Manipulating sister became POA for aging parents(85 and 86) She is first born and has always tried to control our family. She will not share medical/financial info with her 5 siblings. She's a bully and if you ask any questions she will block you. She lies all the time. She won't let my folks have access to bank acct or passwords which she constantly changes on all their accts. We've called 3 family meetings. She's unreasonable, hangs up phone then verbally abuses everyone. We know our parents did not set up POA she TOLD them what they were going to do. She became POA April 2020 but has been paying their bills since 2017. So many red flags. We've talked to our parents and said they have to revoke her poa. They are scared of their daughter because of her reaction. No one in our family knows anything about her or her family but she knows all about us. She is a narcissist and very toxic part of our family. My other siblings are finally seeing her evil BUT she will manipulate and put her "hook" in one person she can bully! She recruits people and lies to them to get on her side. She's taken things out my folks house without asking. Jewlery, 2k check to my mom from her brother. Says she is going to pay property taxes with it. None of us siblings can afford an attorney. She has broken the family and causes so much drama, chaos and bs! We NEED to get the bank statement. My folks were willing but now they keep putting it off. We've met and told them everything we are suspecting. They don't want to believe it but yet know everything we are saying is true about her and how she treats everyone. My mom won't call the attorney to even ask questions. Both my parents have resent memory loss. She's trying to strip them of everything. Moving them against their will. Taking them to tour assisted living. Deposits on places. She now trying to take my dad driver license away and being sneaky. Already took my mom's away few years ago. What can we do as a family? Who can we talk to, ask questions? Is there any way we can get their bank statement? I tried online I have all my moms info, security questions and then when they send you a code it goes to her phone or email!
I just joined so I haven't scrolled through forums yet. This is my first post.
ANY advise would be greatly appreciated.
I'm going to take this one with a giant grain of salt. As has been said here already, I don't think OP knows what a POA's job is, and frankly, the sister seems to be doing the job properly. If both parents have dementia and the other siblings are hassling them to revoke their POA, guess who's actually guilty of exploiting the elders? (Hint: It isn't Sis.)
YOU and your concerned siblings can see an Elder Care Attorney and one of you can request Guardianship. It will go to court. All of you have to stand together on this.
The Elder Care Attorney will be paid by your parents. The Elder Care Attorney will be representing them and what is in their best interest.
If both parents have dementia they should not be driving so taking their license away is not a cause for concern.
Abusing your parents financially is a problem and with the help of an elder care attorney hopefully you can find out how much if any was inappropriately used.
Lack of transparency among siblings over a parent's caregiving and management of their affairs (especially financial) often generates suspicions and resentments -- and particularly if siblings are fretting over inheritance issues.
If you are so certain that she is "abusing" them in some way then take your *actual evidence* to an attorney and get some guidance. When this attorney most likely tells you there is no case to pursue, maybe try a different tactic with your sister: offer to help in the ways she says she needs help, not what you think should happen. See if that brings about more transparency and better relations -- for your parents' sake.
I really don't see the issue here. As PoA it's her job to do all the things she is doing.
It seems you are somewhat naive about what a PoA of dementia patients is responsible for.
Often these concerns arise out of other beneficiary worries about inheritance. This will break the family. There is no inheritance until your folks die. There assets are for their care first.