I’m currently being paid to care for my fiancé’s mother (cancer, leukemia, anxiety and other things). The problem is that she has been married to a very violent man whom she always appeases, enables and caters to. She is completely disabled, mid 50’s, cannot walk more than a few steps.
She was nearly beaten to death by that evil old man in the late 1980’s. He drinks at least a six pack a night, he yells and curses at both her and I, he continually sabotages my work trying to clean the hoarded home, he’s got at least a dozen guns, etc. Despite his wife being on Medicaid he owns two Mercedes cars, 3 LCD big screen televisions, every type of new gadget that he never uses, every power tool and more, and they go to at least six rock concerts a year. I don’t have insurance currently and haven’t since she begged me to take care of her (and she cries and panics whenever I would search for a second or a better job). My fiancé works and does have job security fortunately. It would not be that hard to get a second job or a better one (I actually had to get certified to work as a paid caregiver) but I don’t know of anyone else who would do what I do. Like, if I walk away, I am pretty sure he will go off the rails. She’s got issues of her own too (I’m almost 34 and my fiancé and I want children—but she says women are having kids in their 50’s these days so I can wait...she wants us to move back in with her when her husband dies, doesn’t do anything but watch television and complain about the husband abusing her yet letting him) and tbh I am beyond burned out. The money is not bad but I’m constantly sick to my stomach from the anxiety. I’m from an abusive background myself and I deserve better.
So the actual question is, what are my options for her care? She believes she’s owed care by her daughter in law because gender roles *gag* and insists her son can’t do anything like clean or cook or anything like that (which is baloney, he absolutely can). Most of the time I’m there every day and I have not seen my own loved ones in years. I know they’re gonna hate me but if they knew that I am 12% North African they’d hate me anyway (did I mention the racism?)
Before I stepped in they had a weekly care person who just did two hours of cleaning and stole thousands of dollars from her. I have done everything right, and yet he calls me a gold digger and worse. I don’t want that ugly old house and I don’t want the money he doesn’t have. I just want my fiancé to be able to heal and be happy because he’s nothing like his parents at all, he’s a wonderful soul but he’s just as much of a wreck because of this.
I really would love to be able to help her but I am starting to think she LIKES the abuse—she has abysmal self esteem and always says she likes pain. Despite the fact she’s on heavy pain medication (and yes she drinks but she’ll never quit). I’m really close to calling the agency and being honest because I cannot take this much longer. I’ve lost 15 pounds in less than a month because of the anxiety.