She will not tell us the last time she went to the drs. She won’t give us a name. We found some paperwork with a drs name on it and when we called they could not give us any information! I’m scared and don’t know where to start
Has you mom been formally diagnosed with dementia? If your mom has not listed you or any other family member on her medical forms as people that information can be given to then they legally can not tell you anything. A visit to an Elder Care Attorney and setting in motion obtaining guardianship would be necessary. The question is ...if you are not a close family is there any one that would assume Guardianship? If not then the Court would appoint a Guardian. If that happens you do not get a say in her care, where she lives. If she has not been formally diagnosed then there is nothing that you can do at this point. It would be a wait until you have to get her to the ER or the ER calls you (if she gives them your information)
Talk to an elder lawyer about your options. You are not likely to get a POA as she sounds to not be logical and compos mentis, so you could go for guardianship or if you are not a close family apply for a court appointed guardian to take the worry and burden from you all. In which case they will make the decisions and not consult you - but for some people that is the best choice to get the best care for a family member.
Its probably too late to get POA. It has to be assigned by Mom and she is not competent to make that decision. You will need to get guardianship and it can be expensive. I think Medicaid allows u to use Moms money but can't get that until you are guardian.
Sorry, no one will talk to you without POA or guardiansip.
You can't make plans without knowing if she already did. She should have a POA, Will/Trust, Healthcare Proxy - just ask her and see her reaction. Tell her you want to make sure she is well cared for if anything happens to either of you. Explain it's in her best interest for you to know what her wishes are. Perhaps you can enlist the help of one of her friends to talk to her about sharing some important health info with her family. Check her calendar, elders often write their appointments down on it. Unfortunately if she is mentally competent, there's not much more you can do. You say you're not a close family - maybe in working on getting closer, she will open up in time.
It is your mother's choice whether to include you in her end of life plans.
If she has already been diagnosed with dementia, it is likely too late for her to sign a Power of Attorney.
If you feel it is unsafe for her to live alone, the next time she goes to the hospital, tell the discharge planners that she is unsafe at home and that you cannot be her caregiver. They will find her placement.
If you don't have the authority to direct her care and to spend her money on caregivers, you should not (iMO) try to direct her care. That way lies madness.
If she has any ability mentally wise it would be best to try and be as frank as possible. If she continues to refuse to include you then you need to tell her your hands are tied and she will end up without your input or care and will have to deal with strangers taking over which may prove more frightening. She has made this choice earlier on to not include you. I know this may sound harsh but you have no other choice and why drive yourself crazy when there is nothing you can do.
Your profile states your mom has Alzheimer’s/dementia. Has this been diagnosed by a doctor? Has anyone been placed as POA for healthcare and financial decisions?
If your mom has not listed you or any other family member on her medical forms as people that information can be given to then they legally can not tell you anything.
A visit to an Elder Care Attorney and setting in motion obtaining guardianship would be necessary.
The question is ...if you are not a close family is there any one that would assume Guardianship? If not then the Court would appoint a Guardian. If that happens you do not get a say in her care, where she lives.
If she has not been formally diagnosed then there is nothing that you can do at this point. It would be a wait until you have to get her to the ER or the ER calls you (if she gives them your information)
Sorry, no one will talk to you without POA or guardiansip.
If she has already been diagnosed with dementia, it is likely too late for her to sign a Power of Attorney.
If you feel it is unsafe for her to live alone, the next time she goes to the hospital, tell the discharge planners that she is unsafe at home and that you cannot be her caregiver. They will find her placement.
If you don't have the authority to direct her care and to spend her money on caregivers, you should not (iMO) try to direct her care. That way lies madness.