Mom has SSI and many other finances to help herself but, she doesn't want to spend it and just wants her kids to support her. While they have to support themselves, too. What to do?
Why is this even a question? If she has assets, use them. It is not her decision. If she needs care, she needs to pay for it. Why is she trying to save her assets? Is she trying to leave some type of inheritance? If so, why leave an inheritance when you are costing your loved ones now, not just financially but physically, mentally and emotionally.
You should not support your Mother. If she is in dire need report her to APS so that they can help her avail herself of what help is available. You will need to support your own family, provide that family with a home and with savings enough to help children through their years of education. Meanwhile you need to start NOW today to save so that you do not end up where Mom has. You will need to save a lot of money in order not to be dependent on others in your own old age. Make those facts clear to your Mother and then take care of your own primary family which is your first obligation. She may not be happy about it, but that's fine. Life is full of unhappy moments, and that will be but one of them for her. I wish you the best.
I so agree with Lealonnie. you are doing all the work and you are paying for it in more ways than I can possibly comprehend, starting with compromising your health. I say it again, people who dont appreciate caregivers don’t deserve caregiving. They can go somewhere else or hire help. Or you should leave, you need to take care of yourself first.
About Me On dialysis and helping husband care for Alzheimers mom. Husband works at night and I am to watch her for him. I have to take care myself and on dialysis
You say you 'have to use our money to support mom too", which of course is FALSE. Is your husband the one is who is telling you that you 'have to' spend your own money to support his mother? She is the one with Alz/dementia who likely is no longer able to take care of her own finances, and will not understand that it's a huge liability for YOU to support HER. This is where you must make your husband understand it is NOT your responsibility to finance HER life, especially since you yourself are on dialysis and require caretaking of your own.
I think the problem here is your husband, not your mother in law. Have a Come to Jesus talk with him right away about the reality of saving for your OWN senior years ahead.
Tell her no, you cannot do that. What finances do you have in place for your own old age? For your own kids? Obviously she doesn't care what happens to anyone else, it's all about her.
If she is not good with money, maybe you both can meet with a financial planner to make a budget she can live by.
If she is pulling the "I spent so much money raising you kids and now you owe me" excuse, do not fall for it. This is a mere guilt tactic. You did not ask to be born. She chose to have kids and in doing so, knew she'd have to feed, clothe, and house all of you for the next 18 years. You don't owe her money for that.
Stop supporting her. I don't want to spend money either but..guess what...ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Tell mom that you have bills, you need to save for your retirement and save for the day when you need help.
Walk away. She will need to find another way.
Make those facts clear to your Mother and then take care of your own primary family which is your first obligation. She may not be happy about it, but that's fine. Life is full of unhappy moments, and that will be but one of them for her.
I wish you the best.
you are doing all the work and you are paying for it in more ways than I can possibly comprehend, starting with compromising your health.
I say it again, people who dont appreciate caregivers don’t deserve caregiving. They can go somewhere else or hire help.
Or you should leave, you need to take care of yourself first.
About Me
On dialysis and helping husband care for Alzheimers mom. Husband works at night and I am to watch her for him. I have to take care myself and on dialysis
You say you 'have to use our money to support mom too", which of course is FALSE. Is your husband the one is who is telling you that you 'have to' spend your own money to support his mother? She is the one with Alz/dementia who likely is no longer able to take care of her own finances, and will not understand that it's a huge liability for YOU to support HER. This is where you must make your husband understand it is NOT your responsibility to finance HER life, especially since you yourself are on dialysis and require caretaking of your own.
I think the problem here is your husband, not your mother in law. Have a Come to Jesus talk with him right away about the reality of saving for your OWN senior years ahead.
Good luck
This is your problem not hers, she has it all figured out, stand up to her.
Tell her no, you cannot do that. What finances do you have in place for your own old age? For your own kids? Obviously she doesn't care what happens to anyone else, it's all about her.
If she is not good with money, maybe you both can meet with a financial planner to make a budget she can live by.
If she is pulling the "I spent so much money raising you kids and now you owe me" excuse, do not fall for it. This is a mere guilt tactic. You did not ask to be born. She chose to have kids and in doing so, knew she'd have to feed, clothe, and house all of you for the next 18 years. You don't owe her money for that.
I don't want to spend money either but..guess what...ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Tell mom that you have bills, you need to save for your retirement and save for the day when you need help.