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Dad has dementia and goes weeks without bathing. I tell him he needs to take a bath before we go to church but that doesn't work anymore. If I give him an ultimatum, he'll become anger and nasty and I can't handle it. What can I do to get him to bathe at least once a week? It's gross and he smells!!!

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Better Business Bureau and State/county licensing agencies. Good Luck!
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Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. Yes, my Mom and Dad do live in their own place, a few miles down the road. My Mom cannot suggest anything to him or he gets very angry that someone is telling him what to do. And yes, not only do I not want him to smell so bad, but I worry about infection. That's my main reason; that this is now a health concern. Neither one of them can smell very good, so Mom doesn't smell him and he can't smell himself either. Yikes! I think it's time to hire a private duty nurse to come in once and week and just "be there" while he bathes. Anyone know what I should look for/check out when hiring a service or an individual? Thanks again. -SS
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He might feel cold. Especially early in the morning. The elderly easily get chilled and feel cold. Many worry about heating bills, and keep heat off at night or during the day. ( I used to get screamed at when I used to have to change bedpads in a retirement home at night.) I have the same with my mom. She wants to stay in her three layers. But if it was all real warm, I think that we might have a chance at the miracle of a bath time!
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I assume that your mom and dad live together. Do they both live with you? If not, then I guess it's more of a problem for your mom to deal with. Of course, the poor hygiene problem can cause him to get skin infections, etc.. If your parents live together, but alone in ;their own home, then I would suggest sitting her down privately and reiterating the health risks of your dad not cleansing dirt off of his body. Good luck.
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My Grandmother (93) tried to get out of bathing. I told her that I would be held responsible if emergency services came out and I had allowed her to go without bathing. She said that they would only know if I told them. When I told her that I could be held responsible for neglect and that I would call them and honestly explain to them that she won't listen to me, she started being more agreeable. :) She was afraid of what they would do if I called Social Services. Hope that helps.
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Have you noticed, that with Dementia, things wax and wain? Meaning,no body died from not taking a bath. Your mothers safety and well being, is of primary concern here. Keep us posted.
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Thanks naheaton - I've tried that. He's really not motivated to come out any more, so he'sd say fine. That comes and goes. Regardless, he still needs to bathe whether he goes out or not. I think I'm going to insist on a visiting nurse once a week or tell him he has to live in an assisted living facility, which he WILL NOT want. The probelm is, I will invoke this monster inside of him when he is told what to do. And it makes it very hard on all of us. Thanks again.
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Your mom is probably lying for him cause that way she thinks she won't have to hear you harp about it. Now I get the whole stinky smelly thing, but maybe it's time to take a different approach. You tell him that you're not taking him to church or anywhere public anymore because of his B.O. Other people are starting to avoid being around him, and you don't want to embarrass him because you love him so much. Don't get mad or in his face, just make it a fact. Go ahead and take mom places (if she'll go) and leave him behind. Time to put your 'money where your mouth is' so to speak. Nothing else is working right?
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