My mother does not want me to clean her off, but I see where she does not do it herself because she smells. I do not think she can smell herself. Her home is a mess and she does not want me to touch anything. What are suggestions you can provide?
Deb2020, there is not enough information to give a real helpful answer. What is your mothers diagnosis? Does she have dementia? Other medical issues? How old is she? Is she mobile? At some point you need to take "control" and help her out. I am sure you resisted help in the bathroom when you were young but she was there anyway. You can try attaching a Bidet unit to the toilet that she uses. But that is IF she is going to understand how to use it and will use it. If she would allow you to help her you could "control" the operation of the bidet. Also at some point if she has problems managing on her own you will have to take control of that. Either she moves to a facility where her needs will be met (Assisted Living or Memory Care) or she moved in with you or you move in with her. If she does have cognitive issues they will not improve and will worsen so this is a situation that will become more dire as time goes on. Unfortunately often things have to reach a point when some catastrophic event removes choices from you/her and forces you to make a choice and often at that time options are more limited.
If your mother is deemed competent, there is nothing you can do. My mother is 95 1/2 and lives in a hoarder medd and won’t shower or bathe. My therapist tells me to leave her be. I called APS and they can’t do anything either. You also can’t make someone go to a nursing home or assisted living if they are competent, I tried. I tried everything. My therapist told me to let it go and just have enjoyable times with her. She not going to be here forever. She told me to enjoy the moments I have with her and not worry about her bathing or that hoarded mess of hers. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can make her do anything.
What is her reasoning? Some people have valid fears which you might be able to alleviate ( like if she said its too cold, or she cant stand up in the shower, she's embarrassed, her teeth hurt, ect...). other people have irrational reasons. Those people you will not likely change.....
What is your mothers diagnosis?
Does she have dementia? Other medical issues? How old is she? Is she mobile?
At some point you need to take "control" and help her out. I am sure you resisted help in the bathroom when you were young but she was there anyway.
You can try attaching a Bidet unit to the toilet that she uses. But that is IF she is going to understand how to use it and will use it. If she would allow you to help her you could "control" the operation of the bidet.
Also at some point if she has problems managing on her own you will have to take control of that. Either she moves to a facility where her needs will be met (Assisted Living or Memory Care) or she moved in with you or you move in with her.
If she does have cognitive issues they will not improve and will worsen so this is a situation that will become more dire as time goes on. Unfortunately often things have to reach a point when some catastrophic event removes choices from you/her and forces you to make a choice and often at that time options are more limited.
other people have irrational reasons. Those people you will not likely change.....