If he is not mentally competent, you can make "fake checks" for him and he can write as many as he wants to this woman. :-) I would also go to her and tell her the checks she receives in the future will be fake checks and tell her that if she goes to your father to plead for money aside from these fake checks that you will report her for elder abuse because she's charming money out of him when he can't even pay his own bills.
You have to keep a a very close eye on this. Could be a sugar baby or scammers from US or Nigeria. Scammers know people are lonely and take advantage. My great grandmother was in her late 70s. A creepy guy in his 50s started coming around. Never wanted to know the family, just her. He wanting odd jobs at first. After awhile acted like he owned her home. He walked into the room and changed the tv channel and walked out. Did that 2x. We were 6yr old kids just watching tv. We went to my grandma and she wouldnt say anything to him. He was testing her to see whose side she would take. He was trying to get her to sell her home and live on a boat with him. His dream not hers. Mom was convinced he would take her money and leave her homeless in Florida. Sev states away. My great grandma was seriously considering this! She asked how I felt and I said someone who loves you wouldnt make you choose him or your family. They would want to be part of your life. Luckily she didnt leave. I was 6 and had more sense. I believe he would have abandoned her the 2nd he went thru her money. Are you POA? Can you get his check book, credit cards? Get control if situation? Get alerts on everything and check daily. Tell him everything is automatically paid. Only gets a few dollars spending money. Is he calling/texting, or is this online or in person? There are so many that take advantage of the elderly. My dad had scammers calling him from Jamaica wanting him to send money. He was trying to. Had to take his credit cards away. It got ugly. It never stops. You cant come on too forcefully. They just dig in and make it worse. Convinced you dont want him to be happy. So I'd ask questions, but get ahold of his credit cards at least. You have to be a detective and find out if he's sending checks too. Or online banking you can check daily. He might give out his banking info. Let us know! This can be a nightmare. Keep us posted. Good luck. Oh I feel for you! Lock everything down.
Nonniev, I agree with what Tothill had written... time for you to use the Power of Attorney as your Dad is mismanaging his money. You need to be in charge of his checkbook and his bills. Hope he doesn't put up a fight. Any money left over, give Dad an allowance and the rest go into savings.
Just curious, why is Dad sending this women money? How did he meet her? Is she charming money out of him? Or does he owe her money?
I would also worry about later down the road when Dad needs more care, and he will, that's a given. Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] will see that Dad could been gifting money to this woman, and that will cause Dad to be self-pay for a short time if he moves into a nursing home.
Unfortunately, the "gifting" thing with Medicaid may be too complex for Dad to understand. And like most elders, they don't think that far ahead when it is time to leave their home and go to senior living, if there isn't anyone able to care for them. A senior caring for a much older senior can be extremely exhausting.
I would see if this woman is cat phishing your dad. If so, block her ability to communicate to him and visa versa. If your dad can't tell that he's being scammed, then I would imagine he has cognitive decline and the DPoA needs to act to protect his assets before this woman convinces him to make HER DPoA (which happens more than you can imagine). Cut off your Dad's ability to drain his savings and cut her off asap. But be careful how you handle it with him -- it's kind of like when you were dating an undesirable boy in HS and the more your parents reacted against him the more you wanted to keep seeing him. Well, that's how it went for me, anyway ;-)
-Read your POA. See what you are legally allowed to do. Do it if you have the power. Meanwhile -dont pay his bills for him if he falls short. -ask to meet the “woman” ? Is she a verified real person that he knows and has met? If not, check out Dr Phil’s website. He has covered this topic several times. If your dad could watch one of the programs he might identify with one of the elders on the program who is being taken advantage of. They never say on those programs but I would assume the adult children dIdn’t have a DPOA.
Remember the saying. “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. Had a neighbor who was suspicious of a younger guy her mom met in church. Innocent enough in the beginning but something seemed off. She was in her 80s. This guy maybe 50. Her mother would talk to him on the phone like a teenager. She was clearly smitten. He Kept coming around and calling. Neighbor was able to shake him by making “friends” with him as well. He moved on.
Many years ago I was friends with a woman who was like a mother to me and I a daughter to her. There was a true bond of love that spanned some 30 years before she passed at age 98. I took care of her for 28 years. In the beginning, and no one knew this until she was hospitalized and her niece, who had POA at the time, discovered that she had given $l00,000 to strangers who were visiting her and selling things. I was asked to take over her care and did. I spent the next six months (while working full time) working with her pension, Social Security, banks, medical people, and the list goes on. It turned out the woman came to sell her something and then saw the money and brought her husband and daughter. Over the next few months they completely controlled and took over her life. I went to hell and back when my life was threatened by these people when I got the bank to get the money back into her name only. It took the threat of a class action five million dollar lawsuit against one of the biggest banks in the country at the time to refund the money. I also fought tooth and nail to get money put back into her account when they forged checks. And when I fired a dangerous, sneaky caretaker who was "double dipping" her funds (paid in check and again in cash), I faced a similar threat from her son. I recorded every single detail or everything that went on - I still have all that information today. And there were many more nightmares that had to be corrected. The things I had to straighten out, including IRS problems (which took me three years and only when I got to the highest level in the land in Washington, DC) and all of the multitudes of things that occurred were astronomical in nature and the time and effort it took. But in the end I won every battle, including the church and what they were doing to her. It was among the most challenging jobs I have ever handled but I did it out of love for her, because I was good at figuring out how to make things right, and I enjoyed the good I was doing. Not everyone has the brain or the dedication or the time for doing this. Then you have to involve an elder care attorney and other professionals who are there to take care of the elderly who are trained and able to step in. You cannot allow this to continue. There are many solutions but you have to first figure out what options you have and then implement them. And as to your father, you try to make him see the light and if he does not, do not give him a solitary cent - tell him he is on his own. DO NOT HELP HIM. Let him make his bed and lie in it - that is the only hope you have with someone so stupid. Walk away if nothing helps.
Not sure how u have approached this but Dad needs to pay his bills first. This is what you need to try and get thru to him. If he is not listening to u, maybe he will listen to another family member. Bills first Dad and then u can send ur friend something.
Get all the info you can about this woman. File a report at www.IC3.gov That is the FBI website for internet crimes, especially of this type. You said he is still living independently & you have POA. If that is not a Durable POA that has been activated, then you currently have no power and he can change his POA at any time. This happened with a neighbor 6 weeks before she died. Changed MPOA, Trust, Will.. everything!
If he is bouncing checks ir incurring past due fees, use that to take him to the bank and get everything auromated. Auto pay bills first day after his check hits. Get Gift Cards for grocery shopping, his favorite shops, and drop off cash for misc., Weekly if possible. Contact Elder Legal Aid...Free if he is low income ( under about $28K a year) and have them help make POA Durable and currently in effect if possible. They can also help set up safeguards with the bank. If checks are going out of state, then it is US Felony Mail Fraud! Get legal system as your advocate..and witness. This way if he ever accuses you of stealing his money, you have a strong record of your actions with authorities.
My great grandmother was in her late 70s. A creepy guy in his 50s started coming around. Never wanted to know the family, just her. He wanting odd jobs at first. After awhile acted like he owned her home. He walked into the room and changed the tv channel and walked out. Did that 2x. We were 6yr old kids just watching tv. We went to my grandma and she wouldnt say anything to him. He was testing her to see whose side she would take.
He was trying to get her to sell her home and live on a boat with him. His dream not hers. Mom was convinced he would take her money and leave her homeless in Florida. Sev states away. My great grandma was seriously considering this! She asked how I felt and I said someone who loves you wouldnt make you choose him or your family. They would want to be part of your life. Luckily she didnt leave. I was 6 and had more sense. I believe he would have abandoned her the 2nd he went thru her money.
Are you POA? Can you get his check book, credit cards? Get control if situation? Get alerts on everything and check daily. Tell him everything is automatically paid. Only gets a few dollars spending money. Is he calling/texting, or is this online or in person? There are so many that take advantage of the elderly. My dad had scammers calling him from Jamaica wanting him to send money. He was trying to. Had to take his credit cards away. It got ugly. It never stops.
You cant come on too forcefully. They just dig in and make it worse. Convinced you dont want him to be happy. So I'd ask questions, but get ahold of his credit cards at least. You have to be a detective and find out if he's sending checks too. Or online banking you can check daily. He might give out his banking info. Let us know! This can be a nightmare. Keep us posted. Good luck. Oh I feel for you! Lock everything down.
Just curious, why is Dad sending this women money? How did he meet her? Is she charming money out of him? Or does he owe her money?
I would also worry about later down the road when Dad needs more care, and he will, that's a given. Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] will see that Dad could been gifting money to this woman, and that will cause Dad to be self-pay for a short time if he moves into a nursing home.
Unfortunately, the "gifting" thing with Medicaid may be too complex for Dad to understand. And like most elders, they don't think that far ahead when it is time to leave their home and go to senior living, if there isn't anyone able to care for them. A senior caring for a much older senior can be extremely exhausting.
HOW is he communicating with this woman? Is there a way for you to block their communications?
-dont pay his bills for him if he falls short.
-ask to meet the “woman” ? Is she a verified real person that he knows and has met?
If not, check out Dr Phil’s website. He has covered this topic several times. If your dad could watch one of the programs he might identify with one of the elders on the program who is being taken advantage of. They never say on those programs but I would assume the adult children dIdn’t have a DPOA.
Remember the saying.
“keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. Had a neighbor who was suspicious of a younger guy her mom met in church. Innocent enough in the beginning but something seemed off. She was in her 80s. This guy maybe 50.
Her mother would talk to him on the phone like a teenager. She was clearly smitten. He
Kept coming around and calling. Neighbor was able to shake him by making “friends” with him as well. He moved on.
Come back and let us know what you find out.
Not sure how u have approached this but Dad needs to pay his bills first. This is what you need to try and get thru to him. If he is not listening to u, maybe he will listen to another family member. Bills first Dad and then u can send ur friend something.
That is the FBI website for internet crimes, especially of this type.
You said he is still living independently & you have POA. If that is not a Durable POA that has been activated, then you currently have no power and he can change his POA at any time. This happened with a neighbor 6 weeks before she died. Changed MPOA, Trust, Will.. everything!
If he is bouncing checks ir incurring past due fees, use that to take him to the bank and get everything auromated. Auto pay bills first day after his check hits. Get Gift Cards for grocery shopping, his favorite shops, and drop off cash for misc., Weekly if possible.
Contact Elder Legal Aid...Free if he is low income ( under about $28K a year) and have them help make POA Durable and currently in effect if possible. They can also help set up safeguards with the bank.
If checks are going out of state, then it is US Felony Mail Fraud! Get legal system as your advocate..and witness. This way if he ever accuses you of stealing his money, you have a strong record of your actions with authorities.
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