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My great uncle served in the Vietnam war and then got married to his wife of 50+years. When I went to visit him last his wife was all out of sorts suffering from major dementia. I do not know if she has been diagnosed but she doesn't remember my uncle on bad days. He is considering assisted living but has two concerns, first the money and second his wife can be violent when she is confused and he is worried about staff members getting rough with her. What are the options when it comes to Veterans spouses and assisted living?

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I just had a conversation with my father's VA social worker. The VA does not offer financial assistance with assisted living or nursing homes, even for a disabled veteran like my father. They do have available the benefit "Aid And Attendance" which is a monthly payment to be used toward nursing homes, assisted living or in home caregiving. The amount of benefit is based on income. I can tell you the amount my father receives, along with social security, would not come anywhere close to paying for AL. I would suggest the uncle look into Medicaid instead.
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As baba says he needs to get her to a doc. But if an emergency the ER. There they may have her admitted for a geriatric psychiatric evaluation, usually a minimum of three days, the longest I have heard of is two weeks. There they will work with her and her meds to determine what will work for her. They will also recommend care needed going forward. Assisted living for advanced dementia will not meet her needs from the sounds of it.

The VA has benefits for spouses that is largely dependant on physical and financial need. Maybe she is eligible for Medicaid. Uncle can keep the house and a car. Have uncle call the area Agency on Aging as welp, they are a wealth of information.

Next time she gets aggressive she should be taken to the ER for evaluation and possible geriatric psych evaluation.
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What level of care has her doctor recommended?

If she is becoming violent, she needs to be seen asap, preferably by a geriatric psychiatrist who can work with medication to calm her agitation. If she becomes violent towards him, her should not hesitate to call 911 to have her taken to the ER.

There is a Veteran's Benefits tab on this site. It's a good place to start doing research about eligibility. But before thinking about placement, he needs to get her the specialized medical help she needs right now.
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