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We purchased an assistive hearing headphones for my mom to hear tv and not disturb aide, however, mom refuses to wear them. Can anyone recommend earplugs for aide which will drown out sound of tv yet allow aide to hear my mom calling her?

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Imho, perhaps the aide can adjust HER schedule.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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The whole point of any earplug is to stop the noise. If you hand the aide ear plugs, it will drown out all noises - including your mom needing help and defeat the purpose of having someone there at night. Try to be consistent in keeping mom awake during the day because if she can stay awake all night long she must be getting her sleep during the day.

You could try using timer on the tv to turn it off after a certain period of time (when she normally nods off - if she does sleep at night, too).

You might try one of the surround sound things with speakers attached to wall by mom's bed. That would put the sound next to her head and you should be able to control which speakers sound comes from (tv, wall mount speaker, etc), A cheaper version to try might be some standalone personal computer speakers. You'd have to get someone to lengthen the wires to go from tv to bedside, but it would be a cheap fix. Make sure your tv has the jack to plug in a speaker. When plugged in on a computer, the sound is muted on computer and comes out on the speakers which would now be next to her bed and her head.

I would definitely work on the changing of sleep patterns first. An aide during the day should be able to keep her awake - make some noise, talk to her more, anything to interrupt the napping. And maybe tell the doctor and he could give you a couple weeks of sleeping pill so that she actually goes to sleep at night. Naps for the patient are killer for the caregivers.
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Reply to my2cents
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If the aide is certified he/she should have techniques to keep your parent as active as possible in the day. Maybe trying another aide who is more knowledgeable should be considered. If that does not work look into 2aides if funds are available to do so. If that is not feasible try looking at ear plugs that are used in refineries/ factories
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Reply to Marti5276
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How about a device deaf people use! I saw this on a TV show about a deaf couple with children. Its a mat to put under a pillow or mattress that shakes the bed when the kids stilled at night.
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Reply to Frances73
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I am giving my mother melatonin prescribed by her neurologist. It works really well for sleep at night, although a little sluggish in the am. I do not give it to her every day just nights she can't sleep. She has been sleeping really well since she started on it. I give her 2.5 mg, anything higher she becomes aggressive, and it also can decrease her blood pressure and my mom is on BP meds. Headphones if still a problem. There are some real comfortable ones you can purchase. My mom used to listen to classical music with them on occasion.
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Reply to earlybird
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I recall reading many years ago that one's biological clock can adjust about an hour each day, so it will be more realistic to allow a couple weeks for the change to take place. This was originally published to deal with jet lag, but in reality what is going on in the OP's posting is simply "jet lag" in the same time zone!
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Reply to jacobsonbob
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Your aide needs to keep your mother awake during the day, so that she sleeps at night!
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Reply to NinjaWarrior3
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Either aide needs to adjust her schedule, or better yet, mom needs to get back to a normal wake/sleep cycle. 2 methods

Slow change - get mom up 1 hour earlier every day and to bed 1 hour earlier every evening until she is on a more normal wake/sleep cycle. During this time, you have to keep her up during the day so she sleeps through the night,

Quick change - get mom up at the time desired and to bed at time desired. She needs to stay awake the entire day so she will sleep through the night. She will complain and not be happy since she will be tired. However, she will be adjusted in about 3 days.
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Reply to Taarna
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My Mom was a day sleeper and up all night. She wanted a sleep aid but Dr would not prescribe for two reasons. Would make Mom drowsy and a fall risk and the fact that she did not have a sleep problem. She WAS sleeping just at wrong time. It took about a week with lots of complaining but we got it reversed. Start getting Mom up 1 hour earlier than she usually gets up. This should make her tired earlier by maybe an hour. Next morning another hour earlier out of bed and that night another hour earlier to bed.....you get it. Good luck!
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Reply to Sweetstuff
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My DH does this--still works FT but has to have the TV on 24/7 turned to FoxNews which has to have the most annoying (to me) newscasters in the world. It's the same garbage all day long with different commercials. Since he has been WFH for the past 7 months, his weird schedules have driven me crazy--I literally was so stressed out and anxious I began to have heart problems!

Good sleep habits are basic to a more mentally healthy life. I left my bedroom and sleeping with my DH b/c he chose the TV over me.

I wear real high quality earplugs, and I somehow can still hear the doorbell or phone through them. The TV, not so much. I wouldn't suggest these for a CG, who needs to be 'on call' all the time. Unless she finds she CAN hear your mom. and not the TV.

How about bluetooth headphones for MOM with soft music (or even the TV) being piped in when she sleeps? This would not disturb the CG and maybe it would help your mom to have a better sleep cycle. Simply not allowing her the access to the TV from, say 10 pm to 6 am would help. You can program TV's to do anything these days.

Talk to her dr, there are much more effective nighttime sleep aids than melatonin, which I find so mild, it's almost pointless. My 90 yo mom takes 20 mg of that and also Trazadone--which she has taken for years. She sleeps like a rock--doesn't even shift positions in bed. I'd hate to 'knock' your mom out, but if she is sleeping at night, she'll stay awake better in the daytime. Many elders take catnaps during the day--I myself am a huge fan of an afternoon 'lie down' and find I can be better effective in my life when I respect my body's fatigue levels.

Lack of good sleep for your CG is going to result in the CG leaving your mom. You have to respect the CG's life and what she's doing. I find as I age I really, really need good sleep.
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Reply to Midkid58
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InFamilyService Sep 2, 2020
My mom loves her melatonin but naps far too long during the day. A short nap is fine but anything more is very disruptive to her night time sleep. She claims she sleeps but constantly is up going to the bathroom. Restricting fluids after dinner may help with sleep.
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Can you put parental controls on that TV so it turns off at 10?
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Reply to FloridaDD
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Great idea about getting a second remote. We are working on schedule/sleep times for aide. Aide is awake with mom at night due to tv volume. We need to ensure aide gets adequate amount of sleep or agency will not continue to permit live-in, May revert back to hourlies which are so much more expensive.
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Reply to advocate4mama
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If mom is awake the caregiver should be awake.
What would happen if mom decided to leave the house rather than watch TV?
With a bit of time and restructuring the day mom can get back on a more or less "normal" schedule.
If this situation does not work out for the caregiver....time to look for another.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I agree your mom and aide should have the same schedule, but it sounds like maybe she was not aware it was the night shift! Perhaps since she is a live in, she could try to keep mom awake more during the day.. activities and projects,, waking her on a regular schedule? Perhaps saying 1 hour of TV once your in bed,, then its off and the remote goes to "sleep". Maybe a slight sleep aid for mom, like melatonin? Most of us are not cut out for night shift work.. and if you like the aide it would be a shame to lose her because she is sleepy and not herself during the day. Some TVs have timers?
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
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advocate4mama Aug 29, 2020
Thank you for suggestions! We have tried to keep my 95 year old mom up during day with activities, physical therapy, etc. in an attempt to change her sleep schedule but it is not working. She is up all night and is exhausted during the day so she sleeps. We tried up to 10 mg of melatonin Per geriatric dr but it doesn’t work. Can you recommend a specific brand that may be effective? The aide will sleep when my mom sleeps.
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Aide should have the same schedule as your Mom.

Try to get Mom on a healthy (for her) schedule. My guess is that Mom is dozing through the T.V. noise also. Use a second remote to keep turning it down, or off.

Your situation sounds a bit of priorities skewed, imo. What does the "aide" do, if your Mom is asleep all day? Who is watching Mom at night? Are you being taken advantage of?

Others will have a better answer for you...coming soon.

I would start by shaking things up. Send the T.V. out for service.
You've got this.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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