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Sister is POA for financial for my mother and we need brother-in-law to step away and not be involved. How can I get this across to her as she is very upset and defensive about the subject. There is also myself and another sister involved in the caregiving of my mother. I have POA for my mother's medical needs.

I am going to speak from the sister and BIL's perspective. Doing a person's finances can be very difficult and they do not have to discuss the finances with you since you are not listed. Your said they are spending money not necessary but also want to save for care. How do you know what is necessary?

Secondly, caregiving is hard work. Alot of people on this site do not have the means to pay a child to care for them and people do it for free. I think it is admirable that they are paying not themselves but your sister to care for your mom. There is absolutely nothing wrong with paying a caregiver and giving them a raise. Caregiving is a difficult job and most people are unappreciated. So, what are the red flags about giving a raise? My only caution is to get a caregiver agreement in place.

I was on the opposite side of where you are and unfounded suspicions destroyed a family. So, is pressing the issue worth it?
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Reply to tacy022
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If Mom is not satisfied with the way the financial POA is being handled now, she can assign someone else. If she is happy, I don't know there is a lot you can do.

It is the health care POA who has the authority to decide where Mom lives, BTW.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Who is primary on the HCPOA? In most states, that is the person driving the bus.

If mom is competent, she can make her own decisions. Including excluding BIL from having an influence. Has anyone consulted an eldercare attorney?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Well, they like to spend $$s that are not necessary, they don't consult me which I am 2nd person on the HCPOA, they've (and he is not listed on the HCPOA) made suggestions that they want to save money rather than putting my mother in a facility where she would be well taken care and implied that their inheritance would be less.  It's not his mother, it's not his money and there are 3 of us sisters I feel should be making the decision rather than my sister' husband.  My sister even said that he can talk my mom into anything and laughed rather than her.  We are even paying my other sister to care for my mother to "save money" and she just texted me saying they want to raise what she is currently getting.  She has no medical background, keeps a dirty house....  What is reasonable?  There is just so much that has red flags to me.

Just thought of what my mother had said that she didn't want him involved but she does have some memory loss so one day she might say that and another day, maybe not.
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Reply to Sharbear940
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If mother split the POA, perhaps she was expecting BIL to be in there with your sister because he has particular experience? What is the problem? Do you think the advice is wrong financially? Do you think he is being self-interested in the advice, or taking advantage of it in some way? Or is he just a know-it-all pain in the neck? You need to give us more information about the real problem.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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What in particular is upsetting you?  Your financial POA sister may be perfectly happy to work with her husband.
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Reply to rovana
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