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I am currently a caregiver through an agency caring for a 48 year old man with a brain injury. During one of my shifts I was forced to go with the client at 11:00 at night to a dance that he wanted to go to. After arriving at the dance we found it to already be over, but instead of returning home client told the taxi driver to take us to a local bar. I do not drink nor does my religion believe in fraternizing at said establishments. I feel that he is possible putting my safety as well as my beliefs in jeopardy what can I do?

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I can not express my appreciation to all who who responded and helped me make sense of this mess. I did in fact imform my agency of everything that is in question and a concern. The companies action about these issues and concerns I voiced I'm not sure have helped in any way. Although I would love to say I trust them to make sure they are following through after what happened during a cuurent shift it appears that chain of command is clear not everybody involved is all on the same page. which at this point I have been put in a position to question to whom I do ultimately answer too.Before a shift i was to work i became ill and it continued most of the day and just got worse to the point i could not keep anything at all down. thinking it would get better i went to work like normal. when i arrived it was obvious to caregiver there and she asked what was wrong she said i did not look good. after i gave a rundown her response to me was simply that is unfortunate because there is shopping that has to be done and Craig cant miss tonights game at the college. her recommendation to me was to contact the agency immediately so a fill in could be found and that me being sick around Craig was exactly what he was to stay away from as a direct order from his home health nurse given upon her visit that day. so after contacting my agency and making sure they knew i was indeed sick i was then told that i was in no way to do the shopping they would contact prior shift for other arrangments to be made, and then i was imformed that they would do what they could to try and find a fill in and that they would be in contant with me later on. when i hung up the phone i went downstairs as i made the bottem step craig was turning around in his chair and was saying something i could not hear. when i got closer he repeated what he was saying so i could hear he said that he wouldn't mind if we had to stay home tonight that in fact the game he could watch on tv and proceeded to show me from the guide on the tv that the game was on at eight. my only reply to that was okay and then went to make him something to eat. while he was eating he had picked up the shopping list left on the table looking it over as he did i told him we would not be doing the shopping tonight because i was told no. he then got upset and started raising his voice saying who told you that I'm in control I'm the one who makes the rules i pay for you to be here i pay your time, and sadly this isn't the first time that he has said this to me and in anger. Well it became me choosing and questioning what to do at this point. after dinner he then did return to his chair where he sat asleep just until right before the game was supposed to start. now not one time during my shift did he ever seem upset or bothered in any way in fact he was in a really good mood while he was awake. even after my relief arrived he showed no signs that he was upset at all after reading the log book entry from the caregiver that relieved me that only supported what i noted about his mood. just right before i was going to work the next day i was contacted by my supervisor apperantly craig refused to go to any appointments that day because he was extremely upset he didn't get to go to the game can you explain why you did not go. i was so surprised i didn't know what to say so i just began with what happened after i hung up from calling her. it had become obvious to me that apparently they had only part of the story, and this phone to me is as we speak is the first time she is hearing any of the facts due to only have talked with Craig. I finished telling her all i knew which it seems were convieniently omitted in the story that he told. at this point it appears that i was in the blame judgment made solely on a one sided story and the reception i got from prior caregiver only solidifies this. I'm i am alone here about perceiving manipulation, clear intent on the decision to withhold imformation, and the chain of command issue if i did miss something else please could you make sure to include it in your reply i haven't a clue if I'm on mark about this situation
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I believe Hugemom makes a very valid point. First of all, I most certainly would inform the agency for whom you work that this is a deal breaker. No employer has the legal right to force you to do something that puts you in a dangerous situation, nor can force you to do something that is not compatible with your religious and ethical principles. It sounds as though your client is in need of a more thorough evaluation from someone in the medical field. I would also expect that his guardian should step in and perhaps take some action as well. His response to "being a grown man" may be true but his brain is functioning at a much lower level. Whatever his diagnosis is, he lacks insight into boundaries, and what is considered safe or dangerous behaviors. If he had the competency to understand this, he most likely would not have a guardian assigned to him. Again, I think your client needs to get a more thorough evaluation of his cognitive functioning and his physical condition. There may be something that is going wrong that you (or your agency) have not been made aware of. Remain firm on your position as you have as much right to it as do the clients you serve. Thank goodness people like you are out there trying to do the best for those they are caring for!
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I see no reason as a Caregiver why you need to do what he wants. A dance at 11pm, don't think so. You can't legally stop him from doing what he wants but I would question the leaving home that late and asking you to go to a bar. Think this is out of your scope as a Caregiver.
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I would say that you are his caregiver not his warden and it is beyond the scope of your job to do anything more than verbally caution him that he is doing something inappropriate. If he chooses to make these kinds of poor choices you should not be expected to accompany him, merely record that he went out against advice and inform your agency supervisors. Make it clear you WILL NOT allow yourself to be placed in harms way or participate in activities that compromise your principles.... I would very much hope your supervisors would back you up.
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I wonder how carefully this man was evaluated when it was decided that he could live on his own with caregivers. I also wonder if he wouldn’t be better off with all male caregivers. There seems to be a bit of Oppositional Defiant Disorder at play here. It sounds like someone needs to set some boundaries with him, preferably a family member or his guardian. Laying down the law to him is not up to you.

In today’s world, it’s not safe for you to be out and about with an individual who is so profoundly challenged that late at night, especially at a bar where people have been imbibing all evening and may not be using their best judgement. This man should not be “forcing” you to do anything.

Please do speak with your agency. It’s not a reflection on your abilities or lack thereof. Someone needs to step in and reevaluate this man. Be safe and keep us updated!
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He was in a car accident when he was 18 leaving him with severe brain damage. Unable to make good decisions concerning his own safety as well as some stubbornness he went for a walk one cold night ignoring advice and ended up in a snowbank frozen causing a stroke that then paralyzed his whole left side. After some time living alone and then with irresponsible roommates if was finally decided by a court he needed 24 hour care and they also appointed a guardian.Currently I have been hired through a home care company to be one of his caregivers. He does pretty much what he wants quoting he's a grown man when he refuses to follow rules set by my company and his guardian. I feel that he abuses this as well as his employees with comments like I pay for you. I have brought up this to my managers but nothing has been resolved to top it off he constantly claims to be a man of god LDS in fact
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Why does a man who can independently order a cab and go dancing or drinking need a caregiver anyway? If his family is trying to keep him in line clearly this strategy isn't working.
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Tell the agency that you cannot be this man's caregiver...you need to be reassigned.

This is YOUR belief, which you are entitled to...however, you are not entitled to force your belief on anyone else or require someone else to behave according to your beliefs.   Your rights end where another person's nose begins
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