My dad recently died and my mom has dementia. My sister is not her guardian yet. I live out of state and would like to see mom moved to a memory care facilty in the near future. My sister's daughter stays with my mom but is not a professional caregiver. Just because my sis and I don't get along doesn't mean she shouldn't tell me what's happening with her. She recently blocked my number from mom's house. I threatend to call elder protective services if she didn't unblock it, and of course she did. She told mom that I wanted my inheritance and that's why I'm upset. Absolute lies, all of dad's money is for my mom to have the best care possible and live worry free the rest of her life. My folks and I have always been the closest out of all my siblings. I have 2 half brothers and 2 half sisters. When my dad died 2 months ago everything changed the siblings got real bitter, and me and mama are suffering because of it. What can I do? What are my legal rights?

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Iam the only child between mom and dad, the other 4 are my half siblings. Mom is suffering because talking to me and my 7 year old has the highlight of her day since Miki could hold a phone. I'm not being selfish in asking what can I do,i just want to know if I have any rights when there in confrontation with the poa. I of course have the majority of stuff because it was just me mom and dad. I don't need money or stuff I just want to help my mom smile and hearing our voices always does that. The poa my sister is jealous and bitter mom is suffering emotionally being kept from us. I'm the happy daughter my sister has always been the awnry one. Growing up I would make a joke and say, be careful mom and dad cause when your old I'll leave with dana. They would oh gawd don't do that....and we'd have a giggle. Due to my husbands job I had to move 3 states away. And I just feel horrible. I want to be in the loop, Dad would be appalled by my sisters behavior.
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If I were your sister I would say, call me, these are my works hours, so anytime outside of those would be fine. I am boots on the ground with mom, so expecting me to call you is not realistic. Also, a little gratitude for what we're dealing with day in and day out would be nice. Stop with the niece, no she's not a professional caregiver as in licensed but she loves grandma and is willing to take care of her. Why do you want to put mom in a home? She is doing fine at home. You don't
deal with this everyday so why do you worry about putting her away? A little less criticism would make me more willing to communicate with you. That's what I would say, if you were my sister.
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Instead of putting the ball in your sister's court by keeping you informed, can you just call her and ask about your mom? Or even email if you and your sister don't talk?

Is it your sister's responsibility to keep you informed or your responsibility to inquire?
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So your dad was not this sister's dad? Your mother is the parent you have in common?

Was your father your mother's primary caregiver?

To me, it's not the best sign when a poster is asking what his/her rights are rather than concentrating on the rights and welfare of the elder. It's your mother's rights that need to be protected. So far, you're doing fine there: the silliness over blocking your number and stopping you calling her you successfully nipped in the bud.

You say that you and your mother are suffering as a result of the bitterness that emerged on your father's death. What happened? Did his will have unpleasant surprises in it for your siblings, such as making you rather than only your mother a major beneficiary of his estate, anything like that?

Your mother is suffering, how?

You are suffering, how?

The thing is. You're not there. Your sister has made arrangements for your mother to be cared for in her home by your niece. The niece may not be a trained professional, and we would tend to question the sustainability of this as a long-term plan because it's not great for your niece's wellbeing either, but for continuity of care and giving your mother a chance to adjust to losing your father it probably is the best interim answer.

So. You're already looking ahead, and your idea is that your mother is removed from her home and placed in memory care. You would then sell the family home, use the money to fund your mother's care...

... would it also, in an unrelated way, allow you to realise a bequest?

If the mother is actually your stepmother, though... You can see how this would look, can't you?

Which way round is it?

There are bridges to be re-built, and I hope we'll be able to help you find one you don't hate the idea of. So I'm sorry for all the questions but it does make a difference.
Helpful Answer (3)

Is your sister mom's POA? Is she going to court for guardianship?
Is niece being paid to caregiver?
Is a doctor overseeing mom's care?

In order to be able to get information from your mom's doctors, mom needs to fill out a HIPAA form. You submit it to each doctor. I would start there, and find out about mom's mental state, what stage of dementia she is in and what meds are being prescribed.
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