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Both of my parents are retired. My dad is active and wants to travel, keep busy, enjoy his retirement. My mom won't do anything, mainly because she doesn't like to walk. She is so out of shape that she can't take a few steps before she wants to sit down and rest. She sits at a kitchen table all day and won't do anything. She won't clean, cook, do any type of work around the house. The only thing she will do is get in the car and go to the casino where she sits at the closest slot machine to the door and won't move until it's time to go. She's stopped visiting relatives and family. She is overweight. Her previous complaint was her knee bothered her. She had both knees replaced and said they feel so much better, but still won't walk or be active. My dad is growing frustrated and doesn't know what to do. I've suggested maybe getting a personal trainer to get her active or a physical therapist. Any advice?

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Sorry about this. I agree it sounds like depression. However getting her to admit it is another thing. It's difficult to watch someone be miserable or make very unhealthy choices but you can only control your own responses to them. My sister is very similar. She is huge and refuses to exercise. It would help her depression if nothing else. But you can not force others to do what you know is best for them.
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If she's only interested in gambling, she may have an addiction issue. There is help for it. I'd try to get her primary on board and get her a full medical and mental evaluation. They should be able to evaluate her for depression, addiction, cognitive decline, etc. and to recommend any meds or treatment she might need.

I'd question how does she react is she's not able to go to the casino. That might offer a clue as to how much of a problem that is.
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I agree that this sounds like depression; please get her to a psychiatrist for evaluation as soon as you can.

Is there any cultural component to this? I have known older ladies of certain ethnic/cultural groups who insist that the party come to them even though they are perfectly capable of going elsewhere.

I had a colleague years ago who grew up on a very small island. On this island, the tradition was, when a new baby was born, the mother walked with the baby to the new grandmother's home. Nice tradition.

Well, this lady moved to the US and her children were scattered across the country. When her grandchild was born in Ohio, she was incensed that her daughter in law was not immediately getting on a plane to come visit NYC the week after the birth.

Sometimes you have to shift people's expectations.
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Is this new behavior? If so, I agree with geewiz that this might be depression. But, if this is who she has always been then you just have to find ways to work around it or get over it. I agree with the advice to have Dad do what he wants even if it is without her but I sympathize with him because most activities are more fun as a couple.

Don't feed into her narcissism to the point where everyone is catering to her at their own expense. Have family gatherings where YOU all want to and let her figure out that she has to get up and go to them or miss out altogether.
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shes not cutting herself off, she makes everyone come to her. Holidays have to be at their place. If anyone wants to see her they have to come to their place. They don't have to do everything together but they are not doing anything together. Also, she doesn't eat much, she doesn't move so that is why she's overweight.
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Have you considered she may be depressed? Eating, cutting your self off from friends etc are possible signs of depression. If that is the case, some meds and counseling may help lift the fog. That is, if you can get her to a doctor and counselor. 65 is way too young to check out of living and this leaves your dad alone and without his partner. It would be a kindness to him to invite him places and encourage him to come even if your mom isn't interested. Contrary to popular behavior, couples don't have to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER!
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Sorry forgot to mention. My mom is 65.
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