Was putting my Mom in a NH the best decision?
My 74 year old Mom who suffers from dementia and Parkinson's has been in a NH for almost 2 weeks. My sisters and I decided it was best for her after seeing her dementia progress so quickly over the last few months. But, these last 2 weeks she has gone from bad to worse. Prior to her being admitted, she had only a few outbursts and now it seems like it's daily. She's very confused, she thinks she works at the NH. She's hiding her food, packing her clothes because she's "leaving" and gets physical with her nurses. She's even tried to escape the last 3 days. I know she's unhappy and she didn't want to go. I'm afraid she's become depressed and has just given up. What have I done? The guilt I feel is so overwhelming. Did I really just leave my Mom at this place for her to deteriorate and give up on life?
I spoke to the social worker from the NH today and she thinks it's best Mom be moved to a "secure" section of the facility. I know it's for her own safety so she won't be able to wander off but it's so hard to hear. She won't have her tv, no phone, no access to outside unless she's supervised. Like prison.....I can't help but cry just thinking about it. How did my Mom get this bad? Why was she chosen to have these diseases? I feel so lost...my heart is aching.
7 Answers
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You're giving her the best care you can - there should be no guilt or shame in that. You can feel sad for the condition your mom is in, but you didn't cause that, nor can you cure that. You've got her in the safest place she can be, with round-the-clock care. She's lucky to have you and your sister. Many folks aren't that lucky. {{Hugs}}
I just talked to my Mom today and she asked how my sisters and I could have "put her away like this"...she said she would have never put her Mom or Dad away like we're doing to her. She also said she wanted to leave and live in a women's shelter. It's breaking my heart...hearing her say that to me had me in tears. I know it's not my Mom saying those words...it's this damn disease.
I don't know it's about her feeling abandoned, she's always loved being left alone...which is, I think, the real problem. She's always been very independent and having someone tell her what to do and that she can't go here or there is not sitting well with her. Which I completely understand....she doesn't know that she's sick, she can't comprehend it. All she knows is that she once lived alone and now she lives with other old people and nurses that are always up in her business.
BTW, I spoke to her again later in the day...completely normal. She told me she was fine, that she ate lunch and it was really good...like nothing.