I am an only child with a narcissistic mother who is never happy about anything. She calls me constantly and expects visits but all she does is complain and talk non-stop about herself. It's not pleasant and clear that she has no interest in my life. She has psychiatric issues and is in and out of a psych outpatient program, and she has actually said "They don't do anything for me-I just go to have something to do". I believe she has dementia too. She is widowed and lived independently afterwards, but needed more care, activities, and help so we got her into an AL place that she picked and said she loved. Two weeks later the complaints started. She made it a year, but took herself out and went back to living independently. Then she started complaining about that so my husband and I moved her in with us. We've done that before and it never works out. She has no concept of privacy, boundaries, or that other people have lives too. Then she started complaining to her friends about being at our house and eventually she moved out to an apartment complex where she currently resides.
What I'm struggling with now is that my husband is likely being transferred across the country and we need to leave within a month's time. Mother says she doesn't want to go with us, and honestly I can't even wrap my head around what moving her and all her stuff across country would entail, plus trying to move ourselves. She's been complaining to her therapists, home health people, doctors, friends etc for awhile now that she can't stand living alone and wants to move again to a facility where "I don't have to worry about anything" and everything is done for her. She had agencies "helping" her find places, but nothing is ever accomplished. So I found another AL that I think she can afford and got her on the waiting list. A few weeks ago they called and had a room. I contacted mom but she said she had her insurance caseworker working to find her a place and get on Medicaid so she passed on the room. This caseworker showed up last weekend with nothing done and was upset that mom passed on the room.
Now mom says she "can't afford" AL and wants to hire an agency that comes in so she'll have companionship, light housekeeping, etc. We've looked into that too previously, but then she says she can't afford that. She told the caseworker when she asked mother how much she'd be willing to pay for a place to live that offered all she wants and needs, and mother said $1000. That's not going to get her anywhere! She brings in about $2500/mo and can afford AL as an "independent" person living there, but if she needs anything extra like having her meds managed, clothes washed etc, it's going to cost more. I don't know how long her money will last at that rate. I know nothing about how Medicaid works, but I have read about the 5 year look back they do and mom has moved money around and has sold a house so that's all going to cause her to be penalized and denied I think.
I'm so stressed out trying to figure out what to do with her. I've never done this before and don't know where to turn for help. She's already calling friends and telling them we're abandoning her so I expect to start getting calls any day now. Any advice will be appreciated please!