What are your experiences telling someone that they have dementia and how do you deal with an increasingly needy single parent?

Yes. I am an only child and I am trying to get her moved into a facility. It's so draining.

I'm an only child too and I understand how stifling this can be. I would not broach the subject with a scary medical diagnosis. Just tell her she is getting forgetful and you'd like to see her make friends and be in a safe environment for when you are not home during the day. Research shows that people who go into Assisted Living can slightly slow down the progression of the disease because of the companionship and help they receive. I believe the isolation can accelerate the progression. By placing her in AL, you are removing dangers like the stove, how to work the washing machine, cleaning up the house, and the risk of her wandering off. This will free her mind so she can relax and make friends.

Pick a place that is close to you so you can assure her you will visit. Also, at first maybe you can take her out once a week, take her to dinner or to church. This way she won't feel like she is locked up, and she can still live a normal life.

I believe for insurance reasons, medical providers 'usually' say its a 'mini stroke' - while I've copied some of the definition here, I encourage you to look this up - to learn more about it and then how to talk to your mom about what's happening to her.
* She still may not understand her limitations although supporting her to accept herself unconditionally by loving her unconditionally will hopefully hope.
* I tell clients that "I'm going through the same thing" - forgetting - while it may not be exactly the same thing, it is comforting to another to know they are not alone.
Gena / Touch Matters (see below)

A transient ischemic attack (TIA) is a temporary period of symptoms similar to those of a stroke. A TIA usually lasts only a few minutes and doesn't cause permanent damage. Often called a ministroke, a transient ischemic attack may be a warning. About 1 in 3 people who has a transient ischemic attack will eventually have a stroke, with about half occurring within a year after the transient ischemic attack. A transient ischemic attack can serve as both a warning of a future stroke and an opportunity to prevent it.

I’ve heard of doctors not telling family members a diagnosis— if the patient doesn’t want them to know (as this is privileged communication), but it is unfair, and seems unethical, for the family to have information when the still cognizant patient is uninformed about their own condition.

I would look for a new doctor, get a second opinion, and get a review of her conditions and medications (to make sure these are not the cause of any confusion she is experiencing).

Lots of great answers from folks. Great that your Mom is willing to go to a care home. I second the advice of NancyIS on making sure all the paperwork is in order while you can. Luckily my folks got a lot of their stuff in order years ago, like the POA - we should have gotten a little more in order like bank accounts, but I'm working my way through that. And definitely talk to an Elder Law attorney if you haven't - they will be able to help you figure what needs to be done, including things you won't think of. And it'll help you feel like you aren't the only one dealing with it - you'll feel like you have some help.
As far as telling your Mom about the dementia diagnosis, I'd say it depends totally on where her memory is now. My Dad hasn't technically been diagnosed, but if he was I wouldn't tell him. He's at the point where he wouldn't remember anyway. He'll forget things that I told him 10 minutes before - and always forgets why he is a taking a memory medication and what it's for. (Ironic, right?)
If you really think that telling her will help her understand what's going on without making her depression worse that's one thing, but I don't know that it'll help her appreciate the upcoming limitations. You have to ask yourself if knowing that she's slowly losing her mind help her? You know her best.

you could tell her however she won't remember in the future anyhow so its like having amnesia (only in the future) so she won't remember that you told her back in the past. If she is taking meds for her conditions just let her know that you and the doctor are doing what they can but there are never any guarantees. Tell her the trial period will let her see how many others her age are there and she might enjoy it like a small vacation. And hoping that it goes well that she can adjust easily without any issues. But be forewarned, she will eventually beg to come home or want to leave (as the dementia progresses)....then you will need to rely on some old time "white fibs" indicating that the house is being worked on, or there is another issues that isn't good for her to come home at that time but might have to wait a little longer. And if she is okay being by herself for a couple hours, you will just have to let her know that you are going out for awhile but you will be back. And if that doesnt work, then you might have to get a "sitter" to be with her for the times you and your partner want to go out on a date. I am not single but don't feel guilty as no matter if single or not, people feel guilty at times during these situations. Make sure that she has all papers in place (Med POA, POA, will, living will, etc), even might not hurt to check with an elder attorney for anything concerning her finances, upcoming possible medicaid, etc. wishing you luck.

I've been in the same situatio for the last 6 years but I don't have time for a relationship since I work over 64 hrs/wk on the R.R. and Mom is farther along than your Mom. Ironically, since your Mom is already agreeable to go into an ALF so soon; that is usually the hardest part of what we're going to have to decide down the road. As far as telling her she has Dem/ALZ, I'd advise against it. It will worsen her depression. It'd tell her that her Doc suggested that it will help her get better; like rehab; since you still work a lot and can't be there all the time. Other than that, I would definitely start talking to an Elder Law lawyer about getting Guardianship Care under way. While she's still "with her wits"; as Grandma used to say; it's best to do it while she still can understand the implications "IF" something happens to her and that you'll need to make decisions the way she would. All my prayers and God Bless.

Yes if she is sensing a limitation or change in herself then it ramps up the anxiety. Sounds like if those meds aren't working then she needs those adjusted.
If you feel the need to tell her about dementia- think about why- it isnt like she can prepare herself. Actually i think your preparation is more helpful- get a plan. Get resources and know what is coming and what more services she will need.
Is there a senior day care or senior group she can attend during the week so that you are not her only chance for human contact?
Can the dr advise if a health aide is possible to come in to be with her? Is it possible to advertise for a companion like college student intern in health field who may visit her for a few hours, or a church that does senior visiting?

She has other issues that already limit her abilities. Telling her about dementia is not necessary - it won't help her 'handle it' better - useless info for her. Leave that discussion out. Right now her only limitations are the other medical issues. Since she is considering the care home, go with it. She will be around others and more engaged than she is now. May help with some of the other med issues just to be around more people, activities, etc. Let that move happen and encourage with all the things the facility offers. Go there to be sure she is getting out of her room, with you, and involving herself to meet others, engage.

As for being an only child - even in large families with siblings, the caregiver person who stepped up to the plate is, more often than not, an only child when it comes down to the work.

Michael67: Imho, even if you were to tell her of her dx, her brain may no longer possess the capacity to recognize it.

Thank you all for your advice, suggestions and for sharing your experiences. This forum is a life saver.

First of all, don't tell her she has dementia. She will deny it and get upset. Instead say it is normal and natural for aging people to "forget" or do things "differently". Find the opportunity to "talk up" a facility for friendship, companionship, all that stuff as you need to work at your job (I assume you have one) and you need peace to know she is cared for. Show her love as much as you can but the least you say, the better. Try to move her soon and be aware that the adjustment period does NOT happen overnight - it will happen but it takes time. Check the places out BEFORE you place her. And then you start living a normal life again.

I don't know what being an only child has to do with anything. Keep in mind that she likely made YOU the focus of all her energies at time for many years. I am not an only child but I took care of my parents and I was privileged to do so. I hope you will find a good place for your mother with a good and caring staff.

Why would you even want to bring it up?
That's like telling a kid that they are going to die.
She knows that she is failing in many ways. Documenting it does not improve it.
What a wonderful thing that she is interested in a care home. Keep your fingers crossed. She may well say she doesn't like it so try to make the experiment last longer.