Follow
Share

As adults with aging parents, what are your biggest concerns or fears? Do you think they align with the concerns/fears of your parents? How easy is it to have that conversation?

Find Care & Housing
My biggest concern is declining with dementia and no quality of life and my inability to keep her home, need 24/7 care. And also her narcissism because of dementia, that results in losing mother as is.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to poetry21
Report

Hard to explain in writing, but here goes...my dad often claims he’s ready to go, wants to die in his sleep, to be found dead having gone peacefully, etc. However, he very much loves doctors and obsesses over every symptom and ailment. He constantly wants to go one doc or another, or is looking for some new med to take for something. I’m blessed that my dad doesn’t deal with dementia, but what he does deal with is constant worry. This didn’t come with old age. My fear for him is that in this constant fight for life he won’t get his wished for peaceful exit from this world. There are worse fates than death, and I fear one of them for him
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

wally03 no not so much the death part- just seeing my parents already having difficulty with things that used to be so easy and worrying about what it will look like when they really decline physically or mentally. Right now they're still very independent and feeling"invincible" so having the conversation about what aging will look like for them is difficult. My husband and I live far away and I know they'd never want to leave their home, but I worry how we will cross that bridge if they begin to need more assistance and right now that's not a conversation they're interested in having, although I think this is the best time to have it
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to tcbreit
Report

@Pepsee yes, I think sometimes we have different goals or worries than our parents do and its hard to figure out the middle ground in keeping them safe and healthy while also giving them space to age as they'd like. I have a hard time having that conversation because my parents are fiercely independent at this time and refuse to really talk about their desires as they age
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to tcbreit
Report

I am sole caregiver to my 103 year old aunt and my 90 year old mother. My aunt lived alone till 6 months ago. Since we moved her in with my mom, she has fallen twice. Broke 5 ribs and lost vision in her right eye. Still gets up and sits in her chair daily, but I’ve been forced to get almost 24/7 caregivers. Getting weaker every day. Weighs 80. One of my biggest fears/concerns is that my mom is getting used to the caregivers being around and isn’t getting up and doing much for herself anymoreZ. In and out of ER multiple times in the last few months with UTI’s and dehydration. Otherwise, she gets around as well as I do. (I’m 60) but feel like she is declining mentally. All her sisters have lives to be 100 + so I’m concerned about how I’ll provide caregivers for her when my aunt passes for the next 10+ years since my brother has cleaned her out since my dad died 25 years ago....
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Lin1958
Report

Ceecee65, that sounds exactly what my husband and my MIL are going through at this time except my husband is 69 and his mom is 87.
My husband has had cancer, many small strokes, two large ones, and along with his other health issues, is just fading away and he knows it. He feels lost each day.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Val3rie
Report

My fear is that my father will end up bedridden...not really 'living', just existing. The 'life' he has now is painful to watch and he is still able to get around on his own. I worry that his brain will completely go but his body will continue on.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to lkdrymom
Report

My fear is that my FIL will continue to suffer the loss of his dignity at a snails pace. He is not losing his memory as quickly as he is losing his ability to do anything for himself.
He’s so sad, but overall has no disease that will hasten his death. He just knows what he’s lost and thinks 90 years old is plenty old enough.😞
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Ceecee65
Report

right now my biggest concern is 'declining with Alzheimer's' and soon 'incontinence'

there are no conversations about anything regarding fear. cause moms not going to remember.

in my case, my mother has no fears. at least not real ones.

are you afraid a parent is dying and they know it? and you don't want to talk about it cause its too hard?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to wally003
Report

What conversation tc? Asking what their fears are, and telling them ours?
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Pepsee
Report