mediate and or help you two find a workable living situation? Is it possible for him to move out into his own place and rent his property back to you? Will another mobile home fit on the property? Could you or he afford another trailer? I think you need some separation for your own mental health. He probably wishes he could afford to live independently to.

Good luck. Please seek counseling for both of you, or yourself. You shouldn't live in fear, or fear of him stealing from you.
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I understand what you are saying. I really do empathize. Personally I am the kind of person where my son could murder someone and I will still be in that courtroom wringing my hands and praying for him. I guess it's in my blood. BUT. Regardless of loving my children unconditionally, and I do, if it comes down to his way or the highway, you may have to show him the highway. I mean, you are willing, and have so far, sacrificed and sort of cow-towed to him because you love him and you fear him a little. And you raised him from an infant; you gave birth to this person, you raised him. You UNDERSTAND why he is the way he is... or perhaps not, and you love him anyway. and I commend you for that, to a point. But you must step back and view this from outside the window. What would you tell a good friend you care for and love to do, if she were you?
You can have your son's back and know in your heart he has good qualities; I'm sure he does. But you must implement some changes for the betterment of YOU before you get too much older. You are not trying to hurt him; you are trying to help yourself.
It sounds like he probably isn't a bad person but that he does need some help. Not financial as much as mental and communicative help so that he can understand your position. I don't know if he would be open to that.
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Lizawren, the property is "one" tract that cannot be subdivided.
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Well, I cannot disagree with anything you have all said. It just hurts so badly to have what my "head" has known all along validated by others.

I'ld like to say, he has many wonderful qualities. He is a hard worker when he works and can be generous and kind. The parts of his character that is hurting shows up where money is a consideration. He has helped with finances in the past and, though about half of his income has disappeared thru the years (and all of a $7,000 cash he received "retroactively" from Disability), he has been generous (purchasing a microwave, a toaster, a CD/VHS player and paying for half of a 36" TV). He is really not a bad person and is quite religious. However, periodically he talks about starting a business and that is when money starts disappearing again. I see so much potential in him and am hurting that his choices are causing problems for him. Yes, for me too; but he is actally the one those bad choices will wind up hurting the most because practicing those poor behaviors can become a habit. I pray for him as I pray that I stay out of his way so he can mabe make better choices without somehow seeing me as the instigator of those choices. (I do realize I keep blaming myself on some level. If I could just keep my silence, not complain and pay what he wants me to, all would be good. Then I realize how stupid that sounds.)

As mentioned above, I'm going to talk with a lawyer next week to find out if I have any legal ground for some type of positive resolution. I'm also going to find a support group to help me with the emotional parts of this problem solving.

Yes, I do realize when he finds out what I'm doing, more things could be destroyed. My stomach stays in a knot at the thought of his taking the chain saw and collapsing the large barn created for the goats. (He put the roofing rafters up and helped put up the OSB and rolled roofing while I paid for everything and actually did all the rest of the construction alone.) I can hear him saying, "I put that roof up. I can take it down!" I actually believe he might do this, though my heart says he wouldn't do such a thing. However, he has thrown my computer into the back of my pickup during a storm, cracking the screen and breaking the box and he has cut the cable to the 6" TV we have. (The larger one stopped working.)

I keep wanting to blame myself believing if I can find out what I'm doing wrong, I can fix this problem for both of us. Then immediately I realize how foolish this thinking is because it takes 2 to problem solve; and if only one is willing, there is no real resolution.

Thank you all for speaking your minds; and please do not hesitate to tell me what I might be doing wrong. I can take it and make whatever changes are needed in my own behavior. (I keep monitoring my own behavior constantly and pray God will show me what to do and not to do as I don't trust myself to know at this time.)
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I'm not sure how this is usually done, but can you legally divide the property and tell him to stay off your portion? Considering his history of property damage and criminal activity, it shouldn't be hard to get something legally enforceable. Adult Protective Services and your local Council on Aging are great places to start making a plan. Also, look for resources on domestic violence beyond APS - there are a lot of them out there, and many are ready, able, and willing to help someone in need.
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Surely you should call APS? Your son may own ⅓ of the land, but does that necessarily give him a right to occupy your home? Especially in circumstances where you are being bullied by him, feeling constantly intimidated, your property destroyed, and illegal activities are being pursued in your home against your express wishes… I shouldn't have thought it would be too difficult to get him removed. You would then need to be protected against his return or further threats, but again I should have thought that would be obvious to the authorities. Are you in a very isolated location? Are there friends and neighbours around?

You cannot continue as you are, things will only get worse. Contact whoever you are most comfortable speaking to, police or social workers, and seek advice without delay.
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Sorry to say, having dealt with a druggy ex, you cannot reason with these people. Some are good people that go bad when mixed with drugs/ alcohol, and some are bad from the start with drugs / alcohol making it worse. I don't know which category your son started in, but he's bad and beyond reason now. For his own good and yours, you need to get him out of your life before he "destroys" you! There are laws on the books against elder abuse, and you are being abused. There are laws on the books against illegal drug use. If you can get into town with a friend, I would go to the police and tell them what is happening. Be forewarned -- anything you try to do to get yourself out of this situation might result in him coming back to hurt you since he has already displayed violence by destroying your property. If possible, pack up and leave while the police arrest him or run him off. I don't know what kind of police / prosecutes your town has. They may take this very seriously, or they might drag their feet. You have to decide if you have the guts to press charges. Reach down deep inside yourself and do it. Once he has been arrested, you can make him an offer for what his 1/3 of what the land is REALLY worth. Appraised value and what you can actually sell the property for are two different things. He will need the money to bail his sorry backside out of jail., and pay his attorney's fees.
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If you son has given you a list where it shows you carry the vast majority, if not all, of the financial responsibility, tell him to the goat feed is a wash. That burns me up that he did that and still cries about the "goat feed"... please..... sounds like you have supported him. At 52 it's time for him to learn how to support himself without disrespecting his mother. I know you love him, and I understand. I really do. But dammit you cannot allow him to call those shots. That is plain wrong. If there is any way to get him enough cash to start over independently and make a go of it on his own, I would jump at the chance to do that. I hope your atty can give you some good advice.
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I do so appreciate the advice you have both given me. Yes, my heart hurts because my mind tells me the son I love is treating me disrespectfully and could get physically abusive with me if I don't do something soon.

My mother bought this land when she was dying of parkinsons disease and asked me to keep her out of a nursing home. I told her I would and we needed a piece of land where I could raise our own food as she had only enough to buy the land (all forestry) and I was caught in the job-less market.

I was able to get her on the land because a stranger gave me an old trailer house and the job I had, though it folded quickly, gave me enough to get a well dug, the trailer moved onto the land and the disposal system dug. Everything on this land now is created out of materials I paid for and did 85% of the work to create. This makes moving off this land and giving it to a disrespectful son makes no sense and is not something I want to do. My mother had divided up the land into 3rds as my son had helped us get the trailer on the place, though I was the one who paid for everything and even paid someone to help when I couldn't.

My son told me he would sell me his 1/3rd but he knew I couldn't afford to do so. The land is appraised at 18k and his third would be 6k; but he already told me I owed him 24k just for the feed he had bought for the goats ALL THESE YEARS. (Of course, he never counted the fact that he drank their milk and ate the goat meat all these years.) So I doubt he would be reasonable in the amount he would accept. This leaves me in a bind as all I have saved is a couple of thousand, which at this time he is trying to force me to spend to cover bills he doesn't want to cover. (My SS check is only 1k; so it is quite difficult paying all the expenses, though I could do it if I have to.) I really feel stuck; but am going to talk with an attorney next week to see if there is any legal footing I might have to resolve this situation. The only priority I have is that my son come out of the resolution with enough money to start up somewhere else...if this is at all possible.
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This sounds like a messy situation since he owns 1/3 the property. It sounds like you need to get away from him. I can't think of an easy way that doesn't put you in danger of retaliation. I wondered if you could afford to move to a senior community and let him have your property and all the responsibility of it. I know that is a terrible solution, but you need to get away from him. If you chose to do this, you could have a talk with him that you wanted to be around other people your age, and would he like to have the property or should you sell it to someone. I hope that someone else will have a better solution, because I know you don't want to lose your home to a son who is acting out.
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I'm sorry, but you don't need this "at your age" from a supposedly grown man. I realize he is your son, and as such we love our kids regardless of how they sometimes treat us, but even you realize he's not being fair, nor respectful or loving toward you. It is always easy to give the right advice, but often very hard to put that advice into a plan of action.
If he is bringing drugs into the house, he is breaking the law.
You are NOT responsible for him financially. You have no obligation (even morally) to "take care of him" financially. If anything, you would think the moral obligation would be HIS to take care of you as you are the elder and the mother. It sounds like he is abusive as well. Breaking someone else's possessions and throwing a tantrum is at best a man who isn't a good communicator and lacks the skills to speak maturely; and at worst, he is abusive. I believe (depending on where you want to go with this) you could legally get him thrown out for his behavior. The drugs alone would be enough, but to live in constant fear of the threat of angering him would be totally unfair for you to continue on like this.
It sounds like you have pretty much been there for him his whole life, and it's a shame when "children" don't appreciate how much their parents have done for them and act like spoiled angry brats.
You are depressed because of his behavior.
You are right to carry your purse and hide the jewelry because it sounds like he has a drug problem.
You are going to have to put the hammer down and tell him he has to get out if this continues, and I would personally have the law there standing next to me when I said it.
It is a very difficult situation and I empathize with you. Hugs.
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