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I lost my job when my father had his stroke & I had to take care of him full time. My husband has also lost his job bc of this situation. My father has money to pay us for caring for him if he wanted to but will not. He also wants me to give money (1grand/mth)to my sister who has not called/visited since he had his & stroke (over a year) & he's already helped her by paying the downpayment to her house. I'm afraid I'm going to take care of him & basically be poverty stricken when he passes away, but I've already lost so much bc of this situation (money, job, had to sell my car to pay bills) that I really have nothing at this point. I feel like this is a lose-lose situation and I've become an endentured servant. my friends are telling me to leave and take care of myself but we have nothing in the bank bc we didn't know my father had money and paid for things for awhile- when I got control of his finances I realized that he had money and that we were being suckered. We sold our cars for money early after we lost our jobs and my father requires 24 hour care. Does anyone have any suggestions?

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Encourage hubby to find a job, and save that paycheck so you can get out of there. Avoid the temptation to pay your bills with Dad's money. Should he need a full nursing home within 5 years and he gave anything away, he won't be eligible for Medicaid.
You rights--- well you should get some compensation, but that would require a carefully worded contract drawn up by an attorney. Go see Dad's attorney and see what you can work out.
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Aviva, I don't know how old you and your husband are. I assume that you are both living in your father's house. If so, I would take advantage of the situation while it lasts to find new jobs. Perhaps your husband can go to work while you take care of your father. When you get back on your feet a bit and get transportation, you can also find a job. You seem to be a wonderful daughter and deserve to be treated better. You don't want to end up in poverty down the road by not having a job or retirement savings. I don't envy the task you have before you, but it is something you need to do. I wish you had your father's support in doing it. That would make it so much easier.
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Aviva, why did you feel you had to give your job to care for him? Can you move out, get a job and reestablish yourselves?
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We have had a rocky relationship in the past but I did not think he would want me to be in this type of financial mess. & yes I am his PoA, health care proxy. (my husband and I literally do everything for him) it's just a very disheartening situation to be in.
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I'm sorry that you got stuck with this and am not sure there is really much that you can do. Maybe someone else has some ideas.

All of your money is gone and yet your dad wants you to give money to your sister? That is crazy! You in a loose loose situation and you have become an indentured servant. Has your dad lied to you in the past? If so, why did you trust him this time? How long have you been taking care of him.

Now that you have control of his finances, I would not send your sister any money. If you decide to stay, then only spend his money on his care, hire others to look after him during he day and go out and find a job if possible.

I assume that you have durable POA for your dad since you are in control of his fiances?
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