We are having to pick orders to another location and it’s looking more and more like overseas. We are going to have to rent or sell our home here in Pensacola. Mom is adamant she can live in her car because we are kicking her out! We are not kicking her out....we just cannot take her with us. She is starting again about how she is left all alone....that’s right Tam..you and Scott get to go out and I stay here fine...that’s fine have fun..I’ll be fine here alone as usual. It’s ONE date night with his commands Christmas party! SHE COULDNT GO ANYWAY!
Like I said....she is telling everyone we will be kicking her out because we are CHOOSING not to stay here ...that her daughter is CHOOSING to leave me behind to go be with her husband when he could go alone and she can stay here with ME! NOT GOING TO HAPPEN....She has lived with us for over six years....doesn’t help clean, won’t stop smoking, tries to embarrass me in public. HELP! How can we fix this problem? She cannot drive, has very low income, is breaking our bank every single paycheck.
Your place is with your husband. Ruth said, “Where thou goest”. Mom’s freeloading, privileged life with you is over. Time to put on her big girl pants and act like the grown up she supposedly is. You will do the best you can to find her an acceptable place to live. No roaches, rats or holes in the walls. She can whine, insult, complain, throw fits, accuse, and no one will feel sorrier for her than she does for herself. So what? And then you will go on this adventure overseas. How exciting! And thank you for your service!
Apart from than, fully agree!
And would any any of these be willing to become her dPOA? And deal with taking her to doctors appointments, grocery shopping, checking in on her, etc.
or is it sadly just you?
Does she at all have the option of moving into VA housing? Like she’s a VA widow or she’s your legal dependent so could qualify?
Yes Tamara, read that last part again...... “your dependent”.
I don’t know what’s available in P’cola area, but the VA village over in Biloxi is a tiered system from IL on up. If she might qualify, I’d suggest that you get her on the list for one of their IL or AL slots ASAP.
As an aside on all this, I’ve been Executor x3 and have sat in court more than once where the about to be deployed DPOA has petitioned the court to have their elderly parent made a “emergency ward of the state” with a state named guardian for their elder. The guardian takes over and gets the elder placed into a facility, oversees their $ and medical and once your foreign tour is over, the guardianship can be dissolved or moved over to you. If your in P’cola, or Jax’ville, AR or San Antonio, or any city where there’s huge established military presence, there’s going to be probate attorney’s who deal with this type of guardianship situation. Also There’s going to be someone at the Base like in community services that know how to deal with dependents left behind due to deployment situations.
good luck & let us know what happens.
You can be totally careful but the unit next to you will put in a box with damp stuff and the mildew & mold will travel.
Mom must understand, to a point, that the Military owns your husband. He goes where he is sent.
Just curious, why wouldn't Mom pass the screening?
I'd contact the local social services for assistance and to get her assessed for mental health issues. I hope she doesn't have physical issues. At some point your mother's going to HAVE to find a new place. Allow the social worker to guide you and give you--and your mother--advice and assistance.
And kudos to you and your husband for caring for your mother so long!