My father suffers from multiple health issues including neropathy, diabetes, irregualr heart rates which result in fainting and incontinence He lives alone he has told me and siblings if we move him against his will he will call the police when we show up to his door. We know assistant living will be best for him. What are our rights?

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If I were you, I'd call your local Social Services and have them do a welfare check on your dad. Then you will have a third party behind you.

Other than that, you can go to court and try to get guardianship. It's slow and expensive, but sometimes it has to be done.

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Not all ALF are as bad as Fortress claims. I had to move my mother, against her wishes to an ALF for dementia. My only regret is that I didn't do it three years earlier. She is so much happier than she was living at home all by herself. Yes, it took a while before she settled in but in the long run it was completely worth it in her case. They take very good care of her and she spends her days doing activities with others. I have eaten their many times and the food has been exceptionally good. I have nothing but good things to say, I may just be lucky and found that one great place.......good luck
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I think a person should be allowed to stay in their home and rot if they want to. I think it is awful to force someone into a nursing home. As soon as they go into Asst Living they go downhill fast. UNLESS they are the type who adjust easily and can enjoy the company of other people who are going downhill.
Even the best NH and Asst Living they begin giving drugs for "behavioral issues" and things go bad from there.

If your dad is not completely out of his mind, if he can make TV dinners, get his own glass of water, then let him die at home if possible. He has rights.

Sometimes when I read this stuff I am so glad I do not have kids that may force me out of my house when they think I am not living the good life anymore.

I'd rather die in one year at home than live for 10 years in Asst Living.

If your dad is driving you nuts with calls and needing help then he needs to know that is the reason he needs to move for your benefit. Then he will know he has to hire someone to come in and check on him once a day instead of bugging you guys.

If at all possible please give him wishes.

I don't care if I am sick and a little wacky when I get old, people should leave me alone. I have struggled my whole life to have a place when I get old and I don't care how dusty & dirty my place gets. I do not want to go to a nursing home (which is where asst living naturally ends up).

Why do people think life in an institution where others control you completely is better than a life at home with problems?

If I were the father I would be looking for an elder lawyer to protect me and my rights. A person has a right to live and die as they wish even if it isn't the safest.

The elders goal is not always to be "safe" and live forever. Sometimes it is just to get by day by day in their own home even if it is NATURALLY at a lower quality of life as they get older.

Unless they are a danger to someone else. I'd leave them alone.

If he cannot keep his bed clean from incontinence then he needs to hire someone to come in and do that for him.

My dad is in a NH and I wish he'd stayed home. His diet there is donuts, cinamon rolls, anything he wants for breakfast lunch dinner his health has gone way downhill and his sugar is always over a 250 now. At home he at small TV dinners, oatmeal, milk, coffee ... small things he could make, and his sugar was much better and he did his own insulin even though he was blind.

Now all the Asst Living , NH activities involve cookies, donuts etc... and it is bad... I mean how can they say NO to him when everyone else is eating cookies.. Plus he will eat 12 at a time. Oh well, whatever, it is his only pleasure now that he is institutionalized.
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I would strongly urge that you contact someone in social services or the department of aging and explain your problem, as children you do have to protect yourself from elder neglect. Let them advise you of what can be done for your parent and yourself.
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When ever I had difficulties in careing for Mom and she was resistant. I would think to myself....If she were 2 years old and I saw her doing something usafe, what would I do. If I felt she needed to be bathed and I had to bathe her, I did. If I thought it was unsafe to be cooking I made sure she wasn't alone in a kitchen. I thought if she were 2 would I leave her alone with a bottle of pills. ETC.
You are only doing what's best for the one who needs care if that is what they need. Unless a person can truely care for themselves and it is not possible for a safe, healthy, good quality of life at home than some type of 24/7 care is needed.
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When my mom was on a rehab floor in an assissted living, I was astonished. She could do things she never did at home, and she got along with people so well. She is such a hermit at home. I tell her if I win the lottery, she is getting dropped off at that place within the hour. She laughs.
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I agree with Fortress that "a person should be allowed to stay in their home and rot if they want to." However, iff a person becomes a "danger to himself and others" then it is not safe for him to live alone at home. Many assisted living places are quite spectacular and provide nutritious foods - my late father was in one of those. I had to move him.....he was getting so confused that he would have left the stove on and burned the house down. He was not paying his utilities - I had to go to the bank and get them to set up an automatic deduction for them so that they would not be shut off. His finances were a mess - I had to jump in and straighten those out also. He was not bathing and stunk to high heaven - and he had always been an immaculate person. The neighbors called adult protective services and I got the phone call from them - I was in legal trouble because I was fully aware that dad was losing his marbles, but in their mind, I was not doing anything about the situation (actually, I was, but they did not know that) So, sometimes adult children can be held liable. If it has not already happened, I'm sure that soon laws will be passed making adult children liable for the behavior of their elderly parents with which case none of us will be allowed to "let them stay in their home and rot."
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In my town we have a mediation organization that will sit down with family members and help them work out a situation that all can live with, so you may want to see if your town has this also.
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In reference to the last post, laws are already present that require all people to report to social services any potentially or already dangerous situation for a child, adult, or an older adult. As the adult child, I would just turn the entire situation over to social services. It is not the goal for social services to place older adults in assisted living situations. The space is often limited in most assisted living centers. They want adults to stay in their homes.Senior day centers are often an option for people who need a little bit of assistance instead of a change of residence. I agree that a person should stay in his or her home for as long as possible, but sometimes there are issues that make allowing them to do so dangerous -- to themselves or others. I would like to assure the person that commented people should be allowed to rot in their homes, that almost every person on this site truly loves and wants the best for their parents. Most of us are grieving and/or are overwhelmed by caring for people that need us. Social services has been created in the attempt to help people who are in the situation such as "gogo1971" has mentioned in the question posted here. I hope they can help you, gogo1971. I know how much it hurts to have a parent who is verbally abusive. Best wishes.
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Each situation is unique. You don't want to "rule over" your parent but you want him safe. You also don't want his care to consume you.
Best to let a professional determine whether or not he needs more assistance than you are able to provide. A full Geriatric Assessment is in order...IF you can get him to go. If not, then social services may be the only recourse.
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