We're headed for assisted living. Do you have any guidance?

yes ,, other family members will definitely visit,, and if its on here by my work I would see him even more often then I can now.

Will there be people who will visit him in a clean, orderly care center? Having visitors is generally a positive thing!

You have to do what's best for your father, especially since he was such a great daddy. At this point I think placement is what is best for him. AL? Memory Care? Nursing home? You will get help in evaluating what kind of care center will work best. And that may change over time. Just keep reminding yourself, this is what is best, and he deserves the best!

This move to assisted living will be a change for everyone. As having worked in an assisted living facility in the past, I have not met a resident who like it at first due to such a living change from home but let me assure you, with time they all adjust and come around. My thoughts are with you in your transition.

the one place I did go look at today had 3 levels of care and rooms. one was just a regular living space with a "kitchenette". the others were studio and kitchenette with Memory Care ,, boy did that BUMP UP THE PRICE !!! to the tune of 3k extra a month ,, WOW .. so I keep looking.

Has an AL evaluated him. You need to realize that they are limited in their care. Usually, they are only required to have one RN in charge and an LPN as back up. Neither have to work more than 40 hrs a week even though they may. Most of the staff are CNA's or with a Med tech in charge with the RN or LPN is not around. Which is usually nights and weekends.

In my family's experience, moving into an assisted living/memory care home was a blessing! My FIL perked up and was the life of the party for the first year he was there -- he actually got "better" during the first 3-6 months because the home's routine was so much more supportive than we were able to provide in his personal home. He missed very little of his possessions, only wanted his "comfy" clothes and his diplomas/art for on the walls. In his quieter moods, he enjoyed the tv much as he did at home - but on his busier days, he helped staff fold towels/clothes and ran the vacuum cleaner on a regular basis. He liked being "busy" once he felt safe/secure, and told us how great the food was all the time. Think positive - and be ready for a couple surprises :)

Your profile says that your dad has dementia. I suppose that is what is causing the problems you describe. At some point, you really do need a lot of constant assistance, when a person has significant dementia. I think that some people adapt to being in AL. It's difficult to say how a person will react. Their brain is damaged, so they may behave in all kinds of ways. I hope your dad does well.

My LO, who had dementia, did pretty well in AL at first, but, soon it was apparent that she needed a much higher level of care than a regular AL.(Have you discussed what level of care that he will need with the AL?) We moved her to Memory Care and it was the right move. That's where she really seemed to fit in and relax. She seemed to sense that she was somewhere where they knew how to care for her and where other residents shared her condition. 

Will your dad accept the care at AL or resist?  That's one thing that we had a problem. With a regular AL, their staff is not really trained or equipped to manage residents who are refusing baths, refusing meds, totally incontinent, etc.  I was getting a lot of phone calls about her need for more care.  I'd just keep that in mind, so that you are prepared.  AL is great for some, but, with some, their level of care may be higher than what they can provide. 

Please let us know how things go with your dad.

thank you freqflyer ,, the space in his own home that he uses now has shrunk to a chair ,, the kitchen and the bathroom mostly. The only things I think he will want are his chair, bed, mementos and some kitchen dishes maybe. He hasn't gone out to his garage in months or even the front porch I don't think .... hopefully getting some answers from social worker, doctors, care givers in the next couple weeks will give us direction.

Didgens, that is probably for the best. Dad may or may not like the change. He might be very upset or he might notice there are other people his own age that he can talk to, especially during dinner time. Most Assisted Living will place a new resident with someone who has something in common.

What will be hard is downsizing what Dad will take to his new place. My Dad wanted his 200 books but I asked him to sort through them. The standing joke was Dad was now taking 199 books :) He had room for bookcases, so why not, if it made him happy. I let Dad take whatever was within reason.... no, Dad, your workbench won't fit in your room.

Hopefully your Dad will thrive in his new home, mine did. He was happy as a clam and he didn't need to worry about his house any more. I quickly sold his house and made sure he was part of the whole process.