My uncle has Alzheimer’s and his two adult children will not tell us where he is. They said he’s in a home and they’d let us know when they visit so we could speak with him. We went back and forth for nine months playing that game. They also said things that make me think they obviously don’t know enough about the disease and were just trying to make up info to sound involved. In the last conversation, my cousin said it’s not possible to say where he is and then she quickly hung up. They have cut off their phone and aren’t responding to us or anyone, even on FB.
The two adult children live in his home and are not employed. I believe they may be using his retirement. I don’t want to call for a well check, because I see plenty of nice people on Dateline who get offed and I don’t want to be one of them.
So….How do I find out if he’s become a ward of the state? I’ve called local nursing homes and they say he doesn’t live there. What other organizations might help surrendering someone?
If there’s a change in ownership, a lien filed, a judgement entered, a property tax delinquency, a fine issued, a blight Notice placed., all that kind of stuff will get attached (recorded) in some way onto the property. It will be accessible via his County’s website. You go onto the website and start surfing matchups to his name, the address, the parcel # of the property and see what has been recorded. This stuff is open records for those who want to take the time to research. You should be able to read the filings but usually have to pay to be able to download a copy. You can also search City records but most legal on a home is placed into the County.
If he actually has been made a ward of the State, that too has its own legal filings at the courthouse. Ward hearings are done in probate court is my understanding. Whether or not you can easily access probate entries varies. But you should be able to see if there has been a docket with his full legal name opened in probate court for a ward hearing.
You’ll have clues and a timeline by doing all this.
If Uncle is in a NH, that NH is absolutely being paid in some way. Either he’s using his own $ to private pay or he’s on LTC Medicaid program. If he’s on LTC Medicaid that pays his custodial care costs (room&board stuff) and then his Medicare and Medicaid pay his health insurance related costs. And almost all his monthly income (like his Social Security) is being paid to the NH as a required Share of Cost under LTC Medicaid program. Please pls pls read and reread what others have posted on this. It’s all spot on accurate.
HOWEVER
the LTC Medicaid program does not require him to sell his home. He can continue to own it but he will have zero $ to pay its costs (taxes, utilities, etc.) due to the Share of Cost required to be paid to the NH. If this is what is happening, whoever is living there is paying all the bills or the accounts are going delinquent. Whichever, it is not your problem. Personally if it is they are living there and letting taxes go delinquent, having yard go blighted, LTC Medicaid involved, etc, well I’d stay far far away from all this. It will become an eventual legal clusterF that you do not want to get yourself attached to.
Good luck in your research!
If now a Ward of the State, the guardian has taken over his finances. Has the authority to sell the house for his care. I will assume he is paying privately. If so, now he is in care his money goes towards his care and upkeep for his house. The cousins cannot use it on themselves. If they do and he needs to apply for Medicaid, there will be penalties that will mean the cousins pay for his care or they have to care for him thenselves until the penaltybis met.
If he's a ward of a legal guardian who is not a relative, they would not be living in his house (unless they have an exemptio) and/or living off his retirement because the guardian would not give them access to anything, no matter what. The guardian's job is to protect the ward.
"What other organizations might help surrendering someone?"
Not sure what you mean here... help surrender him so that... what? You can take care of him? Please clarify.
The kids never had a career or their own money (well, she did until she divorced. One never lived outside the home and he’s 65 and he’s cognitively fine. They hated their dad , so I think it’s a possibility that they a re using him. So much more detail involved, but that’s the gist.
If anyone has filed to be appointed Guardian, there would have to be a legal action. In most states court cases are viewable online in the state’s online portal. You may make an inquiry by name. In my state it’s in a special proceeding. This would apply whether a family member or the county is appointed.
You might consider hiring a private investigator who can gently inquire about him without divulging your identity.
I don’t want to escalate the situation by doing a well fair check., but sadly, I don’t think anyone else cares what might’ve happened to him.
I’ve spoken to his children many times over the last year and they’ve made excuses every time. My mom and her brother had a good relationship, but I told them we could all be on the phone to help them along and kind of monitor if need be. 🤷♀️. They said they’d let us know when they visit and call us so the sibling could talk. There were excuse every single time since then. The last time, my cousin said it wasn’t “feasible” to give us his number.
they’ve always been sketchy, butt his is over the top.
Frankly, if my cousins had called me demanding to know where my mom, for whom I was caregiving, was, I likely would have told them to get lost.
Why do you believe he has been made a ward of the state? That's a pretty big step for the state to come in and take over his care when there is family who - according to you - lives/lived with him? That calls for someone to notify the court that he was a vulnerable adult with no one able to take care of him, and a judge granting the state guardianship. With that guardianship comes the state taking control of all of his assets; not something that I imagine 2 adult children sponging off of their demented father would particularly want to happen, no?
What exactly do you mean you believe your cousins are "using his retirement"? What are the circumstances? "Using his retirement" to pay for his care - which is what they should be doing? Or spending his money on themselves?
Some more information would be helpful for us to be able to give you some sort of guidance.
My mom and her brother were close. She wanted to try and speak with him before she passed. She spoke with her other brothers, but we could never get through to this one.
fYI, our relationship has always been good and I’m not demanding. You’re misreading the intention. Normal family members like to keep in touch.
These two have always been sketchy. Always. Their over sharing of their “knowledge” of Alzheimer’s was inaccurate and didn’t line up with how he was doing 5 yrs ago. It’s just all “off”.
i swear we are all the nicest family ever…but crud happens to nice families too.
The cops will not divulge your name. And if it is on the up and up, all the cops have to tell you is that he is alive and not in danger.
And I can't imagine very many scenarios in which the kids would be legally required to let their cousins know where he is. Unless the cousins were granted guardianship by the court and his kids came and took dad without permission; but that's not the scenario the OP has presented here.