My 78 year old mother has been talking to a scammer for a couple of months. (This is fifth or sixth, only one took money from her about $1100) I found some junk online to tell her it was a scam and told her. I thought that would be enough. My brother and I live with her and take care of her. She was diagnosed with diabetes last year and has stopped taking her meds and began her old, very unhealthy eating habits. She is very weak and has needed help getting out of the tub, or standing on occassion. She has told the family many times that she cannot drive anymore, so my brother drives her anywhere she wants to go. Since Christmas, she has left the house three times for doctor appointments and that is it. A couple of weeks ago she made my brother drive her 9 hours to meet the guy so they could get married (18 hours round trip). Of course, once they got there he messaged her some bs as to why he couldn't meet her (he needed money). Again I thought that might be it. I did some deep research and found all the evidence you could possibly need to prove it's 100% a scam. About a week and a half ago I sat down to show it to her. She told me to shut up and pushed me out of her room, slamming her door in my face. Friday she grabbed her keys and left the house. She hasn't driven in almost a year and has repeatedly told us she can't drive anymore. We were scared to death. She told my brother just before she left that she wanted to get to the courthouse before it closed. We found a note beside her bed That said 'marriage license $120'. So, we put two and two together. We also noticed she left her phone, driver's license, and money at home. Saturday afternoon she took the van and said she was headed to the airport. We figured she was going to pick up the fake dude who, of course, wouldn't be there. She got home and we left her alone. Well, at 3:00 this morning she comes out of her room all dressed again, with her purse and goes to grab the keys, which my brother had. I was asleep but woke up to yelling. I came out and mom is yelling at him to shut up. He tells me she is headed to the airport even though no flights come in that early. She says "I know there are no flights. I'm just going to set something up..." I tell her that the airport won't even be open. She never could tell me why she felt the need to go at 3 in the morning. She was sitting on her ottoman and I knelt in front of her and started telling her all of the evidence that this guy isn't real. She started yelling for me to shut up, and kept trying to get up from the stool. Her knees are so weak she couldn't do it without help, but I finally had her where she would have to hear what I had to say. She started punching, slapping, kicking, and scratching me. She has the strength of a newborn fawn, so it hurt my feelings rather than my body. She said "you let me up now or I'm going to break your arm." I told her no, so she started trying to break my arm. All while smiling at me and she said "See!" She grabbed one of her brick coasters and I grabbed her arm to get it from her and took the coaster. SheI told her if she wanted to act like a belligerent teenager I was going to treat her like one. I told her she's grounded and took her phone. She had been yelling about how much she doesn't love me, hates me, wishes I'd never been born, wishes she'd had an abortion and told me I can't live there anymore. I just reminded her that she was choosing a man she's never even met over her own family. She locked herself in her bedroom. Later, she opened the backdoor and said "I'm getting away from you two and I'm going to call the police to make you leave." She was outside and trying to shut the door so I couldn't go outside. I was holding the door handle so she started slapping me on the face with her free arm. I winced once because she backhanded me with the hand that was wearing a huge rock and she did that evil smile again. My brother and I have been on watch all day. What can we do?
It sounds like you all live together. And you have lost ability to control her actions.
Please keep her from driving anywhere! Hide the keys, disable the car, take action so she can not do this. It is unsafe for her, and anyone she might hurt.
If you want to protect her finances, because she is unable to reasonably manage her own finances, then you will have to ask her to give you control, or you will have to go to court to get guardianship.
This is an unhealthy situation for everyone. Please look into finding a care home for your mother. Take a look at memory care, if she can afford it. A good memory care facility takes measures to keep residents safe.
If your mother needs two caregivers living with her (you and your brother) she clearly cannot care for herself. She cannot have unrestricted access to her money or the internet. If the two of you have to call APS for help and get conservatorship/guardianship over her in court, do it.
Is your mother left unsupervised when you and your brother are at work? If so, she needs to have help coming in to stay with her. If neither of you work, then you can have that covered. She cannot have unrestricted access to money and the internet. Contact APS or your state's Department of Social Services. They will help you. If she gets violent with either of you or makes threats call the police and an ambulance and have her taken to the hospital. Don't take chances. She needs to see a doctor and there has to be a dementia diagnosis. Then go from there.
.
Have mom transported to ER.
When she is in a cubicle after your telling them that your mother has been physically attacking you and others in household and you believe she may be having a stroke or severe UTI, LEAVE THE PREMISES.
Now answer the phone only to medical and tell them that you need a social worker at once.
Tell Social worker all you told us.
Request a full psyc and neuro workup.
If there is dementia here, get temporary guardianship. Sometimes this can be done with a simple call social worker to judge. Keep funds away from mother and handle all finances. Know that she will at that point need permanent monitors.
OR
Watch some of the Netflix and Prime current series and movies about scammers. There are many. I think on Prime there is even one that is a series by women taken by scammers, and the woman who tracks them down STARTED by being scammed. Go to the AARP site and look, with Mom, about scammers.
OR
Simply walk away. Tell your mother that her fantasies will ruin her financially and that you won't take part in any of it, nor in helping her when all of her money is gone.
Truly, there is nothing else to be done. If mom is competent, the many ways in which she can flush her own money down the toilet, scams or gambling or donating it, are endless. And there's nothing you can do about it.
I agree with the suggestions below about calling 911 if she gets violent or out of control, so that she can hopefully be diagnosed. Get appointments with her doctor(s), including a neurologist or geriatric psychiatrist for diagnosis and for medications to calm her down. It's as terrible for her to live with the agitated mindset as it is for you to experience the effects of it, so take care of that for everyone's benefit.
I'm sorry this has happened, especially so unexpectedly.
Don't count on her not being strong enough to do physical damage. The demented can be amazingly strong. I've experienced that and it's scary. Also, you have no idea if she has a weapon she can use, such as a knife or a stick to poke out your eye. They can be crafty.
I'm so sorry this is happening, but with you and brother to work together, you can perhaps stay safe and get mom the help she needs. I hope it's over soon for all of you. Please report back to let us know what happens!
I should add that I knew a guy who believed a phone scammer and went downtown to meet the scammer at his bank. He was going to withdraw thousands of dollars to give to the crook! I called the police and they met my friend at his bank. By that time I'd alerted the bank, and the officers and police convinced friend that he was about to be robbed. So if mom goes off on that tangent (which she won't because you're going to get help for her before she gets another chance), you can call the police and the bank. It's not unusual for them to step in and stop a crime.