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When my sister and I each successively divorced with children our mother opened her home to us with our children. She traveled quite a bit professionally, so she was not there.


Now, in her time of need, we cannot reciprocate, because she is so very difficult. I feel terrible terrible guilt about this and not sure I can ever reconcile. Whether your mother or father, how do you if in same boat? I don't know I will ever NOT feel guilty about. How have you handled these feelings?

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What you are feeling is false guilt. Real guilt is about doing something wrong which you are not. False guilt is about not meeting the (often unrealistic) expectations of others. and in this case perhaps not meeting your own expectations or your mother's expectations or other family members.. Have you considered counselling to help you with this? (((((hugs)))) Care giving is hard.
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Oh dear. So many of us with those awful guilt feelings. Your mother has dementia and is very difficult. That means she needs more care than you can give her in your home. The thing to focus on is the care that your mother needs.. Being a responsible care giver and family member you are recognizing your own limitations and looking for a suitable placement for your mum where she will get professional care.

The situation when she was younger and you and your sis were in need is totally different. You are comparing apples and oranges. It doesn't work, They are n't the same. Your mum was away and generously let you use her home, Caregiving a difficult dementia patient in your home is totally different. Please let yourself off the hook! You are doing nothing wrong.
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Segoline Jan 5, 2019
Thank you so much for your kind answer. I still feel very guilty. But thank you, again.
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