We have the space to take in my grandmother, but my husband is vehemently against her moving in with us and thinks it's way too much work. What do I do?

daniellej,hope you are still on-line reading these great answers above.

If you are still on the fence thinking you could easily take care of Grandmother and the rest of the household here's an idea..... spend 24 days each at the nursing for 3 days.... usually when there are visitors to see someone who has dementia, that patient some how are able to be very social and sweet, but they can't keep that up for 24 hours straight.

By you spending 3 days straight in the nursing home, you will get a first hand look at what all needs to be done.

Do not, do not, do not 'take in your grandmother'. Grandma doesn't just 'need a little help', because 'this is what families do for each other'. Your lives, all of your lives, will be a living nightmare, you cannot do this on your own. Even with the 'help' of an occasional relative or caregiver. Your house will smell..... And if she's down in the basement and there is no emergency exit, this is a real thing. We wanted to sell mom's house and my old bedroom in the basement has no emergency exit. So we can't call it a bedroom, or show it as such, unless and until we have a contractor put in something. When I was in my teens, I used to burn incense, and I lit some and a vase full of dried flowers went up like a torch, scorching the ceiling! It can happen in the blink of an eye.

If your husband is against it...it will get bad in your marriage. It is hard to convince a spouse to change their mind if they are vehemently opposed to anything, let alone when it involves moving someone else in your home. Even if he does let you do it, anytime something goes wrong w her or her caregivers, he will blame you and either outwardly remind you that he was against it or hold it in and lash out in other manner. Hugs to you x

Sweetie, you're young. Listen to your husband. Your first priority is to him and your child. Your grandmother, while special to you, is not your number one or even number two on your list! Keep her in a home. Visit her often, but for the sake of your marriage, DO NOT move her in with you. It's selfish to only think of your grandmother, when you should be answering to the two most important people in the world. And while it's admirable ofy ou to offer, don't ever do that without your husband's consent! Leave her where she is. She will only be getting worse. There are Stages 5,6, and 7 where she will pace the floor 20 hours a day, and you will be cleaning poop off every surface of your home. Your child will be in great danger of blood-born-pathogens, if you allow the grandmother to move in! Further more, you will not be able to sleep. Ever! 20 hours per day means nobody sleeps, and if you leave her to her own devices, she will fall, and injure herself. I. know what I'm talking about. Leave her at the home, and love her from there.