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My father is in a care home, he is still married to my mother although he has been living with another woman for quite a few years.
His partner is looking after everything financially and when I went to see my father in the nursing home this weekend I told one of the carers that he was complaining of pain in his arm she said that this was due to his illness bearing in mind I thought it was his diabetes she told me he was very ill and that the most they can do for him is make him comfortable I thought this strange at the time but didn't question anything further, I came home and my brother telephone me to tell me that he had been talking to my fathers partner and that my Dad has been diagnosed with Non Hodgkins lymphoma I am a upset and angry that I have not been told sooner, apparently they were going to give cancer treatment but he isn't well enough, I am very angry that I have not been told the same thing happened when he went into the nursing home I know there was talk about it but no one told me. What should I do?

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I am glad that there are no conflict between you. Please be very polite with your dealings with her. I've read horror stories here on this site when people don't get along with the POA and vice versa. POA have been known to tell the Nursing home facility to not allow family members to visit nor to update them on the health status. So, I am glad that you do get along with her.
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Hi yes she has POA I don't know why I haven't been told. There isn't any conflict but I am upset that I found out by one of the carers at the home.
I will text her asking that I would like to be kept informed. Thank you
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Mondayperson, do you know why they didn't tell you? Do they treat you like an outsider? Were they afraid to upset you? Is there conflict between you and his partner?

This is really upsetting to you, I understand. Bookluvr's advice is good. But what is your understanding of why it happened?
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Depending how badly you want to see your father, and if "the other woman" has POA over him....Be very neutral and friendly with "the other woman of his life" so that she accepts you into their life. When you have achieved this "neutral relationsip", you can then ask if she can update you on father's health situation. Don't do anything to piss her off...like "MY father".. Just say that you're concerned with father and would really appreciate it if she gave you updates. Like I said, it depends on your current relationship with her and if she has POA.

Otherwise, ask your brother to keep you updated. Or you email/text your brother weekly on your father's status.
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