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I've been away from AC for a few months - things started going downhill, and I needed a beak. Now I could really use some advice (and TLV) from my fellow caregivers.
My MIL has suffered significant cognitive decline just over the last couple of months...hallucinating more, becoming confused/mildly agitated at times. She is currently taking Quetiapine (dose recently increased from 12.5 mg to 25 mg...or even 36.5 if needed..my discretion). Last night out of the blue she mentioned that she'd like to go visit "daddy" in the hospital but she wasn't sure if "they'd" let her. I just told,her we would look into it, gave her the Quetiapine, tucked her into bed and hoped by this morning all would be forgotten. No such luck. She's still asking and becoming more concerned because "no one will tell" her what hospital he's in or how he got there. I keep trying to put her off, so to speak..Saying things like "we'll find out" and then trying to redirect, but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm running out of ideas! *SIGH* This part of my job is so sad and so HARD! Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated.

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Are you a Bird now Ya ya? You needed a BEAK? LOL! I would delete that spell check in a heart beat if I were you! So glad to see you, even if the circumstances are sad. You've been missed. Jeanne has given you great advice, and yes, she is surely a wealth of knowledge, kindness, and "calm reasoning". She is a treasured blessing to us all.
Me, I go for the stress reducing laugh first, but I am sending prayers (tlc) your way. Best of luck through this tough stage. ((((((yaya)))))
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When I made my suggestion about him saying "hi" so that she knows he's thinking of her, I realize you said he's passed away. I just meant that her thinking that he's thinking of her might bring her comfort. I don't know if this explains it any better.

In any case, she doesn't realize he's passed away, so she really is in a different reality, which is why I gave my example from the other caregiver.
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Typo correction again.....restricting...not extricating. Sheesh! Hate it when my IPad "corrects" my spelling for me!
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I'm with the suggestions that suggest you lie in a kind way and try to distract her with questions on how they met. If you say he's quarantined "today" you might say that the nurses passed along that he was concerned about her and said "hi" so that she knows he's thinking of her.

Normally, even with some dementia, I never lie to my mother. But when my grandma was deep into her Alzheimer's, she felt so badly and became so agitated, that we did start to lie to sooth her.

I read something recently by another caregiver who was caring for his Dad who had delusions and the caregiver realized that the dad's delusions were a totally different reality. So, the son (caregiver) decided to go along with that alternate reality. It made Dad happy and wasn't a huge effort for the son.
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Thank you Jeanne! As always you've come through with wonderful advice. I like both ideas about the hospital extricating visitors and trying to trigger some fond memories. When I broke away from AC a few months ago you were still....on hIatis? (sp?) I'm so very glad you chose to come back. Your voice of calm reason was just want I needed! Re: the Quetiapine...yes I definitely intend to go with the tab and a half tonight. Her neurologist said I could even go up to 50mg if things got really bad. And I agree, it is a Godsend!
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This is so very hard! My heart goes out to you, and to MIL. I think you are approaching this the right way. Do what you can to minimize her agitation. "He was transferred to a hospital in the next county because they have excellent specialists there." "Visiting is being restricted right now because of an infection going around the hospital. Daddy doesn't have it and they want to be sure it isn't spread to him." Since her husband is on her mind right now, perhaps redirecting her down that path would help. "I'm sorry that you can't visit him today. How did you two meet, anyway?" or "I've heard about a time he brought home a huge Christmas tree and he had to keep trimming it and trimming it to get it to fit under the ceiling. Do you remember that?" Let her keep thinking about him, but get her off the subject of the hospital.

Is the Quetiapine helping? If it is, don't be afraid to use that extra half pill -- that is a very small dose. My husband (DLB) was on 100 mg taken once a day, at night. It helped a lot!
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Typo correction.....TLC, not TLV
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Tell her they will be together soon. Leave it at that.
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