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What can she legally tell me? The POA doesn't tell me anything regarding my mother. POA says she doesn't need to tell me thing. What are my rights?

I don't want to go to a lawyer to find out these rights and I thought maybe the forum would tell me. I would like to know how she is doing. Is she eating properly, she is still fighting the nurses, how is her sleep etc. Is she getting my mail that I send her?

Should the POA be giving me an accounting of the money once a year?

Do I have any rights whatsoever as just the daughter and not the POA?
She is my mother afterall.

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Brandywine, the more I hear of your POA sister - and, by the way, you never bitch about her, have you noticed that? - the more my skin crawls. When and how did she get to loom over you so menacingly?

However. That's a different question.

As her POA, your sister is responsible to your mother for acting on her behalf and in her best interests. She is also accountable to any supervising authorities who have the legal power to enquire into how your mother's business and welfare are being managed. Unless communication and/or reporting and/or your involvement are dealt with specifically in the POA documentation, your sister is under no obligation to inform you of any decisions she makes or, indeed, of anything in particular.

However. The key point is your mother's best interests. To exclude you, your mother's child, intentionally and actively from involvement in your mother's life, your sister would have to demonstrate that this is somehow beneficial to your mother. And, frankly, unless you're a drug abuser, a thief, a violent or abusive individual or otherwise manifestly untrustworthy around a vulnerable elder, your sister is going to find that quite hard to do.

Being in the UK I'm afraid I'm ignorant of the regulatory bodies and structures governing the operation of powers of attorney in the US; but I'm absolutely certain there will be some. Find out who they are - the governmental ones - give them a call and ask their advice.

But here's the thing. Let's suppose that your sister turns out, in a legal context anyway, to be a paper tiger; that you can confidently go ahead with visiting your mother whenever it suits her - n.b., her - and tell your sister to "do one." The trouble is that it would still be for you to find a way to ignore your sister's diktats. And is that actually what brings you out in a cold sweat?
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You sister with POA has not obligations toward you. She doesn't have to report anything or show you anything. In some cases she may have an obligation to keep information confidential.

By the same token, she has absolutely NO authority over you. She cannot tell you when you can visit your parent or what you can discuss or how long you can stay.

Here is a concise article about POA authority: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/things-you-can-and-cant-do-with-poa-152673.htm and https://www.agingcare.com/articles/what-is-durable-power-of-attorney-140233.htm

In an ideal world, siblings work together for the good of their parent. The communicate their concerns and ideas. They don't always agree, but the disagreements aren't fatal to their relationships. Ideally, sibs talk through a visiting schedule, each explaining their views of what would be best, and also sharing anything the staff professionals have suggested. One sib might say, "Over the last couple of weeks it appears to me Mom's stamina is decreasing. She seems alert for the first part of visit and then fades out. I suggest we limit our visits to no more than an hour. How does that sound to you?" and the others can contribute their ideas.

I know that this ideal can work. It works in my family for my 3 sisters and I. I am always sorry when I hear of a situation where it clearly isn't working.

The short answer is your sister doesn't have to show you anything and your sister has no authority over your actions.

But the much better answer would be to work together in cooperation.
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The last time she told me what to do and blew up like mad via email, my computer went on the blink and I had to get it fixed. Probably a coindience.
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Is she on this site? It might actually be a good way to have a discussion...without coming to blows. So, make a list of what you want to know. Post it here. you don't have to communicate at all!
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I have said too much already. Watch out for WW3.
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Sounds like there's some bad blood between the two of you and that she is a very controlling person. She's let the POA thing go to her head!

How far away from your mother do you live?
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Sister
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brandywine,

That does not sound within the authority of the POA to tell you when and for how long to visit your mother. It would be nice and keep everything above speculation if she would account for the money, but unlike a guardian, I don't think she legally has to. Who is the POA? a brother or a sister?
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I might add that the POA tells me when I can see mom and how long I can stay at the NH. Can she legally do that?
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