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My husband is very healthy but is in 6th stage of early onset dementia. He seems to understand some questions and directions sometimes. He is starting to lose control of his bowel movements and can't seem to do anything but watch tv and listen to music. Dr has him on medicine 4 x day now so he is calm most of the time. I know he will have to go into a NH but WHEN? He loves to be home. We have lived here 45 years.

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Becky,
Some people like to establish a boundary in advance.

For example, “I can take care of my LO, until the LO is double incontinent.”

or
”I can keep him at home, unless he begins to wander from our home.”

You may want to use this time to establish your “line in the sand”.

You could tour some facilities and find one that would be up to your standards, BEFORE you need one.

That way, you can have a no-pressure meeting, or video or phone call with the facility or facilities before it’s an emergency, and you are possibly pressured into making a decision. 🙂
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Thanks four your answers. I was really stressed about a month ago. He was getting mad and acting like he may hit me or run away. I didn't know all the things I know now. Sundowning, waking up several times at night thinking it was time to get up, not liking me to talk to friends even on phone. But now through this app I have learned about so much on how to deal with him and Dr raised his medicine to 4x a day. It helps him sleep,keeps emotions under control, able to deal with being out around people. (I love taking my grand nieces out) I just did not know what to expect next. I took care of my SMother. But put her in NH,I really didn't see all the changes she went through. The more I read on here the more I have learned why he does the things he does. Even the shadowing was new word to me but it's what he is doing and I understand now and can work with it. Thanks to all.
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How are managing with his care at home? If you are able to then let him stay home. From what you describe I would say the time vould be near for him to be placed however if you are able to cope without your own health compromised then continue as you are doing for the time being until the time comes when he physically is too much of a strain for him to stay home.
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I think the answer is ‘when he can’t be coped with at home’. Many many people in the past have died at home with conditions that would now be dealt with in hospital or a nursing home. There is no ‘law’ or ‘principle’ that says a NH has to happen or when.

The different care options include family care, in-home paid carers, and different types of facilities. They all have different care levels and costs of one sort or another. Your husband is healthy, so incontinence is probably the biggest care issue, together with the need for someone to be with him.

Why are you asking the question? Are you being pressured one way or the other? If you give more information, our posters could help more.
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