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My mother in law has a very difficult mother. She is a 88 year old women who gets worked up about everything. She does not trust anyone not even her own daughter anymore. She thinks that a group of women that visited her late husband comes in her house and steals her things. She looses those things and blame them when it clearly is she can't remember where she put it or has way too much of it. Clothes for example. She even thinks they could have killed her husband. She is very demanding and ungrateful. I know that a lot of it has to do with aging but where do you draw the line? My mother in law is absolutely clueless on what to do but continues run ragged for her mom. I definitely admire her for that but feels like something needs to be done. My mother in law's mom don't think anything is wrong so meds are not an option. Plus she probably wouldn't trust anyone with something like that. My mother in law asked if I could go once week so she could get a break to help. I am more than willing. I just don't know completely how to help.

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I agree. she does have some issues but when my mil states that she needs help, she disagrees and get very angry and defensive. I guess does anyone have any advice to help with someone who clearly has issues but don't see they do and fight you tooth and nail with it?
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Khrisnote Mil's mother is getting old but it sounds as though she has some issues that could be helped with medications which would give her some peace and everyone else some respite. I would try and find a good geriatric MD and consider their advice.
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Thank you Veronica. So what she is going through is just getting old? She doesn't have a mental disorder that needs meds? That is where we struggle with as a family. My mil really thinks she needs meds and fights her on it. But thank you for giving me a different perspective. It is so hard to see my mil constantly fretting over this.
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Krisnote sadly this is not going to change. as the unhelpful saying goes "it is what it is". The best thing you can do for your MIL is to give her regular breaks that she can count on. If you are not working work out a schedule that gives her a decent length of time off and if you do have job maybe you can be there some evenings or at the week end. Try not to get drawn into the nastiness because this will be very destructive for your family. try and treat it as a job that you do and leave your emotions at home. Not easy I know but it is not going to change at this point and she will only become worse with time. Make sure MIL is taking care of herself. many caregivers fall into the trap of neglecting their own welbeing. not because they want to but because they are too tired to care.
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Thanks for responding. She was like this before he died. They actually argued and yelled at each other where they even separated for a 8 months. She blamed him for the "whores" the name for the group of ladies who was stealing things. It was such a sad situation.
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When my mother-in-law first moved into assisted living after her husband died, it became clear to the family that her memory was going downhill fast. She was absolutely convinced the workers there were stealing all her stuff, to the place that she started hiding things so they wouldn't find them. She'd hide even her bananas, cause she just knew someone was taking them. Truth was, she was putting them places and not remembering. So every time I went to see her it would be like a treasure hunt. I'd spend the first 15 minutes looking through her dresser drawers, closet , bathroom & kitchen drawers for the things she said were missing. We did that for probably a year, then her memory got worse and she couldn't remember having stuff anymore so it didn't matter. ha
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