My uncle has cut my 90 year old grandmother off from our whole family. We all believe he has done this to gain all control of her money. He has no money hasn't had a job in forever but he is the one who has taken care of her for the past five years. He lives the closest and took it upon himself to care for her which we all appreciated, until slowly she cut us off because of lies he's telling her. He has made it to where she hates us all cause he tells her we will put her away and he's the only one who will take care of her. I found out in December that he had taken her phone and TV out. I called him and told him I wanted to see her he said no so I said we will see about that. So from that day on he has now moved in with her. I wrote on her a few months ago and got a couple responses and I did as suggested. I called APS, and they said I had a case worth checking out but that was the end of it. Apparently even if you report it the findings are confidential. I didn't have enough information for them to really do anything. Since I don't know her financial situation or her medical history they said it would be hard for them to do much but they would check into it. Never heard back. So I then hired a lawyer who told me that same thing. But I hired them anyway to send a letter asking my uncle to please allow our family to talk to her and see her.

None of us want her money but him. So he got a lawyer and told him all these lies that I am the only threat to her and that he has power of attorney and we still have to get his permission to talk or see her. I was the closest to my grandmother my whole childhood she was my second mom. I ran into some trouble and was out of the picture for sometime and then moved to another city. But I still visited but by then he was already taking some control of her. I have a great life a new child who she has never got the chance to get to know. I don't have a ton of money I work everyday have a home that's paid for a new car but he has all her money to fight this fight with and I don't know what to do. I can't give up on her and let her live out her final days without any of her loved ones with her but I don't have the 10,000 to put up for a lawyer who has already told me I don't have a good chance of getting gaurdingship due to the fact I'm her granddaughter and he's her son. So it makes no sense how someone can get away with deceiving someone and depriving them just so they can get all their money. It's crazy to me and I'm so frustrated and just need help or some advise please

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Oh Jan, I'm sorry.

Fourteen siblings in your grandmother's generation, four in your mother's, then, what, you and at least one cousin, your son - it's a big old family, eh. And with rather a lot of history to it. Rather a lot of old wounds and grudges, and suspicions about one another's motives on top.

But what you want is to see your grandmother, and for your grandmother to see her family members, depending on her ability to cope with visits. You'd need to start with an assessment of her mental and emotional health that everyone is happy to accept. Don't know how you'd get that done, in the circumstances. Of course, we don't even know if it already has been done and your uncle is following guidelines. It's possible.

Is there any such thing as a family mediation service in your area, do you know?
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Jan124 May 2019
Well I don't live in the same city as she does we are all kinda spread out and I myself as well as my grandmother live in small towns. And you mentioned guidelines who's guidelines?
Thank you for your input. I am trying to look at this from all points. And you are correct I have no idea what shape my grandmother is in other then from what I have heard from her neighbor who I keep in contact with and from what my son told me from his visit back in December. My sons visit is what made me look into the whole situation harder. It got me thinking she might not be making all these decisions to cut her family off on her own, which isn't at all like her. My son and his father went up to visit my grandmother and said she was so excited to see them. My uncle dictated how and what was talked about through the whole visit. My uncle also stated that since my other two uncles have no children and that they stole his land from him that he should get all my grandmothers stuff left to him for his children. In the original will my grandmother was leaving her second home to my mom. My sons dad asked if that was still the case. My uncles response was o no all that's changed my daughter will be living in that house. My son said anytime my name got brought up my uncle would abruptly end the conversation and start a new one. I grew up with her when all her kids were to busy. I was left there with her aft we r my grandfather died to take care of her. We were so close my whole family knows I was her baby. I pose the biggest threat to him if he truly is manipulating her and he knows it. I have two other uncles plus my mother all behind me. They believe the the same as I do. My grandmother comes from a family of 14 and my uncle wont even let her talk to her siblings. Her little brother passed away last month and no one could get ahold if her and once they got ahold of him he said he would possible tell her. I can understand him wanting to protect her but we all believe it's more then that. Any time my uncles have tried to make contact he has put restraining orders on them. And my mother and grandmother have never really got along. He knows none of us would hurt her he just doesn't want anyone to talk to her and question all the lies he's telling her. And as far as aps I've researched it as well as talk with lawyers who said good luck with aps doing anything. They only deal with extreme cases or cases that are easy to prove. Yes my grandmother is being taken care of . So does that make it ok to manipulate her and keep her away from her family. Financial exploitation is difficult to prove so therefore am I just suppose to let it happen. If our family is right about his intentions my uncle will not allow any of us near her. He will bleed her dry to keep what's left and to make sure it's all his. He has one daughter who talks to him and is convinced we all are the bad guys. I'm just hesrt5broken and don't know what to do
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What do you want to achieve?

Your put in a report to APS which accused your uncle of financial and emotional abuse. You told them that he was isolating your grandmother, alienating her from her other family members, cutting off her means of communication, and after her money.

If APS investigated this and found the allegations to be substantially true, they would have removed your grandmother from your uncle's care and placed her in a facility, then proceeded to prosecute him. Is that what you wanted to happen?

You heard nothing further, but you had your report formally acknowledged by APS. You can assume that there was an investigation which found that your grandmother was safe and well and being appropriately looked after according to her needs. APS is not responsible to you, though; they are responsible to the government and the legal system, and they have no duty to share their findings with you. The information in their report would be treated as confidential.

If the idea were to prevent your grandmother from communicating with outsiders, your uncle's removing her phone would make sense; but removing her tv would not. What would make perfect sense of both, though, would be that your uncle removed her phone and her tv because your grandmother has dementia and becomes agitated and upset by what she sees on tv and then rings round the family or constantly calls 911. Are you sure that what happened wasn't more something like that?

What does the rest of the family think of the situation? Is anyone on speaking terms with your uncle?

Where you are right now is that if you want to see or speak to your grandmother you will need your uncle's permission. Why not concentrate on getting his permission? A good first step might be to look back over the history from your uncle's point of view and think how you might feel if you had spent five years caring for your mother and got nothing in return from your family except suspicion and appalling allegations.

If your uncle is your grandmother's sole caregiver, and if she does have dementia, the situation is not ideal or even secure for either of them. What if it kills him? Where will that leave her? But if you want to support your grandmother and you want to do anything constructive to help her, first you will have to put things right with him.
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