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Mom is 85 years old. I moved into care for her in APRIL 2025. In November and December 2025 she spent those two months in intermittent Hospital and REHAB stays. She has been home with me again since January 2, 2026. She experienced the expected decline, both physically and cognitively while in facilities. This is her fourth week at home, and this entire week she has been tremendously more cognitively present, and aware then she has been in a very long time. While this is a very joyful thing to have happened, it has kind of thrown me for a loop with how to interact with her without experiencing an escalating situation. Any input or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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Take her out for a ride? Play relaxing music in the car? Take her out for a walk in the sun?
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Reply to brandee
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I will be honest...I secretly hate it when my mom rallies. She will be 97 this month and has had various periods during which hospice was started and she was sleeping almost all the time and extremely out of it.

But now, once again, she is "back" and has no awareness that she needs help, even though I have to do everything. It is much easier when this 71-pound person with no memory is passive and not saying to me, "This is my house and I am the mother. You live your life, I'll live mine" !!!!!!

I have decided that it is best to interact with her in a way that she expects...even though somehow her expectations are based on being her full, competent self. I have drawn back and am doing less in order to avoid these triggering conversations that I sometimes feel are going to give me a heart attack! So I may let her wear the same clothes for a while or not brush her teeth ("I take care of that myself, you don't get to tell me when to do things!). I feel insane.

So I really feel you on this! No answer, it's just really hard.
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Reply to FloridaSandy
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Purple18: Perhaps she rallied for a short duration.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Just hold her hand and say to her with great big smile, "It is so nice that you are feeling up and energetic today. It makes me happy to see you with so much positive energy."

You cannot analyze everything. Take the good days while you have them. We all know that nothing is guaranteed.
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Reply to WordsofWisdom
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My mom's mental alertness increased recently after a stomach bug. I think not having the calming meds in her system due to GI issues caused this change. I've noticed changes when she is on meds for infections as well. Thankfully it was short lived. She is calmer once again.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I have no idea what's causing your mom's increased alertness and awareness. You might want to keep in mind that sometimes a sudden increase in energy and alertness is the phenomenon referred to as "terminal lucidity."
Another thing to keep in mind is that increased alertness can precede a "valley." My mom, who has dementia, often becomes more alert (almost manic) just before she has a bad spell (sleeping to the point of being unresponsive for several hours or a day).
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Reply to Rosered6
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Often folks that suffer with any of the dementias suffer from hospital delirium when in the hospital or rehab facility for any length of time and then when they return home they return to what may be considered their more "normal" self. So instead of worrying about this I would just enjoy the fact that your mom seems to be doing better than when in the hospital/rehab, as this too shall pass as her dementia worsens.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I wish I had a good answer for you .
The more aware times often cause escalations as they try to assert dominance and prove they are once again independent.
My nephew has been dealing with this with my sister and he says he’s walking on eggs all the time , and now she is declining again but she thinks there is nothing wrong with her .

I guess agree with her when you safely can that doesn’t embolden her too much. Change the subject when you can .
Also don’t always jump in , let her fail at trying some things so she sees she’s not as independent as she thinks . You being there is propping up a false independence . If it escalates badly can you leave , let her be on her own to fail for a bit ?
I had a wise social worker tell me “ stop helping , let her fail “. This was when I was trying to place my mother in AL .

Even though your Mom is somewhat more aware , the ability to reason with her is still not there , that’s the problem . The word “ No “ is a complete sentence.
You can also say “ I’m sorry but that will
not be possible “ . Or “ No I can not ( or will not ) do that .” Don’t give her reasons , she won’t understand . I remember wishing for my mother to get worse where she couldn’t argue so much and hopefully be more cooperative .

Take advantage of this largely temporary improvement . Get out of the house . Do some things for yourself .
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Reply to waytomisery
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