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Hello all. I haven’t been back to this one since october. I totally forgot how bad his memory is. What do you do when he thinks he walks 2 miles a day and he can barely get from the car to the house. My husband is like to let him try. What have others done? Oh yeah we thought our house was big it’s not as big as we thought. All he is doing is complaining about how bad it was at my brother in laws.

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The one thing I like is that your husband stands up to his Dad. Your house, your rules. You are not his slaves.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Staffbull, I am so glad that the meeting with your Mom and the lawyer went "well" or "better than expected". Does the lawyer know when the Farm Property Taxes are due? The taxes for our farms were: 50% due by June 1st and the remaining 50% due September 1st.

In regards to "having the crops custom farmed", do you mean that your brother has hired a professional harvesting company to harvest the crop?

I am glad that the lawyer is aware of the need "to make sure he (your brother) doesn’t get a renter and signs the lease over to them if it’s not terminated." That could cause problems for your Mom and for the new renter. Since your family is so well known in the area, let's hope that the other farmers are aware that they need to contact your Mom or the lawyer to sign a new contract for 2019.

I am so proud of you for telling your Mom that you cannot be at the Farm Sale this weekend. You are taking care of yourself. Go to a movie or out to eat if you can (even though your FIL is living with you now) to take your mind off of the sale.

I am sorry that your FIL "fat shames and old people shames" others. I am glad to hear that your husband stood up to his father. As you said, "One Day at a Time."

You have NOT written TOO MUCH. You needed to write all of this so that we know what is going on with you. Your life is quite complicated right now and little short postings will not tell us much. Please keep writing what is on your mind.

Take care and God Bless! ^^Prayers^^ & {{Hugs}}
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Reply to DeeAnna
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thank you all. i can’t express how much it means to have your understanding. like an AA meeting we are all going through this together . I will be honest with you i am still struggling but i am being honest with my husband. it scared me when i put on a shirt that i wore when we were in the bahamas and its so big and i don’t look good. I am making my meals a priority no matter what. i don’t want my husband to have his biggest fear come true and that’s he will lose me. My father in law actually fat shames and old people shames. he complains constantly about old grey people and he actually will make comments about how great i looked at 87 pounds. my mother in law was pressured by him to have what he called a dancers body. she lived on burnt toast,coffee and dark chocolate and my husband and i know that did not help with her organs shutting down. she died at 75 pounds. Last night my fil was talking about my nieces who he was living with. he was talking about how one has a dancers body (she is 13) and then how fat my other niece is. i thought my husband was going to kill him. he said that’s the last time weight is ever talked about in this house. he is being so demanding and complaining about everything. we tell him we are doing this one day at a time. we have been taking care of my mom and he has got to be patient. he wanted to live here so badly but the way he used to talk such praises about us are gone. he expects that we stop our lives to stop and we take care of him. my husband said it’s not like he was ever a father to us and he has it pretty damn good. he is the one that didn’t plan for his retirement. he used to use our credit card to go over to spain and impress my sil wealthy family. which her dad got caught embezzling 40 million dollars. i really don’t have a dull life. sorry for going on. i just needed to get things out. i am taking this one day at a time too . i was actually able to get to a meeting this morning too . the call with the lawyer went well. it was business and him and i were able to keep my mom on track. this is not about feelings. she was going on about a tractor that she said was hers and my grandpa gave it to him is what she said. i said please don’t go there and the lawyer. he said the reason we are speaking is that my brother has decided to move and sell the machinery because he can’t afford it anymore and he feels he has been doing everything to keep it going. he has leins on the machinery he also had a lien against the crops he was going to plant. that’s why he needed the money from the refinance of the farm. he has sold his house. i asked did he get a copy of the contract yet. no my brother said he was going to get it to him friday. i want that contract before he leaves. i will follow up on friday. we have to make sure we get the termination by october 30 because according to the contract he pays her november 1 st. he did help her by giving her money in march to pay taxes but not this year. part is he doesn’t trust her to not spend the money before the taxes are due. she has wasted a lot of money on lottery tickets. according to their conversation he is having the crops custom farmed. he will pay her on the 1st. but contract. he did say ir would be great to have his address if we can get it. i told him that probably won’t happen. he said he can get it. we also have to make sure he doesn’t get a renter and signs the lease over to them if it’s not terminated. it has to be terminated 4 months prior to the next year. it’s huge news down there. our family name was big. this sale is going to be huge. i have told my mom i can’t be there this weekend. i need to do this for myself. i offered for her to come up but still no. there is more but i feel so bad, i have wrote too much and i am rambling. deep breath and everyone have a good night.
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Reply to Staffbull18
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When my dad moved in with us my regular attendance at 3-4 AA meetings a week dropped considerably. I'd hit meetings here and there, still kept in touch with my sponsor, but I was definitely not in the middle of the boat anymore. I had a million reasons why I slacked off but they were excuses more than reasons. My life consisted of caring for my dad and I felt I had little to offer in meetings. My social life suffered as well.

My dad's been gone for some years now and I have been back in AA since he died. But it has since occured to me that continuing to go to AA while caring for my dad would have been part of taking care of myself.

Even if you hit just one meeting a week, make it the same meeting so folks know where you're at and what you're going through. Make the commitment to attend each week no matter what. I wish I had. I hung onto my sobriety but caregiving would have been a little easier if a group of alcoholics knew what I was living with. It's easy to isolate when we're caregiving and it's easy to lose sight of what we need to do to stay sober when we isolate. And we can't care for our loved ones if we're drunk.

This is what I learned from caring for my dad while being an alcoholic.
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Reply to Eyerishlass
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Hi Staffbull :)

You have been busy and I am glad it is going smoothly (ish)

Your acting (well pretends acting ) will be handy now. with "Yes, I agree" "Lucky you are here with us" "Well done" "this is your favourite"

Take care of yourself first. :)
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Reply to BuzzyBee
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Hi, Staffbull! Glad to hear you got to a meeting. And I hope your overall health is improving as well. Keep us posted!
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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I was wondering how this weekend went with the moving of your MIL. A BIG change for everyone, I'm sure. It is amazing how much a house seems to shrink when a parent moves in (or in my case, when I moved in with my Mom). :-)

Let us know how the conference call with your Mom and the lawyer goes tomorrow. We are thinking of you. Good Luck. ☘
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Reply to DeeAnna
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Hello, Staffbull! Been thinking about you. Oh dear. I think you have your hands full. So, don’t disagree with him when he says he walked 2 miles. What can it hurt to let him believe he did? My mom said she was a famous actress on the Broadway Stage and I was her co-star. And when he complains about his life st Brother-in-law’s just say, “Oh, gee, Dad. That’s too bad. But you’re here now!”
Play along. It’s a lot less stressful than arguing!
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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