I am one of those who think perhaps it is not possible to not fall apart. Its very difficult to see a loved one get worse. To be honest when my dad went downhill I drank more to cope, perhaps not wise, but at least it gave me some moments of numbness. But other times I let myself fall apart, and thats probably all part of the process.
No easy answer here. We are human. We have emotions. Honor your feelings but don’t allow them to completely own you.
Not being sarcastic here, but if you aren’t feeling a positive feedback from your therapist, look for another one that may offer more insight in the situation. Or it could possibly be that you aren’t able to process it just yet.
Give yourself time to adjust. Wishing you all the best.
Also Grace, a lot of the therapists now will say let me help you with what you are dealing with NOW, not tell me about your childhood and your mother and father. They want to help you with your PRESENT situation, not your PAST.
Grace, I am so sorry therapy isn’t helping. I have been to a few over my adult life. Each one helped me in a different way. My primary care doctor told me to see a psychologist rather than a licensed counselor or social worker.
In my opinion the male psychologist I went to see was the worst one!! I didn’t have a good feeling about him.
I was right about him. He lost his license because he had SEX with one of his patients. It was all over the newspaper!!
I have had good luck with a therapist or social worker or any other title that is below a psychologist. They don’t have the degree but a lot of them have the experience. I prefer a woman because they identify with us. They can relate to us.
Perhaps the best one to see is a psychiatrist, but nowadays they only write out a prescription. They don’t do “talk therapy” anymore.
Accepting the inevitable--aging, in this instance and the many things that go along with it, can be very hard for some people.
Of course you KNOW that your mother won't live forever, nor would you want her to.
I'm sure your therapist does have ideas on how to help, sometimes we are so sad we don't hear what they are saying.
Be as informed as you can be about tests, procedures, medications, etc and of course do what you feel is best for your mother's overall health, but try, in that muddle of information, to think about the future and what that will entail.
Garden Artist has good ideas. The contemplative soul is a peaceful one.
If nothing else, be glad you had this time with your mom. Not everyone has a good relationship with their parent/s and if you do--that's wonderful. You will always have that.
You may need another therapist. If you don't leave therapy after a few sessions feeling "mad as Hades" then you don't have a therapist who is willing to shake you up from your circular thinking. Some therapists simply sit and listen. Their patients seldom make a lot of progress but have a listening post to "hear them". This can go on for years. The best therapists in my humble opinion are the ones that have input, that stop circular thinking and habitual paths formed in the brain. Falling apart when a loved one's health gets worse is normal. But one cannot stay in the falling apart. You have to feel the pain. You would not be human if you did not. You have to mourn the losses. Then you have to move on. Not everything can be fixed. Some things must be lived with and lived through. You don't say how long you have been in therapy? You don't say if this is something that your therapist SAID to you: as in "I don't know how to help you?" or if this is your opinion? A therapist, in the end, DOESN'T really help a situation. He or she cannot change what is happening to your loved one, nor what you must live with or live through. What a therapist waits to hear before ushering you out the door is "Well, nothing really is much changed, but I feel better about it, about what I can change, about what I cannot, about what I must do to take care of myself, about my limitations." There is no magic fix to life; in fact many things cannot be fixed. What we look for are tools to help us through. A therapist is one. You are HERE, Grace, so that is a tool also. Tell us what bothers you on a given day. Don't just fill in the subject line, but fill in the area below. Tell us one thing that is hard for you. Or one at a TIME. And let others who are living through the same things tell you what works for them, and see if there is help for YOU. Wishing you the best, and so glad that you sought therapy when you needed it. If indeed your therapist has thrown up his or hands, move on. Not every therapist is right for every person they see. Good luck.
Grace, I'm sorry to learn that a situation has worsened, and I think you're wise to consider how to approach it.
What worked for me was to research as much as I could about the new conditions, mediations, treatments, and more, so I that I was better prepared to adapt. At least then I could be more proactive in addressing issues with medical personnel. That was very helpful, because I could make decisions w/ as much factual knowledge as was available.
I won't deny though that I had friends who were in medicine, and they gave me excellent advice. It helps to know some nurses!
I also tried to set aside time for myself, whether to come here and post, or to listen to music, draw, or read. That created downtime which balanced out the challenging moments.
Being outside was also very helpful; it was meditative. Watching snowflakes fall and trying to imagine how to crochet one was a diversion, as was watching fireflies in the summer.
Not being sarcastic here, but if you aren’t feeling a positive feedback from your therapist, look for another one that may offer more insight in the situation. Or it could possibly be that you aren’t able to process it just yet.
Give yourself time to adjust. Wishing you all the best.
Look up, dear.
In my opinion the male psychologist I went to see was the worst one!! I didn’t have a good feeling about him.
I was right about him. He lost his license because he had SEX with one of his patients. It was all over the newspaper!!
I have had good luck with a therapist or social worker or any other title that is below a psychologist. They don’t have the degree but a lot of them have the experience. I prefer a woman because they identify with us. They can relate to us.
Perhaps the best one to see is a psychiatrist, but nowadays they only write out a prescription. They don’t do “talk therapy” anymore.
Dont give up. There is one out there for you.
Of course you KNOW that your mother won't live forever, nor would you want her to.
I'm sure your therapist does have ideas on how to help, sometimes we are so sad we don't hear what they are saying.
Be as informed as you can be about tests, procedures, medications, etc and of course do what you feel is best for your mother's overall health, but try, in that muddle of information, to think about the future and what that will entail.
Garden Artist has good ideas. The contemplative soul is a peaceful one.
If nothing else, be glad you had this time with your mom. Not everyone has a good relationship with their parent/s and if you do--that's wonderful. You will always have that.
(Hugs)
You don't say how long you have been in therapy?
You don't say if this is something that your therapist SAID to you: as in "I don't know how to help you?" or if this is your opinion?
A therapist, in the end, DOESN'T really help a situation. He or she cannot change what is happening to your loved one, nor what you must live with or live through. What a therapist waits to hear before ushering you out the door is "Well, nothing really is much changed, but I feel better about it, about what I can change, about what I cannot, about what I must do to take care of myself, about my limitations."
There is no magic fix to life; in fact many things cannot be fixed. What we look for are tools to help us through. A therapist is one.
You are HERE, Grace, so that is a tool also. Tell us what bothers you on a given day. Don't just fill in the subject line, but fill in the area below. Tell us one thing that is hard for you. Or one at a TIME. And let others who are living through the same things tell you what works for them, and see if there is help for YOU.
Wishing you the best, and so glad that you sought therapy when you needed it.
If indeed your therapist has thrown up his or hands, move on. Not every therapist is right for every person they see. Good luck.
What worked for me was to research as much as I could about the new conditions, mediations, treatments, and more, so I that I was better prepared to adapt. At least then I could be more proactive in addressing issues with medical personnel. That was very helpful, because I could make decisions w/ as much factual knowledge as was available.
I won't deny though that I had friends who were in medicine, and they gave me excellent advice. It helps to know some nurses!
I also tried to set aside time for myself, whether to come here and post, or to listen to music, draw, or read. That created downtime which balanced out the challenging moments.
Being outside was also very helpful; it was meditative. Watching snowflakes fall and trying to imagine how to crochet one was a diversion, as was watching fireflies in the summer.